


Hormonal Imbalance

by Ellisaed



Series: Hormonal Imbalance [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cute, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mild Smut, Mpreg, Sick Levi, embrace the mpreg, ereri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:06:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 58,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3127208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellisaed/pseuds/Ellisaed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi catches an awful virus, being put under strict quarantine, and is coping with both boredom and . . . mood swings. When his libido is thrown out of whack, and Eren Jäger is his only permitted visitor, what ensues causes his imbalance to shift in the right direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first Ereri fic, but I've brooded over this piece for a long while and decided she's ready to present to the world. Just a warning that this chapter is like the foreplay for further . . . *cough* excitement that will ensue. This one is sort of on the fluffy side, though, with some grumpy Levi, so you are safe for now.

Levi had just about enough. With everything.

Leave it to Erwin to lock him away in Head Quarters, left to his own devices, all over a stupid illness.

Levi rolled over in the single cot for the fiftieth time that minute, sighing to himself. It was quiet and still in his assigned medical ward, warm and comfortable like usual. It was terrible.

Levi groaned loudly, turning onto his stomach shoving his head between two pillows to shut out the light. It wasn't that he was tired. He was just sick of being awake. He was sick of everything.

Simply, he was sick. Why the _hell_ did he have to get sick?

Being no doubt the most hygienic person out of all the dirty humans in the mass of Survey Corps members - commanders, corporals, and cadets alike - Levi never let the thought cross his mind that he could even possibly be vulnerable to sickness. The filth in his room hadn't even a chance to settle before he eliminated it, let alone any kind of bacteria. Of course, when it came down to it Levi would swallow his dignity and get dirty. But being sick? It was hell.

The "virus" as Hanji soon dubbed it had began just a week prior, originating in a few of the younger cadets. _Filthy brats_ , Levi thought in resentment, _Probably licked the floor for all I know_. It had spread two-and-tenfold, like a pandemic, and Levi hadn't been able to sleep at night: the sound of retching filled the hallways, and he stayed in the washroom, sleepless, all night.

Erwin claimed that was what made him sick in the first place. It had started taking a toll on him rapidly, and the blonde had picked up on it like he was some sort of hound. At first, he had hid it well, even from his own squad. Petra would sometimes give him that curious sidelong glance she gave him, but that was it. Besides for the occasional bout of nausea and blocked sinuses, it actually was not that terrible.

It got worse. A lot worse.

Levi had been leading a training session when he had been caught. He had been leading a group of the snot faced cadets in an evasive maneuvers course, trying not to let the obvious coarse undertone in his throat show as he shouted commands, plagued by a fever he claimed was only a migraine. Maybe it was the redness to his pale face, the sweat on his neck, the darker than usual darkness under his eyes, but Erwin had not even questioned what it was when Levi had reported back to him after the session.

"Levi, I'm ordering you to bed rest for the next ten days. Shed your gear and report to the medical floor immediately."

Levi hadn't protested at the time. According to Hanji, his fever was dangerously high, and he had rolled his eyes and mumbled something like "kiss my ass" before falling to his knees weakly and dropping to the grass, unconscious. He had made quite the scene, so she said.

And now, he was stuck in this small room for the next five days yet.

At another wave of sourness that swept through his insides, Levi kicked his sheets off, sitting up again, and fumbled for the bucket aside his cot. _Don't. Vomit._ He commanded his stomach. He hadn't eaten in a day, so it was not like anything would come up, but he had an irrational aversion to vomit itself. Levi closed his eyes, taking deep breaths until it passed.

It was safe to say he was in fact very sick. He felt like crap, and that was an understatement. He couldn't keep anything down besides water - warm water seemed better than cool water. The fever he was running hadn't quite broke, but was low grade and apparently not that dangerous, according to Hanji. The deranged four-eyes was acting as his personal nurse while the on-site doctor was "away" - complete fool to have left in the first place - and Levi didn't feel particularly safe under her care but appreciated the gesture.

Hanji was the only one allowed to see him, since she had already experienced the sickness and lived to tell, but when she came she only checked his temperature and ensured he was comfortable before leaving. The chances of spreading the illness was still high. Levi was technically on quarantine.

The first few days, besides for the feeling like crap, were glorious. It was quiet, and no one was around. He did not have to fake a smile at anyone - not like he usually did that anyway - he did not have to talk to anyone. Hell, he didn't even have to _look_ at anyone!

The novelty wore off fast. Soon, he was bored out of his goddamned mind. Every book in the room - which was only three or four - he had flipped through ten times. He couldn't clean because he wasn't allowed to strain himself. Erwin had dropped off some paperwork via Hanji Delivery System, but he had gotten through that in a half-hour.

There was nothing left to do.

At the reminder of that fact, Levi kicked the back of his foot angrily onto his cot, trying to get the emotion out somehow. His nausea passed, and he turned and lay on his side gently. _Who the hell did this to me? Some brat with no damn courtesy to wash their hands once a week. It was probably Hanji. Shitty glasses._

Levi reached to his left, stretching sore muscles, and let the fleshy part of his fist meet the wall in a few feeble thumps. He didn't have the strength to roll over, but letting his emotions fester was not an option; he took a deep breath in, and back out.

The fever he was running was making him a bit . . . _off_ hormonally - according to Hanji, it was perfectly normal. Until his body got rid of the illness, the mood swings would come and go. Much to Levi's disgruntlement. She was right, though. One second he would feel perfectly fine with his current state. The next he would stand at his window and mentally plot the murder of the first cadet he saw wandering around the yards.

Sometimes Levi felt his eyes tear for no reason at all, and he'd let a few fall and then throw up, and then roll over, feeling fine again.

"It'll be like this for a while, but it'll pass quick." Hanji had told him, flipping through her pocket sized medical dictionary, "A high percentage of the ill had experienced heightened sensitivity and bouts of anger, sadness, etcetera. Oh, and you'll probably get some high testosterone levels here and there, that's normal."

"What?!"

"You know what testosterone is, right Captain? It's what makes your - "

"Yes. I know what it is." Levi had folded his arms, "I just . . . wasn't expecting you to say that."

"The best thing to do is to deal with any build up - "

"Build up?!"

"You know, an erection!"

"I knew what you meant, I just - "

Hanji opened her book to a page all about it, pointing to one of the illustrations, "All you have to do is - after proper lubrication, of course, - take your -"

"I know what to do! Will you shut up about it already?!"

Levi closed his eyes, trying not to think about the conversation, but it was too late.

"Shit," He mumbled, feeling the familiar warmth pool into his lower stomach and uncomfortably between his legs. He sat up again, placing the cloth aside his cot on the back of his neck to cool down.

None of Hanji's stupid theories had held true - for the first two days. Lately, and frequently, he had been getting the unexplainable waves of . . . _want_. For what, he didn't even really know.

Frankly, his own sexuality had been shoved to the back burner most of his life. His sexual backstory would be as thin as a pamphlet, He didn't think about it. He knew he would never settle down with anyone anyways - they were fighting a war, and he didn't have the time or means or desire. Well, desire in one sense of the word.

Yes, he was like any other normal human being with sex hormones and the natural urge to reproduce. What made him different was that he had never acted on his urges, not even when he was younger and much more prone to this type of thing than he was at his current age. 

Levi had been experiencing bouts of burning lust he could barely control. They would come on frequently, strong, and sudden, and the sweat on his skin would grow worse and hot. It was like he was a teenager again. It was uncomfortable and irritating, like a cramp, aching to be released. The easiest thing to do would be to just get rid of the problem, but Levi was stubborn. He refused to touch himself. It was filthy and tedious and it made a mess. Besides, he wasn't even sure how people went about it. He didn't know what to think about. He instead would curl up on his cot, close his eyes and mentally shut down until the feeling passed.

It nearly drove him insane. Even stupid thoughts could trigger it. He was cooped up in this tiny room with nothing left to do, and all his brain could think of was getting off.

Levi was disgusted by himself.

The cool cloth did nothing to quell the warmth that was now spreading over his skin. He felt sweat bead on his forehead, and he collapsed boneless on his cot again. This is what happened - it only got worse the more he ignored it. This is why Hanji said to deal with it.

"What a damn lunatic." Levi said to himself, staring at the ceiling. He was flat on his back, waiting out the flush that had covered him. The sheets were soft, freshly cleaned, but it did not soothe him as it sometimes did. He tossed to the left, curling his knees close to his chest, eyelids dropping closed.

If he were lucky, he could try to rest a while . . . 

* * *

 

A soft knocking was heard at the door.

Levi came out of half sleep and rolled over, wiping the stickiness of unconscious saliva from the corner of his lip. He strained to raise his heavy head, seeing the sun was just beginning to set; he had half-slept for only an hour or so. It felt like only a fragment of a second. He still felt tired.

When nothing else was heard at the door, Levi sighed in annoyance. He knew, since the person didn't barge in with no idea of decency, that it wasn't Hanji. That meant it must have been the only other person that was allowed to see him.

". . . Captain Levi sir? Are you awake?"

Eren Jäger's voice sounded only a little more than some sort of scared school kid from behind the door, and Levi rolled his eyes. What was he doing here - _again_?

Levi rolled over, dropping his head into his pillow as he called toward the door in a coarse voice. "Jäger. Go play with your friends."

"Section Leader Hanji sent me sir, with your medicine. She said to deliver it to you. Should I come in - ?"

"One minute."

Levi sat up and pushed himself to stand, taking slow steps until he reached the door handle. His legs felt unstable and weaker than usual. _I'm like a toddler_ , he thought, seeing how his hand trembled as he turned the door knob. _Pathetic_.

Levi raised his brows at the sight behind the door.

Eren Jäger stood, clutching a silver spoon in one hand and a mysterious brown flask in the other. By the way he was dressed, it looked like he had been cleaning, a rag tied around his neck and his brunette hair a bit disheveled. The kid smiled at him, green eyes wide.

"Captain! You're looking better!"

"Tch. Don't lie to your superiors."

"S-sorry." Eren stuttered, "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

A nod followed, agreeing without admitting so. It was silent as he waited a moment, looking over Levi's shoulder curiously, and meeting his eyes again. His tone reflected his impatience.

"Can I come in?"

"Like I told you before, I'm still contagious." Levi said flatly, "You shouldn't come in."

"I've already caught it! I was one of the first ones, and Hanji tested me while monitoring my sickness and said that I'm neither contagious or vulnerable. She's been taking so many blood tests, but she's trying to develop a vaccine to use in illness prevention for next year, when the weather changes, because that's when she said the virus was - "

"Alright, alright, just come in." Levi pulled the door open a bit more to let Eren inside; he mostly did so to make the brat to shut up. His babbling was probably all a lie, but Levi didn't have the strength enough to ask.

Eren's reluctance was obvious, hands wrung around the other, eyes skittish, but he stepped inside and closed the door behind him as Levi stumbled to rest, back arched, on the edge of his cot again.

_Stupid Hanji. Why didn't she just deliver the medicine herself? Why send Jäger, of all people?_

Levi knew exactly why, though. Jäger was still under the scrutinizing eye of the officials in the inner walls, and hadn't been permitted to participate in training - or even with the regular activities of the new recruits - at all. Most of his days were spent with Hanji, running experiments and going with her to her investigations of those two stupid Titans she called her pets. Levi was surprised the kid hadn't gone stark raving mad from being around her all day; he felt sorry for him, a little.

That was why the other day, the first time the brat had knocked on his door, he had considered letting him in. For a minute. Then his brain decided that was the worst damn idea ever, and he had instead thrown a book at the door and cursed a phrase loudly, hearing footsteps run off.

That feeling of pity returned to him at that moment, for treating Eren like that. It wasn't the brats fault he was hormonal, or sick. The kid cared, a little too much at times, but he was a dedicated soldier trapped in this whole stupid Titan situation he still couldn't even explain. And he was probably just bored.

They were at least similar in that way.

The past two days, Eren had come to keep him company somehow, whether it be reading or talking or cleaning for him. Levi would not lie, listening to the kid tell him some boring story was certainly better than staring at the ceiling in silence for an entire afternoon. At least a little better.

But the kid being here, now, only made his . . . _situation_ more uncomfortable. Levi sucked in air through his teeth, feeling another wave wash over him, hot and desperate. A soft throbbing was felt between his legs, a crude reminder. He hadn't been able to sleep it off this time, and it got worse at every beat of his crescendoing heart rate. Hanji would be furious at him.

All he had to do was take the meds, and the kid would leave. Simple.

Eren ensured to remove his dirty boots and rag-scarf and set them by the door, glancing back to see the Captain sitting on the edge of his cot, staring off into a wall. Hanji had ensured him the sickness would pass. Eren had already seen a few of his friends recover in no time. Levi must have been a bit more fragile.

The captain looked especially small when he was sick. Eren had never seen him that way, and it concerned him. He was thinner and paler, though the pink hue to his neck made it clear he was probably feverish.

Strolling over toward the cot slowly, Eren pulled up the chair beside the bed and scooted it closer.

Levi turned his head toward him, but didn't meet his eyes. His tone was still very soft and coarse, "Don't get too close."

"As long as you don't sneeze on me or anything I'm fine!" Eren said, in hopes to rouse a smile from the man.

Levi disagreed.

"No guarantee."

"This stuff works well for that." Eren held up the bottle of medicine, unscrewing the lid as he spoke, "It'll have you killing Titans again in no time."

"What the _hell_ is it?"

Levi stared at the liquid the kid poured from the brown bottle onto a spoon. It came out slowly since it was thick and sticky, but it was smooth and it had a clearish-white hue; it looked a lot like -

_God_ , Levi cut the thought off, cursing his damned libido. _It's just medicine. Get a hold of yourself_.

Eren continued to fill the spoon, oblivious to the man's predicament, "Hanji made it, out of some herbs and a mixture of other things. I had it, and at first it was gross but it's not too bad. She said its called " _make Levi better_ " medicine."

Eren pointed the spoon in his direction, waiting for him to lean forward and take it. The thought of taking that _liquid_ into his mouth, feeling it on his tongue, lit him on fire.

Levi's stomach turned, feeling nauseated from the heat that literally smothered him. The situation was probably the furthest thing from arousing, but at that moment it was the closest thing to it; he felt like he was going to explode. Levi stared out of the corner of his eyes, trying to force it all away, shoving his hands into his lap to try and cover any possible evidence of his problem.

"It smells alright to me." Eren encouraged him again, "Try it."

Why was the brat so stubborn?

"I'll pass. Go take it back and tell Hanji I had some." Levi started to pick himself back up and lie down again - partially to hide the increasing bulge between his loose sleep pants - but Eren made a sound of protest.

"Captain. I'm supposed to make sure you have at least a spoonful."

"I don't need any of Shitty-Glasses' healing potions."

"Have a small taste!" Eren extended the spoon out until the edges rested painfully close to Levi's lips.

The man reached up to gently push the spoon away, "I - "

Eren moved from his chair to the floor, kneeling in front of him. Their faces were inches apart, and Levi was forced to meet the bright green eyes before him. Eren's voice was soft, tone gentle and the words deliberate, "Please, Captain. You're sweating, you're probably running a high fever. This will help."

Levi thought his heart would burst from his chest. Was Eren doing this on purpose, or was he really that oblivious? He knew it was the latter. The kid was full of surprises, and the fact that he was partially unaware of personal boundaries and oblivious to the utter submission he was showing wasn't shocking. Again, it wasn't inherently arousing to the common eye, his hormones were functioning at a hypersensitive state.

All Levi wanted was to just feel someone touch his fevered body, to smell the scent of skin, to rest against someone. That was all he needed, and he could calm down. Eren's lips were literally a slight lean away from his own; if the kid didn't get away from him, _right_ _then_ , Levi knew he would do something he'd regret.

Eren lifted the spoon higher, still meeting his eyes with that headstrong look and drawn brow.

"Heichou," - the way he said his name made it worse - "please, just take it."

"E-Eren - "

Levi's eyes widened reflexively, holding his breath as the spoon entered his mouth, unannounced. The feeling of wanting to vomit and desperately needing to release the tension billowing fire in his belly came all at once. His body reacted by instinct, standing up on trembling legs and stumbling into the small washroom adjacent to the main ward of his room. Levi just barely managed to position himself before the white basin inside, spitting up what part of the medicine made it down his throat, retching as his empty stomach vomited again. His hands gripped the edges of the cool basin, taking short breaths, still filled with adrenaline.

Levi heard footsteps run after him and halt in the doorway, but he felt too weak to even turn his head. When the socked feet left and returned again, this time a cup of water was lowered into his eyesight. Levi took it wordlessly and began to rinse his mouth. Bile burned on his tongue, and the contents in the basin were a mixture of something awful. _Filthy_.

The brats voice filled his ears, on the brink of tears by the sounds of it. "I'm so sorry, Captain, I didn't think - "

"It's fine." Levi lied through his teeth, spitting in between words. His vision was dizzy, his stomach ached, he was burning hot and freezing cold - he was a mess.

"No it isn't! I shouldn't have forced it on you like that, you probably were feeling sick but didn't want to say. I'm sorry for being such a nuisance, I only wanted to help but I'm just making things worse - !"

Levi reached his hand over to the one dangling by Eren's thigh and placed it atop gently, wrapping his thin but strong fingers around the wrist.

That shut the kid up quickly.

There was a wash of release that came with the contact to his cool skin. Levi closed his eyes momentarily. Every muscle in his stomach grew rigid, and he curled forward in response; a short huff escaped his lips, unable to deny the sensation calmed down his overactive hormones, quelling them at bay for even just that moment, and it was a genuine relief.

Eren did not flinch at the touch of the man's burning palm, nor did he pull his hand away. "H-heichou?"

Levi looked up to him. Eren didn't look scared, or uncomfortable. There was a palpable anticipation hovering around them, trapped and suffocating in the tiny washroom, as they both waited for one another to move.

Alarm signals went off in Levi's head as the fuzziness of his previous emotions wore off. He released his grip on the boys hand, adjusting to sit in an exhausted crouch on the floor. He put his aching head in his hands, and managed in as loud of a voice that he could muster, "Get out."

"I'm sorry," Eren repeated, moving closer to try and help the man back to his feet and into bed again, "I promise I'll - "

"I said get the hell out, brat!"

And just like before, the footsteps told Levi the kid was gone.

Levi squeezed his eyelids until he saw flecks of light in the blackness. His heart still raced from the post-coital buzz that spiked through him. He felt the annoying, lingering and unavoidable shame sitting heavily like a weighted pack on his shoulders, and he cursed through his teeth openly.

_Damn kid. Now I have to change these pants._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though Eren feels embarrassed about the events that ensued between him and the Corporal, he attempts to continue his day as if nothing had happened. His thoughts about the man, however, have other ideas . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm so glad this little fic has gotten so much positive response so far; thank you to everyone who read and left feedback!  
> Now this is a warning - this chapter is a considerable amount more detailed right from the start so if that isn't your thing just scroll to the first line break (but hey, I put it in the warning so yeah) or, you know, enjoy the steaminess! You have been warned!

_". . . Eren . . ."_

_The whisper was like the warmth of an embrace, edged with a sharp desperation that cut and tingled all over. It made his body ache everywhere in want. The sound of his name made him hot, mouth watering with lust. It was not just sound of his own name, but the voice who spoke it._

_"Heichou - "_

_Eren groaned, feeling sensation run down the front of his abdomen. A long, gentle finger, tracing down his tensed muscles._

_"Keep your eyes closed."_

_Eren felt them, his eyes, flutter instinctively, anticipating something. His closed eyes rolled lazily, uncontrollably, and he did not need to see to know what was occurring. He sense the breath of someone just above him, he felt the soft of something beneath him. The scent that came from freshly cleansed skin was present. The sensation of the finger ran lower, even the small of the tip hot on his skin. The tender area above his groin was soon stroked. Mercilessly teased._

_"Feel good?"_

_Eren nodded, "Yes sir . . . "_

_When the ministrations continued isolated, just centimetres away from his member that screamed for attention, Eren asked, softly, timid._

_"Please . . ."_

_"How much will you beg for me?"_

_"Sir?" "How long and hard and desperately will you beg for me to touch you?"_

_"Please, sir . . . please - "_

_The voice dropped, lips only a breath from his ear. "My finger is resting just above your erection, on that soft spot below your bladder. It's warm and pink. I'm being careful that I don't brush against you."_

_Eren bit his lip._

_"You must be excited. Your erection bobs up, hitting your stomach. It's rosy and the tip is weeping. The veins along the bottom pulse faster and faster - "_

_"Please, Captain, touch me - "_

_"- the way your muscles twitch tell me you are aching to give in -"_

_Eren writhed, his back arching. He was unable to resist moving his right hand to grip himself for just a moment, only a moment, but the hands above him captured it first in a firm grip. He felt the other wrist being grabbed as well._

_"Eyes closed." The voice demanded, low and solemn. As intoxicating as musk, smooth and dark and incredibly sexy. "Don't move."_

_". . . yes sir."_

_Eren's hands gripped the sheets, trying his best not to flinch, trying not to imagine the body hovering above his own and the dark eyes that were examining him._

_"I want to lower my warm mouth around you, to grab you with one hand and dip my head until you touch the back of my throat. I want to feel your hardness on my lips, to cradle you with my tongue, to taste your sweet skin and suck you off until you're thrusting into me . . . and to swallow all of you."_

_"I want you to . . ." Eren was losing his breath, anticipation feverish, "Please, please sir - "_

_"What do you want?"_

_"I want you."_

_The finger above his erection paused. "Hmm, not very convincing."_

_"Please - "_

_"Try again."_

_Frustrated and desperate for pent-up relief, Eren squeezed his eyes shut and shouted. "Put me inside your mouth!"_

_". . . I'm listening."_

_"Put me inside . . . I want to be inside you." Eren managed, even spouting the words causing him to nearly buck his hips in excitement. He forced himself to continue, "Put your lips around me, as deep as they can go. I want to feel your hot tongue touch me all over . . . I want to thrust into you, to feel you tense around me, to suck me . . . I need to, I-I need to come inside of you, please let me come inside of you - "_

_"Shh . . . "_

_Eren felt a finger, this time resting on his lips._

_“Please who?”_

_“. . . please, Heichou - “_

* * *

 

"Ow, damn it!"

Eren cursed, both from the sharp sudden pain and the fact that he his mind had drifted off again. He pulled his hand back from the handle of the broom sharply and let it clatter to the floor; his thumb was brought up to his mouth quickly, sucking on the little sliver that had got caught under the skin. He didn't dare to see if it were bleeding . . .

Eren waited a moment, and when nothing but the silence that was the inside of Head Quarters and the rhythm of his heart occurred, he breathed a bit easier. Even the smallest cuts and bumps could trigger his Titan form, whether he liked it or not. He had been distracted - rather, completely overtaken by a daydream - again.

The boy pulled his cleaning rag down off of his chin, having paused the gentle sweep strokes he had assumed as he strolled slowly down another one of HQ's numerous long hallways. He had already gone up and down twice, and there was still a good amount of dirt left on the old wooden floors. It was an upper level, lined with small rooms, and even though it was unused for sleep dorms or even offices he had still be tasked to clean it.

Hanji had given him the instruction while hunched over at her desk in mid-examination of something pushed close to her nose, supposedly important, in her office, and it had been a half-hearted command that translated simply as "go do something, I'm busy". Eren knew she was getting just as bored with him as he was with her - which happened a lot with anything Hanji stuck around too long with - and he pretended that the task was actually important and tried to do his best.

Acting as Commander Hanji's assistant as of late was not exactly what Eren had signed up for when he joined the Survey Corps. Being half-Titan also had not been on his list of career aspirations, but there was little he could do to change how circumstances had become. He tried to accept his current position with dignity, and dedication. Sure, it wasn't Titan training but at least he was furthering the cause for humanity . . . even though he wasn't really making anything relatively cleaner. Besides, it did not even distract him, not anymore.

"Hell, what's the point!" Eren mumbled, subconsciously gripping the handle of the broom tighter.

Maybe it was because he was so bored that his thoughts had a mind of their own, but there was no use denying it anymore, not after what had happened. Nothing could distract him from Corporal's words.

_"Get out."_

_"I'm sorry, I promise I'll - "_

_"I said get the hell out brat!"_

Eren Jäger had never been one to be easily offended. But the sting of rejection still lingered in his mind, sharp and furious as Heichou's voice, and he could not shake it. Along with it, there were thoughts of the man in a completely _different_ light - one that made him blush upon the notion of thinking about it. Eren did not have a dirty imagination, at least not on purpose, but his mind had been getting very creative lately and Captain Levi was being especially glamorized. To any of the other cadets Levi was simply a militaristic, unapproachable, always serious superior. Eren saw him as a quiet, intelligent and surprisingly thoughtful man. The fact that these two branches of thought somehow existed simultaneously baffled Eren. Either way, his brain was infatuated with the thought of Corporal Levi.

Eren couldn't say when it had started, because it felt like it had always been there, even before he knew Corporal Levi. That natural sense of respect and awe of a strong, domineering figure, not much unlike to what his father could have been to him. But in a different and strange way, that he couldn't explain. Of course he kept this to himself, and did his best to act like the feelings did not exist at all.

Armin Arlert had been his only confide as of late, unable to hold back his anxiety about the Captains outbursts. The blonde knew the bare details and had shrugged it off as fatigue or stress anger. Eren, however, could not do the same. He still was not sure if his behaviour yesterday deliberately angered Levi or not. It was such a stupid split-second decision, to grovel on his knees before the man, to get so close to him. Eren knew, if he had waited a moment longer, he would have tried to kiss him.

Eren suspected that Levi had seen the notion in his eyes. And what bothered him the most was that it _appeared_ that Levi looked _almost_ like _possibly_ . . . he wanted to do the same.

"Stupid, stupid . . . " Eren hit his forehead with the base of his palm, backing up to lean against the wall.

Of course, it was a useless thought. Eren hated the idea, but he knew he was still naive about this whole thing. He had never kissed anyone, let alone come as close as he had been yesterday, and didn't even know how. As well, Eren knew Levi would sooner kick him in the groin than engage in a lip-locking session with him.

What he did not know was how he would ever show his face to the man again, to meet the dark eyes and somehow find forgiveness - or at the least, tolerance within. Eren felt unimportant. He felt ashamed. He felt guilty, and damn it that was the worst feeling of all.

Nothing could distract him from this myriad of thoughts. Not cleaning, not reading, and definitely not sleeping. Not since he had started having dreams again -

Eren closed his eyes momentarily. _Focus. Stop thinking about him. Stop acting like a damn hormonal teenager!_

He stooped down to retrieve the broom he had dropped and continue his task, but the sound of knocking heard from inside the room to his left caught his attention. "Eren!" The voice was muffled, but Eren could recognize it easily enough.

". . . Armin?"

Eren glanced back, over his shoulder, slightly surprised to see the usually timid blonde hanging bravely in front of the window, with assistance from his ODM gear. Armin's blue eyes joined his smile when he spotted him, knocking his knuckles gently on the glass again, and Eren ran to slide the window open for him.

"Did I surprise you?" Armin asked, voice high with excitement.

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting to see you here," Eren mused, a smile finding him at his friends cheerfulness, even if it was only momentary. Armin was always good at distracting him, and was glad he showed up.

The outside air was dry and clean, and Eren squinted up at Armin in the faint sun that glared behind him. He hadn't been outside for a long while - heck, he'd only been allowed to step out of the dank old basement just a week ago.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Training silly!"

"Are you and the others still working on ODM performance routines?"

"No, Commander Mike was running an aerial assistance session - making sure we can all perform with our maneuver gear efficiently at high altitudes - and he lead us behind HQ up a giant tree, all the way to the top! I thought I would faint, but Mikasa made me hold her hand so that she wouldn't loose her balance, so I was okay."

Eren scoffed, easily able to imagine Armin trembling from the top of a tree clutching onto Mikasa's hand for dear life, and knew she had probably let Armin do it for his own sake and not her own. He didn't say this out loud.

"The Commander let my group freestyle for a while, scaling the sides of Head Quarters." Armin said, one hand clutching his cable and the other pointing out a few others that crawled and hopped playfully across the old building. "Then I spotted you!"

"Mhm."

"What are you doing? Cleaning?"

Eren nodded as he sat on the edge of wooden sill, and Armin lowered himself to join him, saddling the edge face-to-face with Eren. He could hear the voice, but he was elsewhere in his thoughts. Again.

"Hey."

"Mhm."

"What's wrong?"

"Wrong?!" Eren exclaimed, self-conscious suddenly. Was he _that_ obvious about it? It didn't help that he felt his ears grow hot, and he glowered and lowered his chin, "Nothing's wrong - "

"Did Corporal Levi yell at you or something?"

Eren only met Armin's eyes because he was too shocked not to. No, it was not that he was being obvious, it was that Armin always knew. _Always_.

Armin raised his eyebrows, wonder lighting his eyes, and Eren couldn't lie to the pale-faced innocent in front of him. He had never been able to, and that would probably never change. Eren let the secret remain so for another moment before whispering. ". . . yes."

"Did he throw something at you this time?"

"No."

"Well, that's an improvement - "

"No, it's not, it's even worse than before!" Eren turned and tented his elbows atop his knees, allowing a perfect place to hide his eyes. He heard Armin still, consoling him. "You over analyze things, just -"

"He held my hand."

The silence confirmed that even Armin Arlert had no immediate answer to the dilemma. "What?"

"Yesterday he . . . he grabbed on to my hand."

". . . On purpose?"

Eren sent Armin a glare of impatience. The blue eyes that looked back at him still held that innocence, and he realized he was not joking. Armin was honestly just as confused as he was. Which made him feel _way_ worse.

"Yes, but right after that was when he yelled at me." Eren replied softly, only out of necessity. Even then he racked through his brain, wrestling with the memory, "To make a long story short, I exacerbated his condition, but I was only trying to help . . . he didn’t exactly grab me either, it was like . . . he reached out to me. And took my hand in his.”

Eren subconsciously glanced down to his left hand, recalling that feeling of the warm, damp skin embraced around his own. He clenched his fist in frustration.

"Eren, this doesn't make any sense - why would Corporal Levi show affection in that way and then get angry with you - "

"Why would I ask you if I knew the answer already Armin?!"

Eren heard the edge to his exclamation ring around the empty room in the silence. He immediately regretted it, wincing at the sound of Armin shifting anxiously beside him.

"I'm sorry - "

"No, no." Eren sat upright again, shaking his head. He tried to console the look of regret in his friends eyes, "I shouldn't have shouted at you. It's not you whom I'm angry with. It's myself. I'm such an idiot sometimes, even now! I should have just asked Corporal why, why the hell he held my hand for, but I was a coward."

The sensation of warmth found his forearm in the shape of a small hand. Armin patted him gently, voice soft in understanding, "Don't take it to heart, Eren. From what I know about the sickness, it is common for mood swings to occur."

"Mood swings?"

"Sudden emotional changes often provoke sudden reactions in the human body. What were you doing when Captain Levi held your hand?"

Eren didn't skip a beat, knowing the moment off by heart, "He was bent over the washbasin, getting sick, and I was standing by his side, apologizing, and he reached over and grabbed my hand."

"The Corporal may have been looking for immediate comfort. It's pretty obvious that he knew he could receive that from you. He trusts you."

Those words caught Eren's attention. The irritating fluttering of uncertainty in his stomach was quelled in slight, the word _trust_ like a soothing balm over Heichou's burn of rejection. The idea that his actions were spurred out of a mutual sense of trust made Eren feel better than he had in a long while; unknowingly, a soft smile crept over him.

“You mean . . . he’s probably not mad at me?”

“Well, I’m guessing he’s embarrassed. He’s hardly the emotional type, and to suddenly reach out to you like that must have made him uncomfortable.” Armin laughed gently, “You know, he could possibly like you - "

“Don’t tease!”

“I mean, you are pretty strong - in your Titan form, of course - "

“Cut it out!” Eren nudged him with the toe of his shoe, and Armin's hands flew to the edge of the window sill in a flash like a frightened kitten, eyes wide.

“Don’t!"

“Who’s Titan form will it be saving you when you fall? Not mine!"

"You're gonna knock me off!"

"Relax, your gear is still attached!"

"Still, gear malfunctions are one of the highest contributors to the rising mortality rate of Members of the Survey Corps - "

Eren laughed, and nudged him again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji discusses with Commander Erwin about an important "experiment" involving Cadet Jäger; meanwhile, Levi's symptoms are growing stronger and Eren's affections are becoming clearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you new and returning readers! 
> 
> A few little notes: There is mention of Shakespeare, I know its probably not canon, don't kill me. Enjoy your fill of grumpy sick Levi in this chapter! Also, this "experiment" will be taking place in the very near future (cough next chapter) so stay tuned!

"Eren Jäger."

Commander Erwin Smith's reaction to the name was subtle, if it could be classified as a reaction at all. It was not that he was not surprised - he very much so was - but he had already heard enough foolish talk for one day and didn't want to waste his energy on putting a face.

Erwin scratched the back of his neck, a stall tactic. He wanted to wait the statement out, just to test Hanji's sanity.

Commander Hanji had been in his office for only thirty seconds, but already looked impatient to leave. Her brown eyes were sharp and narrowed in solemnity, her thinner pair of circular glasses resting on her nose. The impatience was notable, considering it was well past curfew hours, but she had been the one nagging to meet with him. Even so, on a good day she could not stand Erwin's irritating silences, and this certainly was not the best day.

Seeing how Hanji still stood her ground, Erwin sighed. The Commander took a sip from the tea on his desk - which he drank mainly to keep himself awake - before he decided to reply.

"Eren Jäger?"

"Yes!"

"He is the reason you require a private meeting with me? Did the boy finally refuse to take part in your unorthodox experimentations - " "

No dummy! You remember what I've been telling you about Cadet Jäger, right Erwin?"

"Should I?"

Hanji groaned, grabbing the head of the chair before Erwin's desk and spinning it around to saddle it.

Hanji had been on duty since before dawn, both as resident nurse and as scientist, wiping runny noses and emptying sick buckets while still on an honest search for a remedy of this wretched illness. The fatigue was traceable in the darkness below her eyes, but it was faint; her usual feverish excitement outshone it.

Erwin had tasked her with the job ever since the resident doctor had been called to the inner Walls, seeing how quickly their garrison was becoming more like a general hospital, and he did commend her efforts greatly. It was always a straining task to be the head of an operation, as the Commander knew well, and Hanji was taking it well, in her own . . . curious sort of way. So far, she had personally taken blood, urine and swab samples of half of the declared sick, with half still to go. She had gone through each of the patients symptoms nearly hour by hour and compared them the best she could; since all information was collected second hand, it was a tedious and rather redundant task.

Erwin had not voluntarily wanted to learn about this information, but he knew it was his task to release a report to the higher ups, and it was his preference to do so with good news and not bad.

Bad news, however, seemed to be the trending wave. Not only had the number of cadets healthy enough for active duty dropped nearly in half, those who were at attention were only still recovering from the illness and susceptible to weakness. Worse yet, Corporal Levi had come down with a fever, one worse than even his initial had been. Hanji had reported little success so far on the medicinal side of the matter, and Erwin was beginning to feel useless as well as incredibly frustrated.

And for some reason, all Hanji wanted to talk about was Jäger?

"I updated you on his condition three days ago," Hanji began, oblivious to Erwin's half-attentive stare, "The average soldier suffers from our resident illness for a period of seven to fourteen days. When Eren came down with the virus, he was back in full health after merely sixteen hours. Sixteen hours Erwin!"

"Impressive." Erwin sipped his tea again.

"Damn right, it's impressive! I'm still not sure if it's his Titan shifting tendencies that allow his body to be kept at optimum health, but as I already told you any attempt inoculate other cadets with Eren's blood samples have failed miserably."

"I don't see why this is important enough to keep me past hours - "

"I haven't gotten to the good part yet!" Hanji's voice brightened in excitement, hands gripping the edge of the chair fiercly, and Erwin feared the fabric would tear. "Now it's an obvious fact that Titans have the unique ability to heal, and create new limbs or other body parts when their own are severed, with zero aid or even conscious effort. This same principle applies to Eren. The idea that his body can create antibodies out of pure need is extraordinary! And it's something I believe we can tap into, for the benefit of research. I have an experiment to do, but I will need your written consent to do so."

Wasn't it always for the benefit of research? Erwin had put up with two very rowdy and dangerous Titans, tied behind headquarters like stray dogs, for the benefit of research. He had put Eren Jäger through a whole lot of Hanji _hell_ for the benefit of research. And in turn, the research had benefitted nothing back.

It was safe to say that the excuse was no longer swaying him.

Erwin rose gently, moving to his shelf to retrieve a folder of papers, "Pardon my intrusion Hanji, but as you know we have the pressing matter of curing our soldiers to attend to. I am reluctant to put this task on hold, even for Jâger. How is this research any different than your other futile ventures?"

The silence that replied made Erwin pause, wishing in slight he hasn't phrased his words so harshly. He glanced over his shoulder to see the woman, still sitting at attention but with the candlelight burning bright reflections on her glasses. There had been a chord struck inside of her at his words, summoning solemnity like a spark. Her hands had relaxed on the arms of the chair, though her words were firm and gripped the air tightly.

"My research is for the sake of humanity. I would never embark on the study of something I did not wholeheartedly believe would further humanity's cause - even if it meant going against what I believe is ethical or morally acceptable."

Hanji met his eyes.

"If there is a way that I can determine how our enemy ticks, we are giant leaps forward toward the regaining of our dignity inside these pathetic Walls. What I am doing, I am doing for the freedom of humankind."

Erwin raised his brows, somewhat at the solemnity that weighed upon her words, somewhat at the terse expression on her face. Despite his frequent misgivings, this was exactly why he respected her - and Levi, for that matter. Though unorthodox as they may be there was next to nothing that would stop them from achieving mankind's ultimate desire.

The Commander gave Hanji a nod of understanding, finding his seat opposite of her and beginning to scribble down a short authorization sheet for the sake of documentation. "Very well, Section Commander. I trust your judgement in this matter above all others. Please, proceed."

It was like a light switch turned her entire body on, back to the hyperactive state she was buzzed on even at this hour, and Hanji grinned and clasped her hands together happily. Erwin doubted how these two personas existed simultaneously, and felt suddenly that he had been fooled into submission. A scowl found his face.

"Aw, you act tough, Danchou, but I knew you would understand!"

"Were you making all that up just to get me to agree with you - "

"So, Jäger and his bodies ability to create has the potential of unlocking a whole new realm of medical science! My experiment is merely speculation and the tip of the iceberg, but it's branching on revolutionary if my theories are correct.”

That almost devilish look glinting in her eyes gave Erwin an edge of caution, whilst also fuelling his curiosity. Whatever she had in store, he had just agreed to it. The blonde sighed, leaning back in his chair a little and preparing himself to receive a lengthy lecture.

"Enlighten me, Commander."

* * *

 

 

The kid returned the next day.

Levi's fever had gone down to a more manageable level, according to Hanji during her daily check up, and was expected to decrease as the week went on. His body still ached and his headache lingered, but Levi felt less nauseous and more like himself.

That's why when Eren rapped softly on his door, he decided to let him in. Partially because he felt bad about their parting yesterday, and partially because he brought a broom with him and offered to sweep. The dust in the old room was driving him insane, and he couldn't say no. It was probably a bribe - probably a bribe thought up by Hanji, no doubt - but Levi didn't care.

Levi turned his head again toward Eren, who was still methodically creating a small pile of dirt in the middle of the floor. His sweep strokes were slow and careful, groomed into him from the many rebukes his previous cleaning skills had received. The funny warmth of pride that hit him caused Levi to almost smile. Even though the brat was mostly subpar at what he could do, he never gave up until he succeeded. It was an enviable stubborn dedication, and it proved results.

 _Why the hell am I being so sentimental?_  Levi thought, and realized just as he did, rolling his eyes at himself. _Damn these hormones_.

They had, unlike the other symptoms of his sickness, gotten a bit worse. Hanji, who had been keeping track of literally everything concerning his illness - everything, mind you, was no understatement - forced every detail about his mood swings out of him each day. Apparently, they were rather spastic and hard to chart.

"They aren't affected by nutrition, fatigue, or physical activity. They follow no clear pattern, aren't particular to a certain time of day, and vary in their length of affecting your body." Hanji had cited the information from her notebook, "They seem to be more frequent when your fever's running high, but that's the only specific I can find. Oh! Maybe they're affected by brain activity! Can you recall exactly what you're thinking when your mood swings occur?"

"Hell no. And it's not affected by that. Sometimes I get sad about the stupidest shit, like the windows or the sunlight."

"Hmm, interesting." She had scribbled the words down, "What do you feel is your most frequent occurring emotional state?"

At that moment, Levi had hesitated. He had said that it was anger. Hanji had laughed, not surprised, and soon finished up his checkup.

He had lied. Truly, it was his damn libido that was overwhelming him. Overwhelming him to the point that sleeping it off did nothing, that he was almost constantly sheen with feverish sweat, skin sensitive and hot and desperate for someone to touch him. And of course, he did not dare do anything about it.

Levi hadn't lied about it because he was embarrassed; the last thing he wanted was Hanji poking and prodding at him, especially how she had reacted about it earlier. Hell, she would probably even insist to assist him in the matter. He wanted to handle the problem himself.

Having the brat around seemed to help. Eren's presence distracted him - mostly because he talked almost non-stop, and could distract him from anything. He felt calm and relaxed, sometimes even enough to get some rest. Eren had been informed by Hanji the details of Levi's symptoms, so the Corporal suspected the boy could tell when his mood swings occurred. When he would get suddenly angry, Eren would actively pick a fight with him to help blow off steam. He would sit quietly if the man was introverted and sentimental. And when he was feeling arousal - which he knew the brat was oblivious to - Levi would set his hand on Eren's thigh or shoulder or arm to cool his emotions.

Dragging the kid down as a tool to relieve his mood swings certainly was not the way to handle his situation. Levi could not explain why it seemed that his hormones suddenly went wild when the brat showed up. Or why had he suddenly felt so much better after simply touching his hand.

And that was what he was afraid of. Levi had realized, the moment he grabbed Eren's hand keeled over the wash basin a few days past.

He _wanted_ him.

Now, this was not because Levi was some sort of pervert, locked away and forced to get off to the thoughts of the only person he had contact with. He did not want to sleep with Hanji, in the least. He did not want to sleep with anyone, when he really thought about it, alone in his ward when the brat was not around. It was against all his better judgement, considering the kid was still a minor and also a half-Titan freak with a short temper. At times, Levi wanted to kick him in the face just to shut him up for three seconds.

But as soon as Jäger showed up in flesh, his body flared into full-blown, flush faced arousal. There was something about the way he stood, the way he smelled; the warmth of his adolescent voice, the presence of his being.

Levi did not just _want_. He wanted _him_.

And it didn't help that Eren acted so damn _unaware_. The boy would dote on him, sit close to him, look at him for a bit longer than a friendly glance. He seemed all to willing to allow Levi his occasional physical touch to calm his libido. It was actually cute, in some ways, his stupid little half smile. He was so innocent.

That was why as soon as Levi began entertain the idea of shagging Eren, that same moment bent over the washbasin, he killed it.

All he was feeling was just the hormones, Levi told himself. They, like all his other symptoms, would pass.

Then again, he was not sure.

"Captain, sir?"

Levi closed the thoughts away again. This was probably the fifth time Eren had called his name in the past ten minutes, anyway. He rolled over, opening his eyes to see Eren setting the broom away against the wall. He glanced to the wooden floor, which was visibly cleaner. It automatically made him feel better.

"Does it look okay?" Eren asked, green eyes searching for approval.

Levi knew he could have made him do one last sweep just to double check, but decided against it. He had done well, no use of annoying him anymore. "It's fine."

Eren's concerned expression lifted into a small smile, and he moved then to grab the chair aside Levi's cot and pull it up next to the bed. He sat upon it with folded legs, perched like a bird, like he usually did. Engaging in small talk was not one of Levi's most favourite of past times, but it did pass the time, so he put up with it.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"If by 'better' you mean slightly less like shit, then yes."

Levi rested gently on his side facing the boy, the familiar heat under his skin spiking warmer than it had been a few minutes ago. He did not want to risk sitting up, knowing even the slightest strain affected his fever. His nose was plugged, giving him a sinus headache, and his voice was a combination of this higher nasal sound and coarse soreness. It annoyed himself, to the point where he avoided talking. Eren did not seem to notice, or care. 

"I guess that's good." Eren replied.

"Mhm."

"Armin just started getting it last night, and the day before him Connie and Christa both threw up during training! They're all on bedrest, like you, though their cases are more mild than yours."

"Did Doctor Idiot tell you that?"

"Doctor . . . oh, you mean Hanji? Yeah, she's gotten a lot of useful information about this sickness. She says that hopefully it'll assist her in her research about me - comparing their reactions to mine and seeing who did things differently. All I know it the illness lasted only about a day, which may be because my body can heal itself, just like how small wounds heal on me right away."

Levi nodded.

"But your sickness is . . . Hanji said it's pretty bad. That you're lucky to still be doing well. They're have been a few cadets who almost didn't make it, but with symptoms less severe than yours."

Levi scoffed. Sure, the fevers were irritating and not eating for days was getting to be an annoyance, but his worst symptoms were spontaneous hard-ons, and those certainly were not going to kill him -

As soon as the thought crossed his consciousness, Levi flinched and cursed under his breath; warmth began pooling straight to his groin, heat running over his skin. He was extremely sensitive today, this being the third time his body reacted in arousal. The feelings only seemed to get increasingly stronger with each bout. This was probably the worst it had gotten yet - _and of course, it happens when the brat is here. Of all times._

Levi was partially distracted, seeing Eren shift in the quiet between them on his chair, revealing a small hardcover book from his back pocket that Levi had noticed when he was sweeping. He hadn't purposefully been looking at the kids ass, though. At least, he didn't _think_ he had been.

"I brought you a new book!" Eren's eyes blinked, eager and excited suddenly.

Levi raised his eyebrows a little as he looked over the small novel. "Let me guess, did Arlert recommend it?"

"No, I picked this one myself. It looked interesting, something about two fighting families and some people who fall in love and die."

"Shakespeare."

The kid turned the small book in his hands, running his finger down the spine to check. He bit his bottom lip gently, and for some reason he looked goddamn sexy all of a sudden . . .

 _No_! Levi clenched his fists, closing his eyes momentarily as he rebuked himself. _Damn these hormones. I care about the brat. I enjoy his presence. That's all_.

"'Romeo and Juliet' - you're right! Have you read this before?"

"No. I've heard of it. If you want to read it you better get started." Levi started to pick himself back up and lie down again - partially to hide the increasing bulge in his loose sleep pants - but Eren made a sound of protest.

"I . . ."

Levi waited. There was no more accompanying sounds, but by the way the kid was breathing Levi knew he had something festering in his mouth to spit out. He turned back, seeing Eren's face had deepened to a gradually darker flush, especially on the tips of his ears. His chin was tucked down and near the crook of his arm, shyly, and he fought with his eyes.

"What?"

Levi didn't bother to coax the cause of his behaviour gently. There was no point, really. Why waste time soothing and babbling when he could just say whatever he needed to?

Eren tensed at the question, as if it were a painful request. His eyelids dropped in creases tightly, and he whispered, "I ask your forgiveness for my behaviour yesterday."

Eren had already blubbered out a sorry probably ten times, and it was nearly irritating by this point. Levi creased his brow, showing the kid his confusion, "I said it was fine - "

"I should not have forced anything on you, it's just that . . . I know you have been unwell for so long that I wanted you to feel better and I thought that I was help but really I made it worse. I don't like seeing you sick and I was worried you would never get well again and - "

"Stop running your mouth."

Eren's body reacted in a worsening of tension, but when a warmth settled on the front of his knee it escaped just as rapidly in a cascading flood. Levi met the eyes that awakened suddenly, roused by the feel of his thin fingers, and he replied seriously.

"I don't care what kind of _baka_ Hanji says: I am going to get well. You need not be worried whether or not this happens. You have other things to think about - "

"I can't . . ." Eren interjected, but his voice dropped out timidly. He repeated, "I can't . . . I-I can't - "

"You can't what?"

Fingers wrapped around his own.

 

The reaction Levi had to sensation of skin on his hand was internal and delayed. He forced his eyes to constancy with Eren's, though he wanted to look down to ensure the kids hand had seriously grabbed him. The pulse beneath his skin began a rapid accelerando, body reacting instantly to the touch.

"I can't stop thinking about you, Heichou."

Eren's voice was smooth in sudden bravery. There was no need of clarifying what he implied. It was like the question had always been there, and just now they were deciding to answer it.

Levi felt his mouth go dry. The room was spinning, and he could not tell if it was his sickness or not.

At that moment, it was one force against the other: mind and body. Levi had always been an intellectual, and his mind told him the best thing to do. He had gone over this a thousand times. Taking advantage of the kid would be stupid.

The best thing to do would be to move Eren's hand away from his hypersensitive skin, get up and take a nap until this massive wave of hormones passed him.

But everything else inside of him screamed in blood-curdling volumes to do what his body ached to do.

Levi focused back on the stuttering kid in front of him, whose warm hand clenched around his tighter as he spoke.

“I've tried and I've tried, but all I end up doing is just making it worse . . . I wake up and I think about seeing you and I get nervous when I do see you and I find myself watching you and I don't want to leave and when I do I think about seeing you the next day, and when you held my hand - "

"Eren - "

" - and at night I dream - "

"Eren - "

"- about you and me, and I-I - "

Levi rose with what strength he could muster inside himself and grabbed the kids collar, pulling him toward his face just a breath away from him.

"Shut up." He whispered, seconds before crashing their lips together.

His body won.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finally consummates his hormonal impulses - with the expense of Eren's innocence and the safety of secrecy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter because the next chapter is going to be longer - and even steamier! I'm writing this at 2 am so please, pardon any silly errors. Please enjoy

It was a shock to himself, having his body pressed up against that of Eren Jäger, and Levi could only imagine how shocked the kid must have been. He had to push himself up on the edges of his toes to maintain contact with his lips. Levi felt the insatiable hunger in his body find both release and tension, the sensation of skin against warm skin leaving him wanting more. His hands moved to dig into the mess of brunette hair, bringing their faces closer together in abandon.

At the moment Levi's lips took control of his mouth, Eren felt as if to collapse with the sensation. He swore he would have fainted if he had not been breathing so fast; a stunned confusion flooded him, thousands of questions coming to surface suddenly, but the way Levi kissed him distracted him from his coherent thoughts. At the same time, it was like a sigh of relief, all of his doubts about the Corporals feelings toward him confirmed. He wanted the gesture to last as long as it could.

It seemed, fortunately for him, that it might just do so.

Though he was unsure, Eren kissed Levi back, taking his face between his own hands. Something slipped between his lips, hot and explorative, and Eren forced himself to allow his tongue access to their kiss. Curiously, he tried such himself, feeling his lips caress and embrace it gloriously.

Levi's mouth was piloted by sensation, ghosting over the hot skin, the structure of his jawline, the elegant curve of his neck, applying gentle suction until he felt a shudder drift through the body. Saliva trailed an imprint as he pulled away and claimed the panting mouth once more.

Levi knew that his enflamed hormones combined with a stretch of abstinence meant he wouldn't last long; hell, holding Eren's hand had made him a trembling, quivering mess, and he was being bombarded with even better sensations then.

Levi was struck suddenly by that familiar heated edge of warning just as these thoughts surfaced, and as much as he wanted to avoid rushing the kid he didn't have much of a choice. They either had to stop, or keep going.

That, or Levi would be needing a change of clothes again -

" _Ngh_!"

Levi released a sound of surprise, lips leaving Eren's as the kid reached between them to rub against the centre of his passion. He was more than surprised at the bold gesture, feeling the fingers find his waistband with no hesitation to relinquish the ache he had been hiding for so long.

The gentle hand tightened around him, and he gasped. Levi could hardly react. At the touch, his stomach muscles tensed. He groaned, a strained noise. Levi felt the throbbing, hard ache between his legs beg for relief, pushing all at once toward the point of no return.

Levi half-consciously realized Eren still had his hand in his pants, and he spoke through ragged breaths in a desperate attempt to hold back.

"Pull out . . . move - "

"Move?" Eren whispered back, his grip shifting then to stroke him slowly. Levi cursed.

"No - "

He was too far gone to correct the kid, and it was too late. Levi was sent tumbling over the inevitable edge of pleasure, gripping the front of Eren's shirt with both hands, forehead bowed and pressed against the panting chest. The sound he released, he tried to hold back, but it emerged coarse and low like the soreness of his throat. Just like that, just like before, all it took was Eren’s hand to get him off.

There was a pause, then, both physically and mentally. Levi felt his mind still hovering above in a blissful state, grip loosening gently on Eren’s shirt as his breath left him in a sigh. He heard the uncertain whisper enter his thoughts faintly.

“Sir?”

“Hmm.”

“Did you . . . did you just -"

Rapid and insistent knocking came suddenly from the direction of the door. In a moment of clarity and realization, Levi became aware of two very crucial things, all at once. One, Eren Jaeger had practically just given him a hand job and was staring down at him with something that looked like awe. And two, there was someone at the door - which, of course, did not lock - and the only person it could be was Hanji Zoe, who had the decency to barge unannounced into _washrooms_ for god sake. If she found them, like _this_ - 

"Shit . . ." Levi tried to move, to steer himself toward the bed, but his body felt like he had just fallen from a Titans back and his legs refused to move.

Eren caught on, supporting his nearly limp figure carefully by holding Levi close to his own, steadying him. Bright green eyes were searching for so many things all at once and his mouth looked ready to run a mile a minute.

"Are you alright sir - “

Levi clamped his hand over Eren’s mouth.

"Ask me later, Jäger, just get me to the bed.”

Levi hated the harsh edge to his tone, but _god_ , this situation could not get any more embarrassing for him. Eren guided his unsteady steps until he fell back onto the mattress, hushing the kid furiously at all the fumbling noises he was making.

"Levi?”

Hanji’s voice had that suspicious, oddly curious edge to it; she probably sensed something was not quite right from the other side of the door.

". . . mhm. What do you want?”

“I sent Eren here, no? I haven’t seen him - “

“Well neither have I, and I’m trying to sleep. Go check the grounds, he’s probably out there communing with your Titan friends.” Levi called back, seeing Eren’s eyes widen a little in offence.

“Alrighty, but he if wanders over here give me a shout okay?”

“Sure.”

“Sure?”

“Sure, yes!"

“Promise?”

Levi literally groaned.

“ _Yes_ , shitty-glasses, now piss off!”

“Glad to see you’re feeling feisty again!” The voice replied with a hoot of laughter, fading away gently into silence again.

Levi moved the hand squeezing Eren’s cheeks, and the kid sucked in a loud breath in relief. 

“. . . Corporal, did you -“

“I obviously did. Now go wash your filthy hands and report to Hanji before she comes back and finds you here."

Levi barked the order and shifted a little, retying the drawstring on his trousers. He could feel the kid staring at him, but could not get himself to look back. Not quite yet. Hormones now calmed and damped to a near normal state, rational thought screamed at him. Has he really just done that? Why had he just done that? And maybe most importantly, was was he not feeling as guilty about it as he should?

The boy at his side sat still, patiently waiting for an explanation Levi did not think he could give.

“Heichou . . . you don’t have to feel embarrassed.”

“Who said I was?” Levi bit back, but he knew the tips of his ears already revealed it. He turned his head away toward the wall.

“I know the sickness gives you mood swings. I was glad I made you feel better.”

Levi shifted his eyes, finding the kind and genuine look in Eren’s eyes impossible to argue with. He smiled a little. 

"That was your first kiss, wasn't it?"

Eren perked up at the accusation, eyes wide. Just as quickly did he seem to cower, cheeks flushing the answer to his question. 

"I figured."

"But I liked it -"

"It's not about if you liked it or not. I can't expect you to just make out with me and give me a hand job because my hormones got the better of me."

Levi felt a hand resting on his own once again.

“Don’t pity me because I’m young. You aren’t tainting any of my innocence.”

Levi blinked, seeing the kid had regained a bit of his dignity, an edge to his voice that vouched for his proposed maturity. How quickly he could shift from an annoying little cadet to this, solemn and even-toned and stubborn as hell. Was he really falling for this? Another question he could not answer. Or, he didn't want to.

“I forced you to respond to my hormonal impulse - “

“I responded out of my own doing. I responded in the way that would make Heichou feel better."

Levi felt the hands upon his lap move slowly, stroking back and forth and awakening his arousal just as sharply as it had been before.

"I know it made you feel better, didn't it?"

Eren leaned closer, hovering his lips on the flushed edges of the man's ear. He could smell the scent of his hair, and even hear each breath Levi took. Eren's voice trembled, a mixture of uncertainty and anticipation. It was a low whisper that disappeared as soon as it was spoken in the increasingly dimming room, but it lingered between them.

"If Heichou is sick, then I am here to make him better."

Levi cursed everything silently: Hanji, the brat, his stupidly convincing words, the touch of his hand and his _goddamn_ hormones.

And then, he kissed Eren again, this time determined to return the kid a taste of his own perfect medicine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi surrendered. Gone were the thoughts of shame and confusion. All he knew was him and that moment. No sickness or Hanji or Erwin, nothing. Only him. Only Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the chapter you all may have been waiting for! It's not too graphic, (modesty is a trait I can't escape) but there is some detail.  
> Now if this isn't your thing don't fear, just insert "they did the do" in here ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> An update will follow very soon! Enjoy and please leave criticism/feedback below!

Somehow, Eren realized they managed to move into the small washroom, Levi locking the door with his free hand behind them. It seemed as if his envied fluidity in combat translated seamlessly into their situation. Nothing felt awkward or frantic, but completely rehearsed. Eren felt clumsy and was following the man's lead with every breath; Levi must have done it many times before, and he himself did not want to appear like an amateur.

The washroom was cramped, for it was a medical ward and only held a sink and a basin attached to one wall, but it did not stifle their activity. As soon as the lock clicked shut, Levi's small hands reached nimbly to the hem of Eren's brown shirt, and he tugged the suspenders from his shoulders to allow the man to lift his shirt over his head.

The sound the kid made when Levi undressed his top half made his mouth water. Of course he had seen Eren half-naked on occasion, in the communal showers or during a particularity hot training session, but never accompanied by the rosy blush his skin held. Levi hastily lifted his own shirt off from the waist, noticing how brunette's hair was disheveled a bit from the commotion, and _god_ did he look cute.

The Corporal pressed Eren back against the rough wooden door, kissing his neck then. Eren was not sure what to do, driven by sensation and desire. His hips moved instinctively, gyrating against his body.

At Eren's movements, Levi pressed their bodies closer, ensuring his thigh brushed occasionally up against the obvious bulge in the kids trousers. He knew when to back off when Eren would gasp in the back of his throat, eyes closing in desperation. Eren's hands explored Levi's chest, which was a bit thinner than usual, over the small of his back, down the curve of his abdomen. His skin was warm with more than arousal, pink with fever.

Concernedly, he gave pause and whispered, "Sir . . . are you strong enough for this - "

"Shut up . . . I'm fine . . ." Levi bit back, a sigh finishing his sentence, letting Eren kiss him over and over. He surrendered. Gone were the thoughts of shame and confusion. All he knew was him and that moment. No sickness or Hanji or Erwin, nothing. Only him. Only Eren.

"Heichou - !" Eren breathed, simply overcome suddenly in the moment. That whimper alone, Levi swore he could get off on, and knew by the unbearable ache between his own legs that they would have to cut the foreplay short.

"Turn around . . . "

Eren complied, switching places with Levi against the door. The bright eyes and flushed face met his own, and he watched in awe as he lowered his loose sleep pants and removed his undergarments. The sight of the Corporals body was enough for Eren to study for hours, and he knew his eyes must have been like saucers. It was barely even a passing thought how small he was, for everything was proportionate and smooth, pale skin decorated with scars here and there and the customary bruises from the rubbing of ODM gear. However, before Eren could gape over him anymore, it was Levi's dark eyes that demanded attention

"Take down your pants."

Eren complied, nearly tripping as he wriggled from the numerous belts strapped around his legs, his eyes never leaving the Corporals. He was a bit reluctant to bare himself before the man, but at the same time it really did not concern him.

Levi gave him a sweeping glance, and by the way his eyes narrowed Eren saw his arousal spark.

"Lift me." Levi instructed, and Eren moved to him again, slipping both hands beneath his arms and did so. Eren felt two legs wrap around his middle, and he pressed him back against the rough door. Levi held tightly to him, and Eren to him, continuing their abandoned surrender. Levi felt skin upon his hands, around his waist, and upon his member again. He moved one of the hands that held the back of Eren's neck down to grip the brat tightly just as he had done to him. Eren made a noise, deep in his chest, and Levi smiled slightly to himself; he had been trying to hide it, but he knew Eren was new to this. It did not make it any less satisfying. Rather, it excited him.

"Spit."

Eren opened his eyes, seeing the man holding out his palm below his mouth. His face grew red.

"W-what!?"

"I said spit."

"But - it's not clean - "

"What you're going to do to me isn't any better. Spit."

The words sparked some curiosity in Eren, and he complied. Levi dropped his hand down in front of him, moving to where they became one, and even lower yet. His fingers rubbed and stroked himself, his arm brushing against Eren's erection in the process. Levi leaned his forehead onto his shoulder, his breathing quickened as he slipped a finger inside his entrance; he moaned as he slipped in another, and another. Though he had never had intercourse like this before, he was intensely aroused, enough to make any resistance he had dissipate. He was subtly aware, though, that it still was going to hurt.

Eren was on the very edge of his control, trying to ignore the sounds Corporal made, trying to deny the skin brushing against him. He could nearly let himself go -

"Eren . . . " Levi panted, "Come into me."

Eren nodded, watching Levi adjust his hold on him slightly as he moved his hand between them to help direct him. With the writhing of Levi's hips against him, Eren grabbed his member and moved to brush lower, against the delicate space between, and received a gasp from Levi in response. He was warm and soft, and as Eren felt the small hips dug into him desperately Levi pressed himself tighter against him. Eren pushed into him gently, little by little, and at his gasps he made sure he was slow. Levi rested his forehead against Eren's, steadying them both.

When he felt himself fully inside him, trembling with the sensation, Eren waited. He looked into the calm blue eyes, and Levi clutched the back of his hair and kissed him again, moving with him to embrace him fully. Eren released a shudder and a scattered breath, unable to stop himself from moving, his hips from caressing.

"Slowly . . . " Levi whispered, gasping in a mixture of pleasure and pain, "Move slowly."

"I . . . I - I'm trying . . . " Eren cried out, overwhelmed by his desire. His movements he forced to slow, but soon he felt an urge and could not stop it. He thrusted himself into the man's warmth, again and again.

Levi gasped in pleasure at each thrust, trying to kiss him in the moments when he slowed. Every part of his body was feeling release, the pent-up tension in him unraveling into pleasure. The kid was eager, but Levi didn't mind; he knew the arms supporting him must have been getting tired, as well.

As long as he wished to last, Eren knew he was reaching his limit. Every sound, every movement, when Levi put his tongue into his ear, he felt on the brink of exploding. He wanted to wait, to not appear naive and to allow the Corporal to satisfy himself first, but it was getting too hard. Literally.

"Corporal . . ." Eren managed, not slowing his hips, "I'm getting . . . I don't think I can - "

"Am I heavy?" Levi whispered softly, delving his tongue into his ear again. Eren shook his head, the thought of admitting it making him throb.

"I cannot . . . wait . . ." He groaned, feeling the pressure in him threatening to burst. "Please . . . "

He wasn't a masochist, but Levi swore sound of the Eren begging made him even more aroused. Though he knew he could last longer, he simply didn't want to. He needed this. Levi gave Eren a nod of approval.

It all moved quickly after that. Eren tried to savour each moment that surrounded him, sucking on the pale of the Corporals neck as he moved into him, deeper, faster, desperately. He did not know if seconds or minutes past, sounds and sensations blurring. Levi rested his forehead on Eren's shoulder, shifting his hips along with the rhythm they had assumed. It was subtle at first, but he was soon lifting his weight quickly, feeling Eren's shaft hit that sensitive spot inside him.

Levi breathed faster, toppling on the brink of release; he reached and clutched his own aching member, gripping it tighter, tighter, his muscles aching with a beautiful kind of pain, the tension glorious, and -

"Levi!" Eren said urgently, rocking his hips as he still clenched him, "I can't . . ."

"Go, Eren." He breathed.

The words were stifled by Eren's gasp, everything rushing toward his hips. He thrusted three times, feeling himself burst then in a wave of ecstasy. Finally, his relief took over him, erupting about him in white hot light. His hips moved erratically as he released into Levi.

Along with him, Levi gasped, sharp and fast, body shuddering in Eren's grasp, the hands around his back digging into him, every muscle tensed around him. Eren heard the sound of his own name leaving the Levi's lips, and saw through half-open eyes as the evidence of his orgasm spill from his shaft in long bursts.

It was only moments later that Eren suddenly felt the strain he had been experiencing, and his body nearly gave out beneath him. He lowered them both to the ground, still breathing hard, and collapsed against the door.

Levi still rested his head on the kids shoulder as he felt himself being lowered to the floor. Spurts of ejaculate decorated both their chests, which panted in exhaustion and release.

Levi glanced sideways at Eren, still obviously coming down from his high. His green eyes were dark, fading their previous lust into that regular brightness they held. He could see a particularly red mark on Eren's neck that would develop into something by tomorrow - he couldn't forget to remind him to button his collar. Hanji would kill him. And Erwin -

Levi closed his eyes. He was still as weak as hell, body spent and fever still edging under his skin, and too tired to think about any of that now.

"Heichou?"

Levi made a soft sound of a acknowledgement to Eren's gentle question.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

" . . . did I . . . help you feel better?"

The brat. Always thinking about what was good for him, for Heichou, before his own self. Levi personally hated the gesture, but for some reason it felt like exactly what he should do. He reached up and placed his hand on the side of Eren's smooth cheek.

"Yes." He whispered. Levi thought he felt the turning of a smile on the face.

Finally, for once, the brat shut up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is released from quarantine, despite Commander Erwin's dismay and the tension that lingers between him and the Corporal. Soon, Eren and Levi casually find time alone, resulting in both needed and unwanted discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So this chapter was a while in the editing process (I was a week without internet so forgive me) because I ended up rearranging many elements. The next chapter is pre-written and ready to go, so expect an update following in the next week!
> 
> Beware a little bit of descriptive interaction and cuteness! (oh, and lots of blushing)

"What do you think you're doing?"

Levi glanced over his shoulder only slightly as he pulled a strap over the sleeve of his clean collared shirt, seeing Erwin sitting on the edge of his cot, hands clasped and arms resting on his knees like he was making some sort of prayer. His quarantine had just ended, and leave it to the blonde to start doting on him as soon as he damn could.

Levi faced the small mirror in his washroom again, grabbing the cravat slung over the sink and beginning to tie it as he responded.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You're not serious, are you?"

"I don't think that question needs an answer. What do you really want to say?"

"You aren't resuming training today - "

"Yes, I am, and you can no longer stop me."

Erwin paused, obviously frustrated with his stubborn second-in-command. He had been at the argument for a while yet, first starting yesterday when he tried convincing Levi to take a few days more to recoup. Safe to say, it hadn't gone any better than this conversation.

Levi would always be that stubborn teenager from the Underground, somewhere inside him, whether he realized it or not. It became especially evident to Erwin when he was angry. He was unreasonable, unorthodox, and just plain rude. Right then, he was all these things plus sick, and obviously fatigued. It made for a tricky situation for Erwin.

As eager as he was to bring Levi back into the regular rhythm of the Survey Corps, he would be a fool to. For one, their next reconnaissance mission was to assume deployment in less than a weeks time. It was an already stressful and crucial time for cadets and commanders alike, preparing rations and supply's and assigning formation sections, running through maneuvers and emergency procedures, drilling especially hard into the new recruits the importance of survival on their early missions. Even Erwin Smith, who was perfectly healthy, felt overwhelmed at times. There was little chance Levi could jump back into the swing of things in their current situation.

And for another equally valid reason, Levi looked almost like a walking corpse. Having not seen the man for a week, the stark contrast to his post-sickness state was very apparent to Erwin. The Corporal must have lost close to fifteen pounds, mostly in his waist and face. His skin was palish, hinted almost green, and the rimmed darkness under his eyes made them look sunken. The way he walked was slow and unsteady, and even his breathing was hoarse. All it was was sickness, simply. Unfortunately, though, it was the furthest from that.

With a sigh, Erwin pushed himself to his feet. He didn't have time to bicker over this matter.

"You are not well yet."

"But I'm not as ill, so I'll take it."

Levi's tone was sharp, impatient.

"We need you functioning at one-hundred percent in order for you to be an effective member of this garrison." Erwin hardened his tone as he made his way slowly toward the small washroom, "This is not something to be taken lightly. Our next offensive cannot be vulnerable to any weaknesses."

"So . . . I am a _weakness_ now." Levi stated, grossly blunt.

Erwin leaned against the side of the door, allowing a gentleness in his tone. He knew the man was not negotiable, but it was worth trying.

"We are venturing outside these walls, and we can't afford a captain leading our soldiers fuelled by pride, but weakened by sickness. Choices made in vain cost the valuable lives of our troops."

"I didn't let you in to lecture me - "

"I didn't assign you into this garrison to let you throw your life away because you are too proud to admit you are weak!"

Levi turned then, meeting his eyes with a warning, "You may be my superior, but do not assume you are a saint and I am a sinner. I am no more susceptible to weakness than you. I am only following orders: you assigned me ten days of mandatory quarantine, and I was permitted to resume training once that time was up. That time is up. I'm not staying in the room a second longer - "

Erwin placed his hand on Levi's right shoulder. He felt the bony structure it had taken on, how heavy the chest was. It only worsened his fear.

"I do not want to prove you wrong, Levi. I believe your mind is correct when you say you are able. But your body disagrees." Erwin gave the shoulder a gentle tension, "Give it the time it needs to heal. I am asking this of you."

Levi stared ahead at himself in the mirror. His eyes flickered, alive with internal activity. But he shrugged Erwin's hand from his shoulder.

"You won't prove me wrong."

Levi pulled the edges of the white cloth taut around his neck, grabbing his jacket from the hook behind him and slipping his arms in before shoving past Erwin toward the door.

* * *

 

"Don't . . . ah! Don't bite - "

Eren hissed, toes curling and another trembling shudder ghosting over him, just how Levi's teeth raked across his skin. Hands smoothed over the planes of his ribcage, pushing up under his shirt, exploring the crease in his lower back, running across the tension in his abdomen. Warmth and wetness slipped over his navel, and just as Eren felt the hands swiftly unbuckling his belt the tongue dipped down and sucked him lower, intensity of his skins sensitivity spiking -

"Levi, I - "

"Shh."

It was a soft but unamused sound. It was apparent what Eren wanted - it became even more apparent then as Levi slipped down Eren's undergarments and let his rosy erection free - despite his soft mewling protests.

As uncomfortable and cramped as it was in this damn tiny room, it was still just enough space to romp around in. Granted it was not the most ideal of places, but seeing each other only twice in nearly two weeks was enough to put aside location.

A week had passed since his leave from quarantine and Levi's low grade fever had been at a steady plateau ever since the day of his and Eren Jäger's . . . incident together. Of course the kid had bragged that his medicine was better than Commander's Hanji's any day, in which Levi had punched him in the forearm for.

Levi had only managed to see Eren in passing since their consummation - it was not as if they were avoiding each other, but they kept a comfortable distance for secrecy's sake. They were both very busy, considering the upcoming excursion, and Levi no longer had hours to spend lying in bed with Eren anymore. As well, Levi's own hormones had been damped to a more normal level, and he no longer felt the urge to devour the brat's mouth whenever he saw him; warm passing glances had been just enough to satiate him.

They had finally been able to find each other alone when Eren had been assisting Levi to transport his clothes and supplies from the medical ward to his private bedroom, four days prior. Then had been Levi's first time letting anyone else inside the room. Eren had gaped like he did and babbled about its amazing qualities and Levi had devoured the brat's mouth, in hard kiss, to shut him up. The brat had grinned, that grin he always did, and Levi had rolled his eyes seconds before Hanji trailed behind them with more things. She hadn't noticed the bright blush on Eren's cheeks as she dragged him away from Levi again, back to whatever nonsense she did with him.

Today, however, catching a glimpse of Eren's bright eyes after the mornings daily meeting had not sufficed for Levi. Of course with limited time - and the tip not to be blatant - Levi had steered the kid aside and casually pressed him up against the wall. Casually, at first; now, maybe, the word _desperately_ better fit their position. 

"Stop whining." Levi mumbled at the whimpering form, tone flat and stern.

"I-I'm not!" Eren's ears deepened pink. "Ngh - I don't want - "

" _Shh_ . . ." Levi shifted on his knees, moving closer between Eren's bent legs, resting one hand on each of his thighs. His thumbs rubbed in rhythmic circles. This time Levi could feel the tremble coarse through the boys body. The hardness between his legs bobbed up, flush with his belly.

Eren leaned forward desperately, lips longing to meet with the Corporals pale skin, to find sensation. His hands met with the warmth of Levi's cheek, but the man grabbed his hand and moved it away immediately.

It was odd that he denied Eren the gesture, but the boy did not think twice. His attention was suddenly both captured wholeheartedly and scattered into shards, feeling Levi's mouth surround his member. The abrupt action caused Eren to buck forward instinctively, muscles like steel as he let out a coarse groan. He barely adjusted, for as soon as the sensation had gripped him it began sucking him. His lips caressed, the friction wonderful, speeding up rapidly.

Feeling that familiar edge of ecstasy already threatening, Eren reached to still the mouth around him, shifting and lifting the chin up - but Levi moved away from him and evaded his touch, continuing his ministrations.

The dedication Levi was showing to this blowjob was a bit more than he'd ever shown, and Eren was concerned. He forced the man to raise his head by pulling out, straightening his spine a bit. It took a moment, but Eren blinked, meeting the dark eyes reflecting in the dimness. They were still and calm, and tracing down the lips were parted just in slight, the skin flushed yet pallid.

The sensation of Levi's hand found his member, and he began to stroke him, quickly, almost unfeeling. He still met his eyes, blankly.

"Sir . . . " Eren warned, "I'm going to - please, wait - "

He moved to stop the grip around him; this time, he was pushed back to lay flat by a strong hand. Harshly.

"Ow!" Eren rubbed his head where it had met the floor with a _thump_ ," Corporal - "

"What do you want, Eren?"

Levi's whisper was coarse. Eren's brows wrinkled, staring up at the man. From the beneath him, the Corporal was unusually imposing, the tense structure of his well-worked shoulders and sturdiness of his form only heightened the illusion.

The burning arousal in Eren's belly was suddenly salved by the coolness in Levi's tone. It was the tone he used only during training sessions: firm, unforgiving and demanding. His expression was blank with anger. _Where has this come from?_

"Sir?" Eren knew he sounded frightened, but he wanted that to come across.

" _What do you want_?!" Levi nearly shouted.

"I wanted to kiss you - "

"No! The question is do you want to get off or not? I don't have time to fool around in this damn cramped closet!"

"You don't . . . I'm sorry, sir - "

 

" _Don't_ _apologize_!"

Suddenly, Eren recoiled by reflex at the angry figure above him, pressing bare flesh against the back of the closet. He called in response, trying to match the tone that barked at him, "I'll stop, I swear! I don't want anything anymore!"

It was the inevitable expanse of silence that hovered in the tiny, cramped room for a stretch of time. In it, Levi's feverish swell of anger calmed rapidly, and the fists he had clenched relaxed. He realized, a few moments ago he had been caught suddenly in a terrible hormonal rift. This had been occurring ever since his sickness, and still hung on irritatingly. He realized what he had done, and how he had frightened the form still parted warily from him. 

Levi glanced up to see Eren had shifted to his bent knees, re-buckling his trousers, chin tucked low to hide his eyes. Levi knew he was avoiding eye contact deliberately. The kid went from bold to bashful so fast it was like a split-personality.

"Hey."

Eren did not look up, pulling straps upon his shoulders, but his head bobbed a bit in a nod.

"Don't act like that." Levi let his voice drop, forcing the undertone to a softness, "What's wrong. You don't have to hide from me like a rat in the sunlight."

Levi was a bit unprepared for what he demanded. Eren lifted his head slowly, eyes brimming with glossiness, his lower lip controlled by tremors. It was as if every part of him was holding back the inevitable sobs lurking in his throat; the soft hiccups were held back as a hand clamped over his mouth.

As much as Levi wanted to roll his eyes and tell the brat to man up, he didn't. In fact, he did not even entertain the thought, rejecting it at the root. His first reaction was to soothe him, oddly. Eren had rarely been so emotional - that Levi had witnessed, of course - in the sense of sadness. Anger, joy, frustration, these things were commonplace. But the sudden onslaught of sadness, sadness caused by him, made Levi feel guilty. _Maybe it's the hormones._

Before Levi could really decide what to do, the weight of the kid suddenly toppled on top of him, forcing him back on his elbows as Eren wrapped his arms around his waist. He buried his face into the soft of Levi's chest.

Levi let him be. He placed a hand on the soft brunette hair gently, feeling the racing heartbeat against his ribs. Eren was a little heavier than him, but the comfort of his arms distracted Levi from the slight suffocation.

After a minute of letting the boy cry, Levi heard the shattered breaths smooth to a calm. Eren sniffed a little.

"You're getting snot on my shirt."

Eren began wiping his eyes, replying quickly, "Sorry, I-I didn't mean to . . ."

"It's fine. I was kidding."

"Oh."

He settled upon his chest again, hand stroking along Levi's back, gently, absentmindedly.

"I'm sorry, sir. It was my fault - "

"It was not your fault."

"But sir - "

 "I said, don't apologize." As much as he hated admitting it, he knew he owed it to the kid. "I'm sorry. If I hurt you."

". . . I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't."

The pause was lengthy. Eren's fingers paused their idle movements along his spine.

"Then I didn't realize you didn't want to - "

"I sure as hell wanted to. It's just . . . "

". . . just what?"

"It's the sickness, still. My mood swings are not stable. Sometimes, it is out of my control, the way I want to feel."

"You weren't angry?"

"No. Not initially. I grew upset, and my body took it out of proportion. I wanted to . . ."

"To what?"

"I couldn't get myself to . . . _respond_."

"Oh . . ."

Eren turned to sit up, eyes wide in childish realization.

Levi felt the warmth on his face and looked stubbornly to the floor; _damn these hormones_ , he cursed for the thousandth time. Sometimes, he was hard as hell for no reason at all, and minutes later not only was he unable to get a decent sense of arousal, he was blushing like some shy cadet because of it.

"Heichou I'm so sorry!" Eren exclaimed, "I didn't know you couldn't get hard, I wouldn't have made you do anything - "

"Don't rub it in."

"You have to promise to tell me whenever that happens so I don't make you do it if you don't want to!"

Eren's hair was perked up like the ears of a puppy, in that cute way it did, and Levi couldn't find it in him to be upset about his utter obliviousness. His solemnity was to be applauded.

"As long as you promise to never snot on me again."

"I said I was sorry, sir - "

Levi sat up a bit, putting a hand on the soft brown hair and tousling it between his fingers.

"For the tenth time, drop the 'sir'; when we are alone, you're not my subordinate."

 

Eren smiled. "Heichou?"

"Yes?"

"What am I, then?"

 

Oh, great. _This_ question. Levi had been lucky enough to have evaded it thus far, and for good reason. Placing labels, making ties, it all made things that much harder in the long run. Levi had had no desire to begin this - whatever this was - in the first  place. 

He knew full well going into it the dilemma that they were literally spinning themselves into a tangled web. For one, if anyone even had suspicions of a relationship between them, it would cause an even bigger uproar in the Survey Corps that the illness had. Someone of his position, of his reputation, Levi Ackerman, together with either the saviour or destroyer of their world Eren Jäger? Somewhat of an oxymoron, to the extreme. 

But the look in Eren's bright eyes before his longed for something, and there was something in them that Levi longed for himself. It was not just a stupid, hormone-spurred reaction between them anymore. Levi had expected - had hoped, even, - that their one-night-stand would fade away into the recess of his mind as his imbalanced hormones levelled off. But no, the feelings lingered on. It was the kind of intimacy that was transferred without touch, detected without sound and experienced without sight. It burned in the core of his chest like a heavy burden, one he could hardly carry but wouldn't dare leave behind. 

Why, then, was he so frightened - damn the word - of calling this thing exactly what it obviously was? The simple four-letter-word that sat on his tongue, ready to be spoken, but was swallowed back. Everyone he had given it to, they had become lost to him. He had trapped them, tangled this web into a knotted mass that only tightened the more intimate they grew together. Levi felt guilty. Eren, he was yet too young. He was too innocent, too pure for the kind of pain that came along with this four-letter word, this knotted web it wove. His eyes were not yet opened. Levi was not ready yet, for that. He was not ready. Not yet. 

Levi sighed. He found Eren's hand in the dimness and placed his own atop it gently, feeling the fingers wrap around his. The question lingered on the kid's smile, hanging in the air. 

"You . . ." Levi began, barely a whisper, ". . . are a pain in the ass."

Eren's gentle laugh relieved Levi's tense thoughts. He propped himself onto his elbows, feigning an expression that was one of the most intense pouts Levi could recall.

"And I expect you to wash your snot out of my shirt."

"But I said sorry - !"

Levi cut off his words as he pressed his mouth against the boy's lips, feeling the warmth of his tongue prod against his teeth; almost immediately his previous erection took renewed sensation, urging for release with a new fervour. Eren felt fingers fumbled with his belt buckle again, but this time his own hands moved to assist them - 

It was another thump that startled their actions to cease, but it did not come from the inside of the closet this time. The small door behind them was jiggled, letting in a bit more light. Someone on the other side was struggling to open it. 

" _Shit_ \- " Levi began, their previous forgotten as the fear of being found struck them. He moved from his position above Eren's legs, while Eren struggled to get his trousers back on - 

The door was flung open. As frustrated as he was, Levi was actually glad to see who had stumbled upon them. 

Armin Arlert had always been a wide eyed kid, but the expression did not do his face justice at that moment. The blue eyes shifted from Levi to Eren, shoulders immediately tensing in realization and horror. The flush came like a pandemic to his cheeks. 

"E-Eren . . ." 

"Armin!" Eren, who was holding his pants up by the belt buckle, soothed, "I can explain, just - " 

The blond kid took off running as if a Titan hoard trailed him. 

Levi took a step, reaching out to close the door again softly before anyone else strolled by. _Shit_ , he cursed to himself again. This was certainly the worst time that could have occurred. So far, they'd been keeping themselves in unflawed secrecy, down to even being scarce on glances and words. No one had suspected. No one could have known. 

Levi heard Eren sigh a soft chuckle from his side, and agreed with his sentiment. There was no use being upset then. If that was it, than that was it. 

"Why the hell doesn't he run that fast during training?" Levi scoffed. 

"Odd." 

"Clearly." 

"No, it was odd he didn't knock." 

"What?" 

". . . Armin always told me he was scared of walking in on people, no matter where it was." Eren remarked, "That's why he always knocks on doors, just in case. He used to knock on the inside of his own door so that he didn't run into people when he walked outside." 

"You're lying." 

"No. Ask Mikasa." 

"Hm." 

Levi stood in silence, watching the door. Musing on how to handle what now waited for them outside. It was all released, everything, as soon as that little door had swung open. All their effort was gone, in one misplaced turn of a door handle. 

"Levi?" 

"Hm." 

"At least this is the perfect way to say we are coming out of the closet - " 

This time, Levi could find it in him to overlook the brats cuteness, and readied his hands for a lengthy strangling; Eren ran off nearly as fast as Armin.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Survey Corps set out on their awaited expedition, Corporal Levi finds himself in the throes of illness again but chooses to press on - a mistake that could cost him much more than he anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow hi! I'm so sorry this update is late, I'm getting into exam period and blah blah blah you probably understand. The next update will be soon because I do indeed have the next two chapters already written!
> 
> There is mild graphic elements in this, but not many. Be prepared for feels. Thank you for reading!

It was a concoction of jagged emotions, of unsettled fragments balancing thoughts of what could and may be, that were felt amongst the members of the Survey Corps.

The air of optimism was present amongst nearly all, in light of the dark period of sickness dawning on a new time of health. Although as well, the expedition was a short week away and that anxious stage was upon them, hovering like a slowly descending fog. Though a new day dawned, it was like death itself, dreary and mysterious, threatened a thunderstorm.

As prepared as they were, as battle-trained and maneuver equipped and supply loaded, as many times as they rehearsed formation and execution and evasion, as long and hard as every effort the garrison spent on this task, it was all up to chance. Every single time. Every excursion was like the spin of a rifles barrel in Roulette; Erwin Smith pulled the trigger, and all the others were victim of the outcome. Would they beat the odds or take the bullet for humanity?

Despite the bleakness foreshadowing, their noble cause was not all for naught. Some of the harsh odds were improved by the abilities of certain soldiers. The former members of the 104th Trainee Squad. The Special Operations Squad. And, specifically, Corporal Levi Ackerman. He was, perhaps, one of the best attributes of survival, a crucial pawn in the twisted game.

And he also was, perhaps, dying. Or at least it felt that way.

Things had been going well. Extremely well. That was, until his goddamn fever, which was still being closely monitored by Shitty Glasses, had spiked.

Hanji had blamed it on the sudden transition from bedrest to activity, optimistically allowing Levi to continue his duties. She had done it mainly because the look on the man's face when she had broke the news rivalled that of a serial killer on hard drugs. She knew Levi was honestly fed up with being sick, and she figured that his body would soon just will away the illness out of spite. (Also, she had not wanted to get murdered). But spite alone, as strong as it was, unfortunately could not heal him.

Levi wasn't getting better. In fact, he was getting worse.

Every night upon release of his duties, Levi would stumble up too many damn flights of stairs - which he swore were never as long before then - strip his restricting uniform from the clammy, feverish heat on his skin, and spend the night crouched in the chilled privacy of his washroom, half-strewn over the basin. He would vomit too many times to number. Sleep would come in jolted intervals, unsettled and faint as the dim darkness. And at the whitish streams of dawn light under the thin crack of the washroom door, Levi would rise on feeble bones, redress, and start another day.

Levi could not let anyone see. He knew that if he were jeopardized in any way, there was no chance in hell Erwin would go through with their expedition - or let Levi remain outside of quarantine. During debriefs and instruction sessions and training demonstrations for their rapidly approaching mission outside the Walls, he put up a steely, unseeable front that masked his every discomfort. Especially when Erwin was around.

It was terrible. It was terrible as hell. However, it was not as terrible as being locked away in the medical wards. There was no way he would be able to commit to bedrest again. On that motivation alone, Levi knew he would be able to continue, he would force himself to.

But it was Eren, the annoying shit, that had begun to pick up on him. And it was he who would spoil the game.

* * *

 

The day begged, by the smears of greyish-blue clouds waiting with bated breath to descend upon them, by the thick humidity swirling about them in a literal fog, by the already palpable sensation of tension within them, for calamity.

The hour was exact to their expeditions plan. Dawn had just begun to fall, and their mission was to take place in the protective embrace of the approaching twilight. The new formation was assumed immediately upon the garrisons release into the Titan-crawling expanse that was Wall Maria, and had so far continued solidified over the past two hours. Or mostly solidified.

The weather had always been considered a variable, and Commander Erwin had not allowed the bleak conditions that were upon them to deter their task. It felt like slicing through pure blackness, a heavy fog surrounding the ground below and a layer of thick clouds meeting from above. The air burned with a freezing edge, and rain threatened to pour at any moment. There were no stars to direct them North or even a moon to cut through the clouds. As plausible as it would have been to postpone their expedition - at least until the fog lifted - Erwin Smith insisted they press on.

_Easy for him to say, riding in the safe haven of the formation. Titans could be picking the bones of the troops from either flank from their teeth for all we know. Idiot._

A sharp whip of light pre-rain misted Lance Corporal Levi's skin as he glanced to his far right, to Erwin who rode just a few paces ahead of him in the head of the uppermost division of the Re-Formatted Long Range Scouting Formation. Along with them rode Hanji Zoe, Armin Arlert, and Eren Jäger.

Commander Zoe was present for long-range message delivery - they needed a strong soldier, capable of evading or killing a Titan single handedly if need be, in order to spread orders quickly. She had not gotten too far from Levi's side, due to the conditions; sending someone out, even with a torch, would be no better than shoving them off a cliff to their death. Levi also suspected she sensed his persisting unwellness, and wanted to keep an eye on him. Her face held a sort of transparent tension, knowing their dire straits but unfortunately not being able to assist.

Armin Arlert was their navigator. It had been a last minute decision, upon the news of the dangerous weather conditions. Erwin had chosen him above anyone else, knowing the boy would commit to his task with a dedication and solemnity no one else in the entire garrison possessed.

Armin was humble and quiet but had taken up his horse and trailed just behind their Commander, as he still was positioned. Levi wasn't sure if Eren had talked to him about their recent "encounter", but it seemed like he was keeping distance from both of them. By the low shelf his brow had taken, hands gripping the edges of the sopping wet map, blue eyes darkened, he too seemed to sense their unrest.

Eren Jäger had been leashed to Levi's watchful eye like usual, though it seemed like it were the other way around by the way the boy attentively shadowed his superior. He was skittish, nervous, and Levi only spared a rare glance back. He did not show it, and would never admit it, but Eren's anxiety always rubbed off on him.

There was nothing to be anxious about, however. They only had a few more kilometres left to travel before they would reach their predetermined turn point, where they would disband formation, reassume formation, and return to headquarters.

Simple.

Except something in the dim sky, in the humid air, and maybe in Lance Corporal Levi's own feelings, made calamity seem ever too eminent.

Levi hated going by intuition alone - and knew equally as well how much Erwin did - but he sensed this in his gut in a way he could not ignore. He saw it in Hanji’s thinned gaze, Armin's stare, Eren's wide and nervous eyes.

It was possible, however, that what he sensed was simply his nausea again.

 _"_ Levi!"

Levi recognized the voice instantly and let out a noise of acknowledgment, letting his heel meet the side of his horse to urge him up to Erwin's pace. The blonde kept his eyes forward, obviously just a disoriented as anyone else, though he hid it better than everyone else.

"The possibilities of a Titan sighting decreases as dusk falls, but we are doubly vulnerable in the darkness and this condensation cover. Even with our flares - "

"Our flares are useless now." Levi stated, "No way anyone can pick out a plume of smoke in this soup, no matter where in the formation you lie."

"Pressing onwards and turning back present the exact same risks, although we are far closer to our turn point than Head Quarters."

"So?"

"So we must decide where our heading will go." Erwin threw him a quick half-glance, "Press on or turn back."

Levi stared, teeth gritted, waiting to see if Erwin would look back at him. He did not. "Pardon my inquiry, Commander, but may I ask why you're bringing this up - ?"

"Hanji informed me you have not been serving at one hundred percent as of late. If you feel unwell we can minimize the route and have our turn back point re-navigated in by Cadet Alert - "

"Don't bullshit me. I'm fine. Press on."

Of course, it was just Levi's streak of fortune, as soon as the words left his mouth the were trailed with a familiar acidic taste in his mouth.

 _You aren’t a seasick cadet made ill from riding horseback_. Levi scolded himself, falling back again and gripping the reigns in his sweaty hands harder as he felt his stomach churn a fight against him. It was not just riding horseback - though that didn’t help - but the entire morning and previous night, there had only been small windows of time his mouth had been open for any reason other than vomiting.

One of the times was when Hanji had taken his daily temperature, with an all-knowing gaze but ignorant words.

“You’re . . . one hundred and four point two. Impressive.”

Levi had scoffed, spitting to get the taste of the thermometer from his tongue. “I’ll make the obvious assumption that it’s not the kind of impressive that indicates improvement.”

“My better judgement is telling me you should be in bed, resting with a cold compress and lots of fluids, not going out into Titan infested territory.” Hanji’s voice had been a cautious whisper.

“Eren has to be part of this expedition, doesn’t he?”

“As per orders. Considering if things do take a wrong turn, he’s our defense system.”

“He’s still only a kid. He can't fight all our battles, especially with his goddamn unpredictable streaks."

"That's true. But what else do we have?"

That was the reason. The only one, simply because it was the only one Levi needed. He hated saying it aloud, though it festered a fire inside him. It was not just the fact of the kid being vulnerable in battle that fuelled his protectiveness - though it was a valid reason, knowing how passionately rash Eren could be - but that he was reminded all too well. Of a day of grey skies and drenching rain, of determination, of life stifled and snuffed out before his eyes. He could not allow such event to dare repeat itself. The stupid brat could have been humanities last hope for all he knew. Levi couldn't let this chance of a kid be swallowed away because he had a _damn_ virus - 

 The gag was nearly audible as it came upon him suddenly, and Levi reflexively brought hand up to cover his mouth. He wobbled a bit on his saddle, balance thrown for a loop, and moved as a wave of nausea hit him hard in the gut, his body wrenching forward painfully as he heaved. He hadn’t eaten in . . . who knew how long, so he rejected the thin contents of his stomach fluids onto the turf below.

It took four long heaves and a few dry ones for the feeling to finally pass, and Levi tried his best to regain both breath and composure as he shifted weight back to an upright position. It was sour, the taste in his mouth, as he spit onto the grass; Levi wiped his lips roughly with the back of his hand, and noticed it was not just the acrid colour of bile. It was smudged red, with blood. 

There was no time to be alarmed, for Levi heard the sound of Eren's horse gallop to his side. Of course, the brat had seen. He rode not directly in his path but just a few paces back, discretely in earshot, but not enough to be noticed. Levi looked ahead quickly to ensure Erwin was far enough away before speaking.

"What." Levi said first, spitting again casually as if he had not just gotten sick moments ago. He was anticipating another of Eren's worried questions.

The kid was quiet, but responded in a stern tone, "You told me you weren't sick - "

"I lied."

The hurt was felt in the weighty pause between them. Eren's voice only deepened it.

"Why?"

Levi scoffed, playing it off the cuff, ". . . I am responsible for my own conduct, Jäger, contrary to your preferences of keeping me inside in a protective bubble. You're letting Shitty-Glasses rub off on you - "

"I'm serious!"

Eren's tone that one he had used ever since he was a boy mouthing off the rough kids on his street. It didn't make him any stronger, but it made him appear so. "You told me you would make sure you were well - "

"I am well enough - "

"Well enough isn't good enough!"

"It is now."

“You have to go back."

"No."

"I'll take you back, then - "

"Hell no." Levi stifled the kids heroics at the root.

Eren moved his horse closer, in eyeshot, begging for recognition and reconsideration. Levi ignored his gaze, staring ahead, eyes locked on the back of Erwin's jacket.

"Sir, - "

“You returning to headquarters means we must abort this entire expedition. We cannot do that without direct consent from the Commander."

"Then I will consult the Commander -"

"Believe me, Erwin would be just as eager to let you take me back as you are. But if you try I will not cooperate, so find your position in formation and don't bring it up again."

"I'll take you back unconscious if I have to then!" Eren's headstrong nature never let him lose an argument, "You can't stay here! You are a danger to yourself and this mission!”

“You’re naivety isn’t helping; stop spouting me sentimental bullshit and get back in formation."

Maybe it was that he did not intend for the words to sound as cruel as they did, but there was no more convenient way to make the kid leave his headstrong ideas than to make him angry.

Eren had fallen back a bit, but still kept his eyes fixed on the Corporal. He lowered his voice, "Levi - "

"No."

"Then let me - "

"Eren - “

" _Captain_! Target approaching!"

The soldier who let out the cry was indeterminable as attention was directed immediately to alertness, but it had sounded somewhat like Armin Arlert.

Eren fell back into position without another word, but with an honest glance that screamed his worries. Levi locked it away, knowing he owed the brat a hefty apology. Later. Then, he had to focus, shut out everything else - Eren, his damn fever and his damn nausea.

"Eyes open Scouts!" Erwin shouted, in hopes his voice would carry over as far as possible. With virtually zero visibility, they depended only on sound to determine their enemy. Levi shut out the hoof steps, his own hoarse breaths, closing his eyes for a moment in meditative concentration.

In the silence, screams of trembles reverberated everywhere in the turf, not the slow kind that took on a chilling crescendo, but the kind that began suddenly and worsened just as fast. Something was running at them. By the speed it was charging -

"Erwin - !"

The shadowy form that was one with the fog was only a blur before it was suddenly upon them. A foot descended from above, pillowing fog to part as it smacked hard with the wet ground; the slimy huffs of the Titans breath sounded almost like a pleased laugh, and a human scream joined in as it made haste to lay waste of them.

Levi couldn't see who had been grabbed, but when he spotted the flailing tails of Erwin's jacket speed by accompanied by the forms of Hanji and Armin and glanced back to see Eren trailing closely, eyes wide and furious, he did not really care who had been eaten.

"Heichou - "

"Follow me!" Levi shouted, cutting Eren's frightened plea off. The boy's horse had been spooked and was wandering in its strides dangerously, and Eren fought to regain the upper hand; his own grip was trembling intensely.

"Jäger, maintain position!"

"Heichou, I want to stay close to you - "

The grinding rumble of another roar descended into the air with warning, and Levi could see a Titan dead-on in the lessening distance. With force he reached to Eren's horse and tugged the reigns, practically dragging them around and sending them running in the safety of the opposite direction. The kid gave a shout of protest, but it was faded before it could be heard. 

 _Noble move_ , Levi thought to himself, knowing it cost him precious moments to secure his own survival. Quickly, Levi yanked the bit deeper into his steed, causing her to rear back and rapidly readjust to a sharp turn. The maneuver was a bit delayed, that dizziness still messing with his balance, but he avoided the planting of the monsters  foot, and just as rapidly as it appeared, it disappeared away into darkness as they raced onward ahead. That was what Levi saw. But it took him a half-second to come to terms with the fact that he was unable to avoid the Titan's other foot and was careening through the air with the rushing force of its aimless kick.

He was flying. But soon, he would be falling.

Instincts kicked in and hands grabbed his ODM blades, but with no trees around to attach his cable to, the thought was useless. Levi felt nothing in the moments that scraped by, not fear or anger. As if the feelings could not reach him, fifteen feet into the air. Was it his damn hormones? The sensation surrounding him was numbing, calming, as he slipped into the darkness of the fog hovering above; a scream, however, was pulling him back to the ground. 

Levi had no choice but to take the fall rapidly approaching him. He ejected his blades from their handles in preparation, tucking his head and pulling his arms protectively. This was the worst part, he knew, and he braced the best he could, wind whipping in his ears, the smell of wet dirt growing nearer to him again -

Teeth clattered as his right shoulder slammed first down and lead the tumbling of the rest of his body. Levi kept his eyes open, knowing that even if it dizzied him he had to measure his speed and stop himself from hitting anything else. Turf burned his forehead and it felt like every rotation took hours to pass, spiralling toward unconsciousness. Levi bit his lip intentionally, using the sharp grip of the sting to keep himself conscious.

The mangled sound of his name was heard just as his body decided to slow to a skidding stop, but it was distant from him like a passing thought, faint as the wisp of an eyelash blinking. Levi struggled to focus his gaze on something, anything, squinting into the grey around him, sensing shadows looming above him, but he could not.

"- poral! Levi - stay with me, C - "

Sounds jutted into ringing ears. Levi rolled away from it, but it pinpricked him everywhere. A low, hollow scream joined, but this time it was his own.

"It's my - it's all my fault, Capt - "

"Damn it - get Jäger out of here - !"

"- evi! _Get up_ \- Capt -"

The pain inside of him took new life all of a sudden, tearing a moan out from somewhere deep within him. Levi thought he sensed the forms of people above and around him, swore he heard the harsh tone of Jäger and felt someone gripping his shoulders.

For a moment, it was clear. Green eyes pierced his own.

" _Levi_!"

And then darkness, warm and welcoming.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the safety of Head Quarters again, Eren Jäger is plagued with worries for the man who risked his life to save his own. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Levi Ackerman struggles with his own survival, struck with a new condition far more grave than he could have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So glad I found the time to update this!
> 
> Now this is a crucial chapter in the plotline and not one to be missed. It's actually going to require I change the tags slightly as well. I do not want to spoil it for you, so I suggest you read and enjoy!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters of AOT/SNK. Although I do believe that if Isayama sent the me the characters I'd take super awesome care of them <3

_Eren stumbled._

_Green eyes were disoriented like he had been spun around by his ODM cable, and no matter how hard he tried he could find no solid foothold. He could not determine if it were too bright to focus, or too dark to see, both spectrums juxtaposed in existence together around the air where he wobbled._

_And finally, in the disoriented haze, something became his grip in the distance. Eren's eyes caught hold of a figure, sitting, head lolled down and barely upright. He moved quickly then, until he stood just a few feet away from it, tentative at who or even what it was exactly._

_The shoulders were sagged and jutted with bones beneath the pallid skin; it was like the silhouette of a jagged skyline, the way the collar bones rose unnaturally from the chest, the way the curved spine displayed each vertebrae. Every breath that lifted the chest seemed heavier than the last._

_The face was shrouded by a black curtain of hair, and Eren reached down to gently push it away, to meet the eyes behind it -_

_Eren pulled away as if he had been burned as the gaze shifted to meet his own. Dark and foreboding, the eyes were like shallow sockets. They seemed to look both past and through him, all at once. Even so, they were not unrecognizable._

_"Levi."_

_Eren was chocked by his own frightened breath, gaping at the near corpse before him._

_"Who did this to you?" He whispered, disbelief bleeding through every word._

_But as the gaze met his, the body shifted the best it could, and revealed the answer to the unspoken question._

_The man's arms were held close to his prominent ribs, cradled to his chest, protective to the thing that was literally draining him of every ounce of himself. It was just a small, bright light. It was attached to him somehow, though invisibly, but Eren knew. Where his skin met it, it let off a glow, as if feeding the thing from his own body. It seemed to hold existence not just with him, but within him. The grasp around it was ever gentle but never wavering, like a death grip._

_The thing was killing him._

_What seemed the most unnatural was the way Levi looked upon it. It was an expression both solemn and intensely protective, sealed with the very faintest wisps, merely traces, of a fading smile._

_He smiled . . . and it was killing him._

_Why was he letting this little light . . ._ kill _him?_

* * *

"Eren . . . Eren!"

Eren was finally thrown back into consciousness. He flinched, hands gripped the open air in a death hold. The sweat on his body was sticky and hot. The feeling of rough wood beneath him told him he wasn't even on his bed . . . where was he?

His eyes focused ahead of him, to the blue eyes inches from his own. The voice that had awoken him, the tone quiet and embedded with gentle inflections his brain had come to recognize, was Armin.

Eren looked to the figure kneeling before him on the ground, blonde hair unkempt from sleep. Leave it to Armin to sneak up on him in the darkness.

"Armin, what the hell?" Eren protested, blinking awake blearily as fragments of his dreams slipped away from him. By the way his heart raced, it must have been a bad one.

"You were sleep walking again. You were crying out, and . . . I couldn't get you awake." Armin whispered, "I followed you here. You must have been having a nightmare or something."

Eren rubbed his eyes, not replying. He wasn't particularly proud of the fact that he was still plagued with nightmares, and sleepwalking was just as irritating. Though he had mostly grown out of it, it usually only occurred when he was stressed.

Memories washed over him, and Eren looked around to reorient where he had sleepily wandered to. There was a door to his left, soft yellow light streaming out from beneath it: Heichou's medical ward. Of _course_ , he had come here; it was where he had been sitting, ever since the Captain had been injured. He was not permitted to see the man, or even to know his condition. That guilt in him was just as sharp as it had been since the moment it began - staring at Heichou's eyes one last time before the man threw himself into danger for his own sake. _I'm so damn stupid!_ Eren reminded himself again. Thanks to him, Levi could be on his last limb of life, dangling dangerously above death. 

Eren's breath hitched at the thoughts of Levi behind the door, whether he was even still alive or not hanging in the balance of his imagination.

"Eren . . ." Armin set a hand on his shoulder gently, "Come back to bed - "

"Is . . . is this Corporal Levi's Ward?"

The door of the little room swung open, as if in reply, nearly hitting Eren's shins before he shifted back.

"It is, and you're going to disturb his beauty sleep. Or, more appropriately, his grumpy sleep."

Commander Hanji leaned against the doorframe, her eyes hid by the glare on her glasses as they pushed up a bit by her soft smile.

"Sorry, Commander, we were just going."

Armin slid his hand down to Eren's wrist and gave a tug, but the brunette yanked himself free. The concerned blue-eyed glare he was given was brushed off as Eren moved closer to the door, trying to see past the tall woman's shoulders -

"Hey there Jäger, don't be a peeping Tom." Hanji grabbed the door handle and closed it behind her back, "The corporal is on strict quarantine, per Commander Erwin's request."

"I . . . I need to see him, Commander."

Hanji hesitated, her grip on the door handle loosening in resolve. She shifted her eyes over Eren's shoulder, speaking quietly to the blonde behind him.

"Head to bed, Cadet Arlert. I'll see to it that Eren tags along behind you soon."

Eren could tell even without glancing back that Armin was not satisfied with the order given to him in the least, but like the obedient soldier he was he gave a small salute and turned to head back to the sleeping dorms.

Hanji chuckled under her breath, low in her throat, "You look like you were tossed from a Titans back. You're not getting sick again, are you?"

Eren set his face, not in the mood for small talk, "Commander Hanji, with all due respect I request to see Corporal Levi."

His effort to sound firm was there, but his voice dropped in desperation to a tone of pleading, "Or, at least . . . tell me how he is. I don't deserve to be kept in the dark. I want to know what's wrong."

"How do you even know something's wrong?"

"Why would Commander Erwin keep me from seeing him?"

Hanji paused, smiling again as she reached out and ruffled the boys hair in approval, "You catch on quick, Titan-boy. I suppose if you keep quiet, I'll let you inside - "

When Eren moved to press pass the woman through the door, her hand resisted on his shoulder with a firm grip. He looked up to her, seeing in the dimness her darkened gaze, and he forced himself to pause.

"There's something you need to know, however. Heichou is very weak, and he may not want to speak. Do not push him, or force him." Hanji added in a softer voice, "Be gentle."

Eren sensed the graveness of her tone. He could not quite tell if it frightened him, or soothed him, that vague glaze over her eyes. There was something she was not telling him directly, something that he suspected Heichou would also keep from him.

But he would think about later. Eren gave the woman a nod as he stepped inside the room slowly.

* * *

 ". . . not without a risk, but the way he's responding I think he will recover . . . probably - "

"Probably?"

"Well, he has made it this far, it is a risk either way - "

"Doctor Abraham, you have to let me tell him, please please   _please_ let me tell him - "

"Commander Hanji, it is not in my jurisdiction."

The sound filtered into his half-consciousness gently. Levi let one of his eyes open halfway.

"But you have to - "

"Please, at least _release_ me - "

"Please, please, please, _please_!"

Levi realized subtly that no, he wasn't dead and no, he wasn't dreaming.

Being awoken to the sound of an argument, to his body in a different place than where he had fallen asleep, and to pain throughout it, was not as surprising to Levi as some may have found it. It was actually comforting. Sure, it was sentimental as hell, but these stupid little things meant that death had not crushed him. It had only grazed him by.

Levi winced at the sound of another of Hanji's exclamations.

Hanji was gripping the front of a shorter, older man's white jacket, that obsessive look in her eyes familiar. The man - who, thank god, must have been the onsite doctor - was like a wall with an impatient expression, not responding to the woman's rather tantrum like display.

Levi's gaze panned wider. A medical ward, probably the same one he'd been trapped in before, which was warm and dim with twilight. To the left of his bed were two washbasins, one filled with water and the other with soiled bandages. Levi clenched his fists, feeling the rough of the bedsheets and a sling across his shoulder - the one he had slammed down on his fall. The muscles must have torn by the numb throbbing he felt. His insides still felt . . . unsettled, but not near as terrible as before.

Now, that he was sure he was definitely alive, it would be nice to get back to sleep -

Levi gasped, feeling a twinge in his abdomen, and like the obsessive hound she was Hanji turned in his direction with owl like eyes.

"Heichou?" She whispered, though it sounded more like a yell to his sensitive ears.

". . . Hmm."

"Thank god, I swore you rolled right into oblivion back there and you'd never wake up!" Hanji fell onto the end of the bed beside his feet, smiling in gentle and genuine relief.

"My sentiments are the same." The doctor joined her, standing adjacent to the base of the mattress.

Levi didn't recognize him personally, but by his trimmed grey facial hair and stature of his shoulders he must have been called in from Wall Sina. The man looked professional and well schooled, and Levi had a sixth sense about recognizing the idiots from the Inner Walls, bred in him from his years Underground. What Levi didn't know was why such a trained, and probably expensive, doctor was overseeing his care.

The man gave a soft smile at Levi's obvious inspection of him. Levi only stared.

"I don't suppose you recognize me."

"I suppose not." Was the flat response.

"My name is Doctor Fritz Abraham, resident physician at St. Agatha's Hospital in Wall Sina. I have been attending to your care since the accident."

The fact that the incident had a label now irked the Corporal. But he gave a nod to the man of understanding.

"Do you know how long you've been asleep?" Levi waited, genuinely unsure.

". . . a few hours?"

"Two days, nearly three."

 _Damn it_. Levi cursed to himself. There was no way he was getting out of bedrest now.

"We had stumbled onto a Titan hoard, as strange as that may sound, but it must have simply been a handful of Abnormals who picked up our scent.  The rest of the cadets are fine. We were able to kill them off quickly, and get back to HQ. You caused a bit of a scene with your heroics, and Erwin had a minor freak-out, but everything was fine." Hanji said, smiling, "Though Eren is pretty pissed, since he hasn't been allowed to see you. You know that kids like a raging Titan when he's grumpy!"

Levi scoffed. The kid was far too attached to him, but he still could not resist thinking it was slightly cute. More annoying than anything, but cute.   

"Are you in any pain now?"

The way the question was phrased sounded almost like Hanji _wanted_ him to be, but that was not abnormal. Levi nodded.

"Your right shoulder is fractured, along with the minor concussion you suffered from." The sound of paper flipping was Doctor Abraham looking through his small clipboard, probably a record of his condition. "Commander Hanji has informed me the details of your past and current condition. From what I understand, you have been suffering ill for nearly a month?"

Levi gave Hanji a glare dark enough to cause her to raise her hands in mock surrender. _That snitch_. He brooded, tempted to strangle her. His reply was slow and soft.

"Yes, doctor, I've been in recovery - "

"Unfortunately, Corporal, Commander Hanji may have given you a false diagnosis on that."

"So I got worse?"

"As a matter of fact, according to the tests I was able to perform during your unconsciousness - "

"Tests?"

"- you are no longer ill. You tested negative for any remains of the virus in your system."

As hard as he was trying to not react to this confusing situation, Levi didn't bother to deny the tension his brow took on at the words the doctor spoke. "Then if I'm not sick . . . why the _hell_ did they call a prissy doctor from the inner walls to bandage me up?"

"Your condition is still of high concern, Levi." Hanji tried to soothe, "You don't have the flu, but you are not well. You are still running a fever, and you've been vomiting a rather profuse amount of blood in the times you were semi-conscious."

"I can see that." Levi motioned to the soiled washbasins aside his mattress. He shuddered a little at the thought, of both the disgusting idea of it and the fact he could not recall any of it occurring.

"We assume it is from stomach tears, due to excessive vomiting. That's to be expected, considering you're - "

Doctor Abraham stepped closer, dark eyes wide in a blatant sort of anxiety as they came to rest on Hanji. "Commander, please - "

"Oh, what's the point of not sayi- "

"We are not yet permitted to release such information."

Levi, though he was weak as a brittle twig, felt immediate frustration at the transparency of the two. If they were going to hide something from him the _least_ they could do was to do a better job at it. The look in both of their eyes screamed a secret, but they both acted as if the mask were not there. Hanji fidgeted like a nervous puppy. The doctor's forehead was sheen with perspiration, though the room was chilled. Levi was not so much concerned about the secret as he was to their behaviour; Hanji never kept things from him, the blunt idiot. Why was she now acting civil about things?

"Tell me."

Doctor Abraham and Hanji caught his eyes then.

"I know you're hiding something. Just tell me and get it over with."

"I-It's not that simple, Corporal - "

"The hell it is!" Levi sat up straighter, "I have just as much of a right to know what's going on as you do, especially since it is concerning my own body - now stop tiptoeing around whatever it is like I am a fragile child and give me the damn information!"

Levi managed to be stern, if for a moment only, but was cut off by a ravenous, irrepressible fit of coughing deep in his chest. Hanji was quick to his aid, grabbing the basin at his side and propping the cool bowl beneath his chin seconds before he vomited all over his bedsheets. Levi's head was still half inside the basin, retching like a sick dog, when a reply finally came from Doctor Abraham. It was a long, official sounding term and it didn't sound like English. He spit and accepted the glass of water Hanji handed to him, his eyes looking up to the man slowly.

"What?"

"Hyperemesis gravidarum."

". . . I don't understand."

"Excessive vomiting that can lead to stomach tears, intense fatigue, dehydration, weight loss, and in some cases hormonal imbalance." Doctor Abraham read the symptoms off of his chart, but when he returned the Corporal's gaze it was grave.

Levi did not allow his facade of stubbornness to fade, though whatever the _hell_ the old man was saying made no sense. "What, am I dying then?"

"No. Hyperemesis gravidarum only lasts about three months, on average. You are a perfect patient, considering your condition."

"That would be good news, if I knew what my condition was - !"

"We performed numerous tests, Levi - " Hanji lowered her voice suddenly, "some more unorthodox than others - and our conclusion is tentative but . . . it is our only option as of now. You are showing all the warning signs. Your body is behaving in the exact ways it should for this diagnosis to be accurate. We can't explain how, or why, for sure, but - "

"Hanji I will wring your neck if you don't tell me right now!"

The woman dropped her chin, her bangs covering her eyes, and Levi felt nervous . . . until he saw the trace of a smirk at the corners of her mouth. She pushed her round spectacles up to the top of her head, looking at him with her dark hazel eyes.

"Tell me, Captain . . . have you been sexually active lately?"

Levi could not stop the pink flush from pouring over him, intensely in his neck. He scowled, "Why the hell does that matter - "

"It seems your body has been supporting a fetus for around three weeks now."

Levi did not flinch even slightly in reaction. If there were any intent for the phrase be humorous, he could not detect it. Hanji was giving him that deadpan stare as fierce as a Titan's blank gaze. "Why the hell are you shitting with me - "

"You know I'm not making this up."

Levi clenched his fists, feeling his nails pierce the soft of his palms, ". . . Hanji, don't you dare - "

"Levi, you're . . . you're pregnant." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so before you freak-out cause mpreg I do suggest that you take it open-mindedly. In the next chapter there is actually good evidence behind this dilemma, so stay tuned until then. 
> 
> Leave criticism/feedback/positive words in the comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren recognized better than most the face of fear, being witness to far too many afraid of his own self. Also, he knew well the expression of one who hid something out of fear. By his superiors' lowered heads, distant gazes, thinned mouths and still eyes Eren was given a restless feeling in his stomach. 
> 
> Whatever was wrong, it seemed to be something even more serious than death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you to my returning readers, and my new ones, for following my story this far!
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter than the last, but it is filled with some crucial information to make up for it. I thought a lot about this chapter too, so if anything doesn't make sense to you I'm happy to explain.
> 
> Be prepared for lots more sick Levi and cuteness ahead!

 

Eren sat like he always did, perched on a chair bedside to Heichou.

 

It was so quiet, he could hear each sleepy breath the man took. They were dry and slow, through his nose, and every so often they would pause in his thinned chest before escaping like a sigh. It soothed Eren just to watch. To see the still closed eyes, shrouded by the dark hair. The small hands tucked close to his face, fingers twitching, body calm and relaxed. He did not appear to be in pain, though the sling around his shoulder and the bandage on his head indicated injury. Sleep seemed to take the pain away.

Eren wanted to touch his cheek, flushed with fever, but also did not want to wake him. He was just glad he was simply alive; he would be able to touch him again, soon.

Neither Section Commander Hanji nor Commander Erwin, who like him took vigil in the room, had mentioned anything concerning Levi's condition. Truthfully they had not mentioned anything at all, maintaining their silence for reasons Eren was unsure of. It could be they, as he did, were simply acting in favour of the man's recovery, sensitive to his uneasy sleep. 

But Eren recognized better than most the face of fear, being witness to far too many afraid of his own self. Also, he knew well the expression of one who hid something out of fear. By his superiors' lowered heads, distant gazes, thinned mouths and still eyes Eren was given a restless feeling in his stomach. 

Whatever was wrong, it seemed to be something even more serious than death. 

 

* * *

 

"Positive, on seven different methods of testing."

Levi did not look up.

"You are approximately four and a half weeks along, meaning the fetus is still small and very fragile. As well, hyperemesis gravidarum is a serious condition that puts strain on you and your child. Refraining from strenuous activities such as active duty is imperative, and bedrest is required until you heal from your current injuries - "

"Get . . . out."

The room hummed with silence. Sharpness was the growling tone of Levi's voice, like gears grinding metal in his throat. This disgusting nightmare had to end. "Sir, it is crucial you understand - "

"I said shut up, and get the _fuck_ out before I break your neck with my good arm!"

Feet scampered upon the wooden floors, and the door closed softly from across the room. Levi pressed his palms harder into his eyes, feeling the numbness it caused. His breath was still quick with anger and shock.

"Levi . . ." Hanji's whisper clicked into recognition in his mind, "Will you allow me to explain all this?"

A part of him wanted a detailed description of exactly what the hell was going on, while another part of him wanted to shut everything out. Levi could not find it in him to reply. Hanji took this as a yes.

"Just last month, my experiments with Jäger had come to a point of breakthrough. With the illness in the garrison, I was researching a way to imitate Eren's ability to produce antibodies, and I realized that if antibodies could be created within him simply by demand, then other cells must have had similar functions. The regrowth of limbs and vital human organs could even be possible, and the chance to experiment with this idea was one I couldn't pass up."

"All of my attempts to inoculate others with Eren's blood samples or to somehow harness his abilities in medicinal form failed. I knew that I would need a better method. And that's when . . . I came to the point of experimentation by reproduction."

"As far as research knows, we have no idea how Titans reproduce. We are not even directly sure of their origins. Since they have no reproductive organs, we are called to assume they cannot reproduce in Titan form, meaning that somewhere and somehow at some point in time, a Titan shifter in human form must pass along the genetics to an offspring in order to reproduce. To see if my theory was correct, I needed to know what would occur if the boy had intercourse with another, specifically a male."

"I was sure to monitor Eren constantly, to document his health and hormone levels. It was just a month ago that I had noticed he had grown extremely agitated and quiet, and I realized his body had entered a state of ‘hormonal imbalance'; basically, he was in prime condition to reproduce."

Levi felt his gut grow cold with something that felt like betrayal.

“So . . . you sent him to sleep with me.”

“No, I - “

The woman’s words trailed off at the sound of Levi’s low, coarse laughter.

“I had been enticed this entire time, by Eren’s Titan hormones at that. All for a possible scientific breakthrough, my body used for the sake of experimentation.”

“Heichou - "

"Were all those sentimental words the brat whispered me just ploys to lead me on?” Levi’s voice grew darker with emotion, speaking both to Hanji and to himself, “Just to get me to screw him. You gave the kid the knife, and Eren simply had to stab me and give it a twist, right? Pulling the wool over my eyes was just too easy - “

The weight of Hanji’s body on the bed shifted as she stood to her feet, voice rising in frustration, “Will you shut up and listen to me!”

Levi was shocked into closing his mouth, biting his lip with a scowl. 

"I never told Eren of my proposition. My theories were all solid, all present and ready to act upon . . . but I could not get myself to do it. I could not force to boy into something like that." Hanji's voice grew gentler, "It happened on its own doing, Levi. I did nothing to interfere. What happened between you . . . was only what fate decided." 

The words . . . almost hurt to hear. At least if he had been betrayed, he could deny the feelings he had begun to feel toward the kid. Denying feelings, as cowardess as it seemed, was always the easy way out. But no. Levi squeezed his eyes tighter from beneath his hands before removing them. Hanji sat at the foot of his bed again, giving him that careful look she did. Sure, he only had those brown eyes and her word to believe, but that was oddly enough, enough to tear away the facade of betrayal he had pulled over himself. Even though she was a pain in the ass, he trusted her.

Besides, Eren was too much of an innocent to go along with such a backwards plan. The kid would have tattled on her three seconds into their first kiss. He was genuine, and stubborn. If it had been anyone else involved such a situation as they were in, if it were not Hanji and Eren, Levi would not be so calm.

And still, he was not calm. Hell, he felt no better than if he'd been stabbed in the gut. Levi wasn't even sure he wasn't still in an awful nightmare.

Hanji saw that her words had quieted him and gave pause, momentarily, before she continued. "I'm sorry, for not warning you about what could occur. You two did an excellent job of hiding yourselves, so I had no idea of why exactly you were getting more ill instead of better over the past few weeks. I am assuming that whenever you did have intercourse, something happened. I would have _loved_ to see it occur, and monitor the results - "

Levi kicked his foot out, nudging Hanji's hip enough to jar her off the bed with a thump and a yelp of protest onto the floor. "You sick shit."

"Ow, I meant _afterwards_ , calm yourself!”

“Sure.”

"Not even Dr. Abraham knows your exact situation, but we assume that a womb has been formed and your fetus is safely inside. You were essentially a prime subject for this experiment: you are the perfect age, exceptionally fit, and mentally strong. The risk is still high, however. Since we have no idea what we are dealing with, complications may occur. You are already showing signs. You will be constantly monitored, but . . . this pregnancy is extremely dangerous."

"However, it's not all for naught. In time, I'll attempt a few more experiments to test if the fetus carries any genes that may indicate it is a Titan-shifter itself, in which case we will have ourselves a breakthrough. For humanity."

Hanji picked herself off the floor, smiling suddenly, "You, Levi Ackerman, could be fathering the freedom of our world."

Levi felt his hands grip his sheets. The words suddenly collapsed upon him, like the heaviest of burdens. His throat closed, and his vision blurred, and he cursed his hormones for the thousandth time again. All at once he imagined the shitty brat who got him into this mess giving him that soft half-smile, and Levi's gaze was hazed with hot tears.

Hanji kept on, oblivious to his state. "Erwin is currently keeping this hushed from the higher ups for your sakes; who knows what kind of angry they'd be if this got out. Humanity's Saviour and Humanity's Strongest spawning a Titan-child? It's like the plot to a dramatic novel!"

" . . . I don't want Eren to know."

"Hm?"

"Don't tell Eren."

"But . . ."

"Listen to me: don't you dare tell him. I do not want him to know."

". . . I-I can't _not_ tell him! Levi, this child is equally as much Eren's as it is yours!"

"I know . . . how dangerous this is. I'm already weaker than I've allowed myself to be since I was a child . . ." Levi bit his lip harshly, trying to stop it from trembling, "We are still fighting a war here and Eren Jäger is currently the most important soldier we have. It is not fair for our military or his own sake to distract him with something like this. I know that stupid kid will blame himself if anything happens to me - and if he sees me like this, if I continue to grow ill, he will want this experiment to stop. He will want to save me over this _thing_ inside me. He will do anything to make sure I am safe. And if this experiment is as damn important as you and I know it is . . . I can't let him do that."

Hanji sat again, this time beside his thigh, and her hand rested on one of his still clenched fiercely around the fabric of his bed. Levi let his fingers relax at the warmth of her touch upon it. "This isn't just an experiment, Levi. What is growing inside you is not a thing."

Hanji brought his hand to rest gently on his lower abdomen, on the knot of warmth that made his stomach fill with uncontrollable tremours and his heart beat race in uncertainty and his head spin with worry. 

"It's a child. It belongs to you . . . and to him."

Levi saw the kid again in his vision, smiling at him.

"Would you deny him that?"

* * *

 

“He’d hate to know you were here. Good for you he’s out deeper than Titan’s throat.”

Eren was brought out of drifting thoughts, glancing over his shoulder toward the direction of the whispering voice. Hanji leaned back against the wall, glasses pushed up to the bangs of her brunette hair. The first words spoken in . . . whatever time had dragged them along into. 

“That is, considering the average length of a Titan’s esophagus is around two or three meters and in relative comparison to an average human is around twice their size and generally not remarkably deep, but considering Corporal Levi’s height is _half_ of that - “

“Commander. I’m sure Cadet Jäger understands the metaphor.” Erwin silenced her with a voice softer than her own; it was dry, flat with fatigue. 

Eren smiled softly at Hanji and nodded, "He never liked when I was around him during his worst bought of sickness. But now, he doesn't look in pain."

"He should not be, at least in his sleep."

"Commander . . ."

"Hmm?"

"I apologize . . . for being foolish." Eren breathed out slowly, accepting the guilt in his stomach as a burden he deserved to bear. "Because of my actions, the Corporal was injured. The mission was aborted as well. It was unwise of me to act rashly under our circumstances. I suppose . . . I was just worried for Heichou."

"No one is blaming you for this, Jäger, even if you think it to be on your shoulders. It may seem a fanciful thought, but it is scientific that all actions have reactions that have equal as much meaning." Hanji paused a moment, continuing in a quieter tone, "Heichou's condition may not have even been properly diagnosed without these field injuries, so this occurrence is not all bad."

"Commander?"

"Hmm?"

"Is . . . is the Corporal dying?"

Hanji shook her head with a look of warmth in her dark eyes, "No, no, no, he's far too stubborn for that yet."

Eren saw her gaze flicker, wandering over to Erwin's own for a split second of uncertainty, of clouded hesitation, before finding his again as she approached him. He felt her firm hand upon his shoulder again, but this time with reassurance. "The Corporal is still very sick. And you can trust that this time, we will do what we must to ensure that this illness will not be in vain."

Eren nodded once more, still soothed by the slow breaths Levi breathed, form curled close and quiet. Memories of his vivd dream came back like a stale taste in his mouth, of Heichou's gaunt body taken over by that mysterious light. He hoped to himself silently this would be the last time he put Heichou in harms way. From then on, he would protect him with the same sense of sacrifice Levi had displayed toward him. He would not even let this illness take him away, not like it almost had. 

Eren clenched his hands into fists, and swore it. 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> However terrible as it was, there was a bit more optimism in even the simplest of moments. Even spending the entire day in bed - by strict order of Dr. Idiot - was not all that awful anymore. Knowing he suffering for much more than his own self, endurance came at an easier price.
> 
> His hormones however, damn them, were as imbalanced as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I updated this late at night (2 am) in a sleepy stupor, so I'm writing notes now instead! I do apologize for the semi-late update, I'm going to try and have the next one up by next week. 
> 
> No strong warnings for this chapter, just some more sick and grumpy Levi. Enjoy!

Quarantine had befallen Levi again, much to his dismay. The same room, the same bed, the same four walls and three books to flip through again and again. It really felt nothing much of a contrast to his previous ten day quarantine period. His symptoms were almost like they always were. Levi felt a constant nausea. It was different from the nausea he had experienced before, for at times he was suddenly desperate to eat something - anything - and a moment after swallowing he would want it out of his stomach just as quickly as it had went in. The fatigue was just as present and more irritating than anything. Sneaking in short naps only made it worse, and Levi avoided it. He was sore, and still as hormonal as he had been. Maybe even worse. He had nearly started crying in front of Petra during tea the other day, over something she had said. Something utterly stupid like his appearance -which he knew probably was "worse than a serial killer on drugs" as she had giggled. Luckily he had raised the porcelain to his lips and closed his eyes, forcing the damn things away with an accompanying scoff before she had seen.

However terrible as it was, there was a bit more optimism in even the simplest of moments. Even spending the entire day in bed - by strict order of Dr. Idiot - was not all that awful anymore. Knowing he suffering for much more than his own self, endurance came at an easier price.

His hormones however, damn them, were as imbalanced as ever.

And, as of late, his own balance as well.

Levi halted the already languorous pace of his sore feet, using his good arm - the one not slung close to his chest - to catch the wall aside him for a moment of steadiness. He was surprisingly breathless, for having traveled only about twenty feet down the long hallway toward the kitchen area of the medical floor. Thank his luck, it seemed that no one was around this hour of the cloudy afternoon to see him in such a state: clad in a white nightgown, pale as death, hair uncombed and eyes darkened even worse than norm. He didn’t have enough strength to strangle them if they did, anyways.

Levi was not stupid enough to try to hide his state. It did not help that he had a constant sense of fatigue, and he could really only eat bread, water, and the odd craved food - and today, it was fish stock. Not soup, not even broth, but fish stock in a bowl.

His condition made him weak and grow ever more feeble, much to Hanji’s dismay. That was why, even though she was not there to help lead him, he was traveling to the kitchen to fetch another bowl. He had already finished with his second bowl, sipping the last of the lukewarm broth and surprisingly feeling a familiar edge of hunger he had lacked for a while.

Rounding the corner of the end of the hall, Levi was enlightened to see the kitchen was just a few paces up ahead - what he was not particularly pleased about was the sound of cadets in the mess hall just off of the kitchen. Gripping the wall, Levi glanced behind himself in a momentary consideration of just heading back to his ward to sleep. But his stomach gave an audible grumble, and he responded with one from his throat.

“Fine. You win.” He whispered to no one in particular, strolling slowly and reluctantly into the kitchen. The first waft of food smell - what food, he did not want or need to know - made his hunger capsize into a gag he forced down. It had to be nothing more harmless than bread and stew but it made Levi move a bit quicker to grab the edge of the countertop for balance.

“. . . not like Eren’s not already held up on some high pedestal. Of course the little shit gets to go all the way to the inner walls - “

“Ah, quit your griping Jean, we all know you’re just jealous cause you wanted to go - _ouch_!”

Levi’s nausea was stifled at the sound of Eren’s name - a reaction he was glad occurred, though he hated to admit that he was pining over the brat because he sure as hell wasn’t - and his head was raised to look out through the _passe-plat_. The heads of various cadets lined the many tables in the mess hall, but the one closest to the window was compiled of mostly members of the 104th squad as far as Levi could tell.

And of course, they were talking about Eren’s temporary leave, as he had been hearing the cadets gossip about for the past two weeks. Rightfully so. Even he still felt the sting of the occurrence, fresh like an uncovered burn.

* * *

 

“What do you mean ‘necessary leave’?!”

“Don’t shout.”

Levi, who because of his sling could not fold his arms, gripped his right elbow and averted his eyes to his feet again. Eren, from his place facing Erwin’s desk, was doing an excellent job of both startling Erwin and making his ears ring. Levi, from his place sitting at Erwin’s desk, was doing a mediocre job of keeping a straight face. Not when the kid kept giving him those desperate green eyes. Damn him.

Erwin’s look of slight alarm turned at once to softened brows of understanding, hands folding before himself. “A mandatory hearing has been called, a simple report of business to the higher ups. As per norm, I require at least one active member of the Survey Corps to accompany me.“

“There’s a whole garrison of soldiers here. Pick one of them.”

“I’ve already put it on the report. If I show up now accompanied by someone other than Eren Jäger we are only giving people more reason to question our motives.”

“This is stupid!”

“Don’t shout.” Levi piped in again, still doing his best to avoid Eren's eyes.

“Because of the nature of our mission, and the circumstances that ensued, we are called to make an appearance, nothing more. This has nothing to do with your role in the mission. It will put you to active use, and give you a welcome break from Commander Zoe for a time -“

“Pardon my interruption sir, but I refuse to leave at this time.”

 _Stubborn brat_ , Levi closed his eyes, preparing himself to speak. He had not wanted to resort to this.

“Commander Hanji has informed me that Levi Heichou is in critical condition. I believe it is my duty to ensure he is restored to full health, considering I am the one responsible for his injuries on the battlefield.”

“Stop talking shit, Jäger. You and I both know I’m not dying from a shoulder injury.” Levi kept his eyes closed.

“But … Heichou - "

“But nothing. You may be half monster, but that’s all the reason why we have you on a leash. You have to learn when to heel. Now be a good boy and listen to the commander.”

The pause indicated the brat’s response. Levi’s eyelids trembled as footsteps faded, and he was startled by the slamming of the door. He gripped his sore arm tighter.

Erwin’s hand was detected, soft pressure on his shoulder, wordless.

“I am sure he will come around, Levi.”

“Hmm.”

Levi’s eyelids fluttered back open, staring blankly. The void in his stomach, one he thought was simply just nausea, grew worse then.

* * *

 

Probably the fifth time he was reminded of their separation that day, and he felt no less sappy about it, as uncharacteristic as it was. Levi had accepted the fact long ago that this feeling of _offness_ , for lack of a better word, would be with him for a while. Yes, he hated every second of it but was much more lenient considering all the work his body was doing to grow a human inside of him.

Hanji soothed him that the pregnant persons hormones were supposed to be a bit jumbled, and the more off he felt the better. He appreciated the insight, even though every single second he saw Hanji he literally wanted to kick her in the gut. Sometimes he did. Especially when she took his blood for the third time in one day, or measured his waistline, or weighed him, or took his temperature or analyzed his vomit.

Oft times, oddly enough, he found himself wishing for Jäger's presence instead of Shitty-Glasses for once. Even his mindless small talk would be better than vomit analyzation.

But his separation from Eren was necessary, and inevitable. Their small falling out still left a stale taste in Levi's mouth, of words unsaid, and it would take time to wash it away. Eren's youthful stubbornness needed to cool in order to understand the meaning behind Levi's seemingly heartless actions.

From the _passe-plat_ again where Levi’s eyes were idly focused, the freckled kid who had cried _ouch_ rubbed the back of his head whilst wiping spilled food from his chin. The kid who had hit him rolled his eyes.

“I’m not jealous of Jäger, and don’t ever assume I am. And anyways, its not like we’ll miss him. He wasn’t doing a whole lot being here anyways.”

“Except for experiments with Commander Zoe.”

“Yeah, ‘experiments’ - excuses for being a slack off.”

“Hey, cut it out!”

Levi saw a blonde head lift a bit higher than the others, recognizing it as Armin Arlert by the voice’s gentle tone- though then, it sounded defensive. It seemed appropriate, considering he had somewhat special insight into Eren’s real doings.

“Eren is important and you know it! He is crucial in the functions of the Survey Corps. As well, I know he played a big part in helping Captain Levi regain health. You shouldn’t just assume because you don’t see him that he isn’t playing just a big a part as anyone else . . ."

 _Shit_ , Levi felt his stomach turn again, grip trembling, but made an effort to take deep breaths, a tip Hanji taught him. _Easy for her to say, ‘take deep breaths’ - my vomit doesn’t seem to care whether or not it has enough oxygen_ -

He moved faster than he did all day to the sink a few feet away then, adrenaline pushing him, and heaved weakly into the metal basin. His head spun, fighting to maintain balance, breathe between the bile, and keep his shaky grip held tightly all at once. That familiar haze shadowed his gaze suddenly, and Levi cursed himself - he could _not_ pass out, not here -

A shuffling sound somehow made him aware of another presence in the room. Levi coughed, lifting his increasingly heavy head above the lip of the sink just enough to see the blurry form staring at him.

“Captain Levi s-sir?”

 _Ah, of course, the blonde_.

“Are you alright sir - “

“No." Levi blinked, battling the darkness around the edges of his vision. He was not thinking much else besides for the simple "stay awake" mantra he used. He mustered enough energy to create a response, coarse and softer than a whisper.

“If you’re going to help me … then hurry up, before I collapse - “

Levi felt his feet give, left leg stumbling behind his right like a drunkard, before he succumbed to the embrace of unconsciousness.

* * *

 

It seemed both a moment and an expanse of time, dreamless and still, that he spent asleep. Levi hated awaking, for the simple fact of being vulnerable for that split-second as he opened his eyes. But the feeling came and fled as he sucked in a breath, head pounding and chest heavy, blinking into the dimness.

Staring at him, from a chair pushed just about as far as it could from the side of the bed, was a figure. They sat, legs folded to their chest much like Eren had. Except the eyes were blue and wide, alight in the candlelit ward. As startling a sight, at least it was better than awakening on the kitchen floor.

Levi didn’t bother trying to sit up, doubting he could have if he tried, as the kid stood and approached closer with a glass of water in hand.

Levi looked up at him, brows wrinkling in a barrage of unanswered questions. How much time had passed? And how the hell had the kid managed to get him in here - tucked nicely under the sheets at that?

“I’m s-sorry, if I startled you, sir. After you, um, fell asleep I had Jean help me carry you back here. Commander Zoe has been sent for but so far, she seems busy with her experiments still, conducting a nocturnal - “

“Idiot. Has to be busy fooling around with those giant shitheads as soon as I’m really sick.”

Armin bit his bottom lip, placing the glass on the bedside table. “I thought I’d wait here, for her, or until you awoke.”

“Mhm.”

“Do you need anything else, sir?” Armin’s fingers balled in and out of fists, the toes of his boots wriggling, eyes blinking rapidly. “I can get it for you."

Levi rested his head back down, his groggy brain able to see this opportunity to have a word with the kid while he was around. “Yeah. Sit down.”

Armin complied immediately, cross-legged on the wooden floor in an instant.

“You’re acting too fidgety. It’s making me nervous.” Levi saw the boy’s pale face take on a flush. He was not actually nervous - annoyed was more accurate - but knew the kid would have likely ran away if he had said that.

_Not like he may not, after this anyways._

“I’m sorry sir, I was - “

“You don’t have to pretend you don’t know.”

Armin’s already pink face deepened to a darker red, “Sorry sir?”

“I know you know. About Eren and I. And most likely, since you carried me over here, about my condition.”

Levi watched the blue eyes reflexively travel to his midsection, before catching the man’s and averting just as quickly. “You’re too much of a smart ass to not, and too shy to hide it.”

Surprisingly, a laugh - weak and nervous, yes, but a laugh - escaped gently from the kid.

Armin shook his head, “I was really trying … not to get in your way. It was not my business.”

“Oh, it wasn’t?” Levi was curt, “Even that day you walked in on us?”

The silence of the small room took its toll for a moment. Levi noticed the patter of rain on the window. Soft raps, and wind whistles. Gentle breaths. A sigh. “You heard, and you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into.”

“Sir, I … I apologize. I did not think twice before doing what I did. When any normal person hears sound coming from a closet, they know to mind their own. But I thought someone might have been in danger, you know … and I heard Eren and thought something was wrong."

"You thought … I was assaulting him."

Armin nodded, "It wasn’t until I saw that I realized. I guess … I guess I was not thinking straight.”

It was Levi’s turn to laugh, though it hurt his ribs, sore from heaving. The kid was too innocent for his own good, and too good for his own innocence to be upheld. “I may have given Eren a beating once, but don’t think I do it as a hobby. And besides, I’m the one knocked up here.”

Armin nodded, and if he could have blushed anymore he would have. Levi figured he had embarrassed the blond enough, finding the words to dismiss him on his tongue, but was cut short. “So … it’s true.”

“Hmm?”

“You are … you and Eren are going to be parents.”

Levi scoffed softly. He considered it too late to be getting into any of this, but pardoned the question out of courtesy. The look in the blue eyes was hard to deny.

“I suppose.” “I won’t tell anyone, sir.” Armin’s fists tightened, moving into he stance of a salute. “You have my word."

For a moment. Levi questioned why the boy was acting so serious. But that faded, in seconds. This was the cadet that Erwin had trusted be their compass through the storm, sharp as a blade and steady as ground foothold. He knew the gravity of this situation, and his part in it was not simply happenstance; it was a silent understanding that, in Eren’s absence, he was taking a place, as a guardian.

It made the thought, the idea, of this thing inside him suddenly and frighteningly real. There really was a being surviving from his own body, in the safety of his flesh for now, that would soon be vulnerable in this world. And he would be the one to protect it. It scared him, all at once, longing for the warmth of Eren’s hand in his. Levi felt his breaths lighten, with an inaudible damn it cursing his hormones again.

Acting on pure impulse, his left hand reached out and touched the shoulder, which tensed upon his palm.

“Thank you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Footsteps leaving let Eren relax a little, tensed shoulders lowering. His stance, steady before the urinal, was trembling. The smell he had been imagining was replaced by the pungency of reality, the stale scent of tile and other things he didn't want to think on. His previous reverie was lost. His erection, however, was present as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 2 am, so quick notes! Sorry for the slow update, I am hoping to be sooner next time. Also, there is slight steaminess here so watch out (or enjoy!)
> 
> Thank you!

Eren clomped his way up the flight of stairs leading to the Corporals Ward, feeling every step send pricks of soreness up the tender soles of his feet. He had been running around all day - and that was an understatement considering the energy level of Commander Hanji. It had already been tiring enough helping her take numerous samples from Sawney and Bean, which had involved three hours of shouting commands, tying down restraints and nearly getting snatched up by the damned things and eaten. Sure, Eren understood he himself took similar form at times, but those things had no human beings in their necks. They were clumsy and stupid and he still loathed every bit of them.

Thus, he had been tangled into an inevitable poor mood and paired with his fatigue he certainly did not feel up to doing anything else that day.

Or, he hadn't been. Granted, he was physically tired as hell and similarly mentally drained, but upon returning to his room a factor he often had no control over had suddenly overcome him. Mid-undressing, like an embarrassed flush, his body had taken a layer of warmth all over and a recognizable bulge was felt near the button of his trousers. Previous fatigue was put aside as his body craved sensation like a raging hunger. He needed to see Levi. _Right_ then.

It had been reluctantly - and casually, considering Armin was watching - that he had redressed and traveled toward the staircase leading to the floor of medical wards. He had not seen Heichou all day, and had no idea what he would be walking into, but to relieve the ache in him he would do what he had to. Besides, he knew Levi was never a stickler for this sort of thing. Despite his youthful fervency the man was usually kind, and these late visits were common. Hopefully, for Eren's sanity's sake, he was in a kind mood.

Eren could smell the damp air, the edge of soap to it, as soon as he pushed the door open to the ward, meaning Heichou was probably in the bath. The washroom door was closed still, wisps of steamy air escaping from beneath the door.

A sting of instant impatience caused Eren to let out a huff, but he ignored it. Levi would want nothing to do with him if he were mad, and especially not so when he had just cleaned himself.

 _Maybe . . . I'll have to make do on my own_.

Eren turned his attention to the wrinkled sheets upon Levi's small cot. He did not stop to consider whether or not it would be a breach of privacy before he stroked one hand over the cream coloured fabric. Eren felt a pattering in his chest, of curious excitement. Under his trembling touch was warmth hesitating there, and on the pillows, from Levi's body. He must have only risen a few minutes ago.

Meaning he had time.

Eren, again seemingly stripped of his usual semblances of self-consciousness, twisted his arms back and let his jacket slide from his shoulders to his feet. His knees followed, meeting the floor beside the bed and gently taking the blankets there into his hands. Eren brought them to his face, inhaling the scent they held, and his eyes fluttered closed in desire. Why was this turning him on so much? It felt suddenly as if he had not touched Heichou's body in weeks, and his skin craved everything and anything that was close to it. The scent awoke memories of the hasty tumble of hands and tongues and repressed sounds of pleasure that was their first encounter, his own hand being the device with which he brought Levi to ecstasy with.

Eren found himself bent over the bed, hungering for that frantic sense of want beneath his skin. He took another breath of Levi's scent, that distinguishable mixture of things warm like vanilla but dark like musk, and he shuddered. His hips instinctively began to grind, every so gently shifting against the wooden frame of the bed. Eren felt how hollow these warm sheets were, and desperately he sighed with longing; he knew touching himself would not do. He _needed_ to see him -

The squeak of the door turning on its hinges did not startle Eren to attention. Even though he knew Levi was behind him, staring at him with his arms tangled in his bedsheets and his ass half in the air practically copulating with his mattress, with most likely a disgusting glare, he made no move to recoil.

Eren did glance over his shoulder when the silence was more than just a breath-catching pause, though.

A haze of steam seeped from Levi's skin, and there was much skin to take in. He was covered in only a towel, held up by one hand at the top of his hip. The other hand was holding back wet hair from his eyes, as if to take in the sight before him.

"Oi. What are you doing on the floor? You realize that's not how you make a bed, right?"

Eren blinked, feeling the embarrassment begin to creep in by the heat that rushed to his ears. "I'm not making the bed!"

"Then get up off the dirty floor."

"No!"

Levi moved closer, looking down upon the kid. His body was still damp eyes dark with fatigue but reflecting a glint in them Eren picked up on. "Get up. We still have time for tea after I get dressed - "

Eren grabbed onto Levi's hand as he turned on his heels to move away from him. There was a slight resistance, but his grip was firm enough that even the slickness of his small wrist couldn't escape. Hesitance hovered between them for a moment. Levi's voice broke it, tone questioning in a way that seemed to know the answer.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Eren buried his face deeper in the sheets, too red to possibly even glance the man's way. "I was just dismissed by Hanji and went to undress, but ... I couldn't. And I tried to ignore it but, then ... I-I ..."

"Spit it out."

"I'm so hard!" He practically shouted, voice muffled, "I needed to see you, and touch you ... god, I need to get off so badly but I knew you'd just washed and - "

"Shut up." Levi yanked his wrist from the grip, loosened in resolve, and his backside came into view as he retreated back into the washroom.

Eren closed his eyes, hand falling limply to the floor, defeated. His pent up feelings throbbed - literally - in an ache not of frustration, but regret. How stupidly desperate was he? He was probably better off just relieving his problem in the communal washroom -

Eren had no reaction time, as if slow-motion had taken over, as the sensation of skin on his skin and lips pressed against his own flooded him. Warm hands gripped his shoulders firmly, pulling his body against one bare and still damp and suddenly eager for contact.

Eren felt his heart suddenly pick up tempo, his tongue entering Heichou's mouth without hesitation or question, driven by desire. He moved his hands around the man's back, pulling him closer, not wanting this to stop like it nearly had.

It was wordless his resolve, and Eren didn't question it, as Levi straddled him and pushed him back against the bed. His thighs wrapped deftly around his waist, lowering into his lap like a flexible seductress, and the scent of clean skin was even more intoxicating than the bedsheets.

"Heichou - why - "

"I said, shut up."

Levi's hips sunk deeper into his lap, grinding against the bulge in his pants with intent, and Eren gasped and felt his muscles stiffen in response. He felt the fingers find the buckle of his belt, and quiet clinking was met with the slipping of leather, drawstrings being unstrung as the pressure of fabric lessened against him.

Eren, piloted by his senses, lowered his chin to caress the soft skin of Levi's neck, sucking gently and inhaling sharply as he felt his member freed into Heichou's grip, freed to his ministrations. He was thumbed, tip ghosted teasingly, and Eren lifted his hips up to try to linger in the touch. Even so, it seemed the hands were not enough, the touch artificial, cold and unfeeling, and he bucked and longed for fulfillment. Nothing. Eren moaned, desperation edging him on, but no. Nothing. 

* * *

 

Three knocks interrupted like an insult to his face.

Eren, biting his lip gently with his top teeth, clenched his free hand tighter. He glanced a cautionary glance over his shoulder, ensuring the bolt was in place in the door a few feet behind him, before calling back a reply.

"Yes?"

"Cadet Jäger; we will be departing in ten minutes. Commander Erwin has informed me to bid you to hasten."

"Yeah ... I'm coming." Eren replied, whispering to himself only in a coarse voice, "Or I'm _trying_ to ..."

Though the irony of the statement was palpable, the carriage driver opposite the door had no idea of this. At least, hopefully not.

Footsteps leaving let Eren relax a little, tensed shoulders lowering. His stance, steady before the urinal, was trembling. The smell he had been imagining was replaced by the pungency of reality, the stale scent of tile and other things he didn't want to think on. His previous reverie was lost. His erection, however, was present as ever.

His right hand gripped his member earnestly, and Eren gave it a few idle strokes. He had been at this task for a good twenty minutes and still had not been able to rid himself of it. The memory he had conjured up had occurred just a week before Heichou's injury, and the hopes the man's supposed touch would be what nudged him to relief seemed at that moment a stupid one. Even his memories denied him the sensation he desired.

No wonder Commander Erwin was growing impatient; his ten minute washroom stop had nearly doubled in time. He was long past the point of pleasure seeking, yearning simply for relief.

 _It's not my fault ... I can't get off if someone paid me!_ Eren moved his hand up and down, lubricated only by sweat, and let a soft groan escape him as he licked his lips.

Being trapped for the past week in the damned carriage with Commander Erwin was not only just as uncomfortable as Eren had imagined - both physically and socially - but his wandering mind decided to be even more stubborn than usual. Every sight he saw pass by in blurs outside the tiny window did not soothe him. As strange as it seemed, they somehow reawakened that sore inside him, created by Levi's stern words.

_You may be half monster ... that's all the reason we have you on a leash._

It chafed inside him. It caused him pain in more ways than one. Being referred to as the thing he knew he was still had the same sting it had from its first utterance - but when Heichou spoke it, Eren was numbed to silence. It was a kind of hurt he did not like to ponder on.

Levi had been blunt in skirting words: he had not wanted Eren to stay near to him. Maybe it was cruel punishment for clinging to the man during their excursion, a worthy move considering he very well could have killed the man. Maybe Levi was sick of having him around, equally as reasonable although Eren had been in the understanding his company was welcomed and healing presence. Maybe, and this was the unknown worse of all, all this time he had been nothing to the man, nothing but a naive toy -

These were the battles his mind conjured, and Eren had been tearing them to pieces for days.

Yet, even though his heart was at odds with the man, his body still longed for his touch. And these elements at odds were why he struggled then, literally fighting away it seemed.

Eren's grip turned from soft strokes into a fist, the trembling in his knees returning. The stiffness was beginning to verge on pain, but no amount of gentle ministrations nor firm strokes seemed to soothe. Free hand moved to grip the porcelain, he breathed heavily, readjusting himself slightly and quickening his pace.

 _Come on ... come_ on _..._

"Damn it!"

Eren cursed with energy, forehead meeting the cool wall in front of him as he slipped into the mindset of defeat. Eyelids fell closed. The hollow echo of his voice bounced around in the empty washroom. A bead of sweat tickled on his temple, falling slowly down his flushed cheek like a tear.

Eren washed his hands thoroughly, and went out.

* * *

 

_Clink … clink … clink …_

Eren simultaneously counted the rattles the wheels of the carriage sung as they jostled atop the rough terrain. At the same time he counted the sparse trees trimming the edge of the road, occupying his vision as not to fall asleep. At least he hoped it prevented sleep - it seemed more and more the boredom of the task made it worse.

Carefully, his green eyes glanced low, subtly, to Commander Erwin on the bench across him. The blond man was - as he had been nearly the entire journey - looking over a stack of paperwork. Though then it seemed his eyes moved with notably less intent.

The atmosphere only inched itself forward sluggishly into a deeper feeling of tension. As aggravated as it made Eren, he did not try to alleviate it. So far, Erwin had barely spoken a courtesy word, let alone told him where the hell they were going and why the hell it was taking so long. He was to bastard that dragged him along on this hellish trip, yet he was the one suffering for it? But no matter how long he stared, how much he fidgeted, how often he coughed Erwin didn’t show a hint of interest. Any polite resolve in him and dissipated long ago, and Eren was fed up.

“Why me?”

A question was, as someone once told him, an invitation rarely ignored. Erwin’s response was only in his body at first, hands relaxing on the edges pf the sheets in his hands, shoulders dropping slight tension. The blue eyes met his, steady as anything.

Eren felt regret nip him, clawing at his throat.

“What was that?”

Though he contemplated a muffled nothing, he did not fold, “. . . why me? Why, of all the other cadets at your disposal, did you choose me to accompany you here?”

Paperwork was set gently aside, legs casually folding as he seemed to prepare himself for this conversation. “This is a simply debrief on the results of our Reformatted Long Range Scouting Formation excursion. I needed to bring someone along who had been part of our encounter with the Abnormals. I have explained this information."

“But why me?”

“I’m sure that the higher ups would be pleased to see you in prime condition, and acting in the best behaviour as Survey Corps solder should.”

The hint was palpable, stinging the muted poison of a wasp. Remnants resurfaced again, carrying that same strong feeling of rejection. _You may be have monster . . ._

“Because of my actions during the excursion, my putting of Heichou to risk?” Eren asked, but in a tone that betrayed questions to certainty, “Am I of question now because I made one poor decision?”

Of course even the boy knew the queries were themselves were hot air, but it was not the point. Erwin saw through this charade, yes, as if it were just a wisp of fog. “I feel your frustration with this situation is not directed at my person at all. This is something done to you by Levi.”

Eren hated how fast the Commander had picked it up. At the same time he was glad. He did not reply, turning toward the window again.

_Clink … clink … clink …_

Less soothing it became, rather crueler that silence.

“You must understand, Cadet Jäger. that Corporal Levi is not like you or I. In a way, he is a very complex breed. You know his unconventional methods stem far from just battlefield training or discipline. Affection is an elusive prey to him, one even with skills such as he is unable to properly catch, let alone keep his eyes on.”

Eren’s head was tossed a bit, the wheel finding a particularly large bump.

“His agreement of sending you away does not show his mistrust in you. It does not mean his respect for you has diminished. Believe me when I say he cares for you. It is simply in a form so small and insignificant it is hard to see.”

Eren felt his heart pick up speed for the first time in days, and he glanced back to Erwin impulsively, “Heichou sent me away … because he cares for me?”

Erwin gave a nod, “Experience hardens the gentlest of hearts. What emotion shows is only out of obligation. For the less shown towards the ones he cares for, the easier it is for both parties in the end.”

Yes, of course. How could his stupid sulking have obscured his thoughts more? Eren felt his face grow warmer in slight, shameful and saddened at himself. “Forgive me Commaner Erwin. My conduct then and now have not nearly been acceptable - “ 

"There is no need for an apology Jäger. It is normal for you to question such an obscure order as which has been given to you."

Eren bobbed his head back, still calming a satiated and fluttering heart. Whether or not this was simply a ploy to break his overhanging uneasy mood or not was not something he pondered then. Instead he put aside all of his accusatory emotions and saw better. Saw purer the heart of Levi's actions. Out of all the time gone passed, how many loves had Levi lost? And loves here, in the sense of those held dear to oneself? Each time what a scarring strain put on his heart? Gentle, like a bird settling on a thin branch, was the calm inside Eren's mind at these new unanswerable questions, welcomed inside safely. Tightly he grasped this idea and held it close to his chest. Nothing would come between it any longer. 

"The Corporal will surely forgive your actions as well." Erwin added, softly, "As indirect as it may end up being."

Eren let a half-laugh escape him. "It is all the same to me."

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Erwin and Eren reach the Inner Walls, and their Court hearing ensues - though, turning out much different than anticipated.

It took nearly three days of on and off carriage rides until they reached the Inner Walls. All the long hours and hard seats resulted in the sorest Eren's ass had been since he had been with Levi last. He gently rubbed his bottom side as he stepped outside into the faint light of the coming evening, following behind Commander Erwin cautiously.

The building they had been valeted to was tall and ornately designed, of obvious importance by the two attendants standing at the door. Yes, he found this place specifically familiar - and not in the way that brought particularly warm memories. A curl found his upper lip unconsciously accompanied by a stale taste to his mouth.

“The courthouse?” Eren asked in disbelief, even though Erwin was halfway up the stairs. He held back, cautiously.

The Commander looked back at him casually, “It seems so, cadet."

Eren scowled deeper, not amused. "Aren't we even going to go sleep in a bed or eat something before we jump right into this military crap?"

"This military crap is the service you have committed your life to. And, though you are important, I am sure it will not be waiting on you."

The hint was palpable. Though he felt like a pawn under the eyes of the higher ups and Erwin, at least he was serving some purpose in all of this. Eren forced himself to nod, trudging slowly up the stairs and following the Commanders step the best he could. “I’m sure this will be simple.”

“That’s what they told me last time, and I got beaten up.” Eren was serious, but heard Commander Erwin chuckle gently in his throat.

* * *

Eren Jaeger had little doubts in his mind, little memories that caused him great grief - at least, those he didn't push back, the obvious memories he clearly did not wish to recall - except maybe the time he was humiliated in the Inner Wall Courts, stripped bare of his dignity, tied to a pole in front of many of his comrades, and of course brutally beaten by the man he grew to care much for. Now, stepping foot into the same room again, it was experience that Eren liked to deny was occurring at all.

Eren had held close behind Commander Erwin as they stepped into the cool wide room and descended the staircase to take their place in the citizen's booth. Yes it did feel different being on the side of the of the bystanders, though the room held more memories that Eren would have liked to recall. It was the coolness, a chill that came over him, maybe not just of memory but in an ominous one, that when he sat down in the bench his hands instantly grabbed the cloth of his pants, his eyes closed reflexively. Eren felt something resting on his shoulder and looked to his left to find Commander Erwin had placed his hand upon him in concern.

"Is everything alright cadet?" Erwin asked, a genuine look of confusion in his eye in his sudden submissiveness. 

Eren knew he rarely showed this kind of resolve and he hated it. He forced a nod, not able to find words, but showing a smile that was enough to distract Erwin's attention. The courtroom had been called into session nearly two hours ago, and Eren had been trying his best to listen to the entire presentation, his ears attentive to what those had to say, although many times it were tedious conversations and words he didn't bother to try and understand. As Erwin had reminded him, the hearing was simple a general overview, a taking note of each branches activities an ensuring none of the layabouts were found was picking their teeth.

Around the room he saw different men in the uniforms of the military divisions - those of the Military Police and the Garrison - all looking very bored and rather stressed. Though most sat in a special booth in the front of the courtroom, many of them sat in the balcony above him and Eren could feel the stares of many men on the back of his neck.

He was still hated for by different people in the different sectors, he was still considered a monster despite what he may have proven himself to be. An asset, yes, but still a monster. They had no reason to give up their beliefs, and Eren had no reason to blame them. 

Two bangs on the front of the podium caught Eren's attention then as Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackly whacked his mallet hard on the desk. "We will now address Commander Erwin of the Survey Corps."

The blonde stood and Eren followed suit, giving a salute to the judge in the seat before Erwin began to speak.

"Commander, the Survey Corps has been vigorously training for many more battle that we assume and know will happen to us in the future. As for a report, just two weeks ago our garrison lead forth a mission with our Newly Reformatted Long Range Scouting Formation, which we believe is a successful and promising military tactic that will hopefully help us in our journey to venture beyond the walls that have been sealed off due to Titan inhabitation. Although during this mission, we did come victim to more than one setback, we believe under prime conditions that this formation has promise to be an influential military tactic that will help lead us to explore new areas outside the Walls."

Erwin's voice was demanding and confident, and it made Eren himself feel even more sure of the words. Yes, he knew first hand how terribly the the Reformatted Scouting Formation mission did go in the end, although most of the things that did go wrong were to be put on his shoulder in blame; his rashness was as often it seemed to be the reason for unsuccessful note at the end of their missions.

Eren watched carefully as the Commander, who had been staring down at a few papers in his hands, gently and almost unnoticeably let his eyes drift upwards to both of them standing in the booth. A cold sweat instantly broke out on his skin, recognizing that glare as not one of curiosity but of condemnation. 

"So you are telling me that this mission was a failure, although you do believe that it was not all in vain?"

Commander Erwin gave one nod, "Yes sir, as you know any Survey Corps soldier must be willing to give up their life at any moment for the sake of humanity and the sake of us a group, finding a way out of these wretched walls. They are willing to give up their lives to be a part of this grand legacy sir.

"And that is all you have to report?"

"Yes, sir."

It was quiet, oddly quiet. The judge closed the folder between his fingers slowly, deathly slow.

"Now, you seem that you are a firm Commander, and I believe fully that your tendencies to right the wrongs and to correct the people of whom you cover, have good intents behind them. But, for now, I believe you have made a incorrect judgment call."

Commander Zackly rose to his feet. Eren's heart raced, holding his breath as he heard the rest of the jury and bystanders gasp quietly themselves. Why was the man taking to his feet, amidst a court hearing? To betray his air of authority, to stare them in the eye and break his role, was certainly not a sign of respect.

"Erwin Smith, a certain rumour has come to my attention within the days leading up to your arrival here today. A rumour that has unfortunately only thickened in its validity and suspicions every passing moment. This hearing is concerning the nature of this supposed situation, and your comment on the matter - "

"Is it not against jurisdiction to lure a member of the Military to court with false intentions?" Erwin interrupted, tone harsh in defence.

Zackly banged his mallet with a crack upon his post, "I am not one of your subordinates - you will address me at the proper time, and with due title Commander!"

"I understand that I am boldly overstepping my bounds, but I have the sense that they have instead been crossed on your side firstly."

That welcomed in a lengthy silence. Eren fought his eyes from darting about, trying to take in the situation he found himself surrounded by. He was not sure if this act was provoked by genuine concern, or personal intentions. As Eren had come to learn, most everyone had a score to settle with Erwin Smith. Preferably, in this situation especially, Eren hoped that was not the case. By Erwin's bluntness it seemed he was not pulling strings, playing an air of calm. This was something serious.

Eren gripped his hands tightly around the other, forcing his body to calm. If anyone spotted the look of distress on his part, he could be deemed as dangerous to the public in a snap. _Just breathe, just breathe ..._

"It would be unwise to accuse a judge in their own room of court."

Erwin shook his head, "I only ask why I was called out from my duties at Headquarters and into the Courts with the message I was to report on our Re-Formatted Scouting Formation and not a rumour, and one without foothold at that - "

Just as Erwin was beginning to work up his true opinion, he was cut short.

"I now call upon Dr. Fritz Abraham to stand."

The door behind the judges podium opened, and lead inside was an aged man of short stature. His eyes were dark and intense, but clearly nervous, and he nearly tripped stepping up into the seat inside the box.

Eren wrinkled his brow, glancing confusedly to his left -

Erwin Smith's face was pale. It was so pale Eren instantly assumed the man had fainted standing upwards. But no, for his eyes blinked in rapid flutters and there was a glazed-over look covering them, shiny like porcelain.

"That _bastard_." Erwin mumbled in an undetectable voice.

"Who is this guy?" Eren didn't expect a reply, and he didn't get one, not even a rebuff of a glance. The boy grew upset, then. What the hell was he caught in the middle of, and why again?

The doctor at the stand leaned forward in his chair, holding a stack of papers in his hand. His eyes found the area of the Survey Corps members booth before beginning to speak.

"I have been called here today by the graciousness of the Court of Law of Wall Sina and the decision of the members of the committee dedicated to justice and freedom within our Three Divisions. As resident physician attending St. Agatha's Hospital I always feel it my entitlement to address the condition of each one of my patients whom I believe may possess a condition concerning to the general public, and the survival of our race. A situation such as this has unfortunately arose under my watch, one that could threaten every person in this room and those not, thought I was sworn to a bond of secrecy by none other than Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps."

The quiet gasps were no longer, replaced by accusing shouts and jeers of frustration. Eren looked up, still unable to read the commanders face.

"Two weeks ago, I was called in urgently upon the most recently unsuccessful mission of the Survey Corps to perform general medical services in the lack of their own on-site physician. However, upon my arrival there, I was told I must examine a certain soldier in numerous and frankly ... _unconditional_ forms of medicine by order of Section Leader Hanji Zoe, tests I refuse to repeat aloud here for the sake of decency."

Amidst the already riled crowd of murmurs, Eren felt his forearm being grabbed suddenly by the firm and unrelenting grip of Commander Erwin, and the man leaned in close to his ear. 

"Do you trust me, Cadet Jäger?"

Eren felt his stomach grow nauseous at the question, only imagining the implications that it held behind it, "Why sir?"

"You are going to act as a diversion on my count."

"A ... diversion?! What do you mean sir -"

Erwin gripped his arm tighter then, and Eren felt the man's other hand reach around and grab him under his arm. "Three ..."

"Sir, what - "

"My findings were impossible to believe, and rightfully so due to their morally sick nature, and I could hardly hold my stomach upon their confirmation. And, members of this committee, it sickens me even more to know that Commander Erwin wished to pull this wool over my eyes - over all of our eyes!"

Dr. Abraham rose to his feet at the last phrase, shaking the papers in his hands, and Eren felt his body shaking in confusion and dread as Erwin nudged him forward harshly, to the edge of the railing with a whispered, "... two ..."

"And that boy you see standing at his side, he is the reason behind all of this!" Abraham spat, and Eren felt all eyes burn into him, "His monstrous tendencies drove him to committing immoral acts! His claims of humanity are as false as the lies of his superior -!"

It was a whirlwind, words like nails against a chalkboard, confusion pounding into him like a stake in his skull, and Eren heard Commander Erwin finish his words with a final number, "... one."

Blurring sight, Eren felt his body being shoved in slow motion, over the edge of the balcony, and down. A scream left his throat as time caught up to him, and he fell fast and incredibly hard, hearing a crack like a gunshot as he hit the floor below into darkness.

* * *

"... and those who were considered worthy to hear it had to come to the countess, for she did not let it out of her hands. The tutors came, and the nurses, and Dmitri, and several acquaintances, and the countess reread the letter each time with fresh pleasure and each time discovered in it fresh proofs of Nikolenka’s virtues. How strange, how extraordinary, how joyful it seemed, that her son, the scarcely perceptible motion of whose tiny limbs she had felt twenty years ago within her, that son about whom she used to have quarrels with the too indulgent count, that son who had first learned to say ‘pear’ and then ‘granny,’ that this son should now be away in a foreign land amid strange surroundings, a manly warrior doing some kind of man’s work of his own, without help or guidance."

Levi set the book in his hands down into his lap for a moment, glancing up to ensure his reading aloud was not in vain.

At his momentary pause, the boy to his side looked up with wide and expectant eyes, distress written on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Why did you stop?"

Levi scoffed, shaking his head, "I've been reading for over an hour and you have barely made a sound."

"Well how else am I supposed to listen?"

He had a point there. Levi was not in the kind of mood to sadden the kid by admitting this book was boring as living hell, let alone say he had no idea what it was talking about anymore. He let out a sigh of resolve, beginning to narrate the story aloud once more.

Armin smiled to himself from the chair beside Levi's bed, legs folded and tongue poking out of his lips a little in concentration. He was still stitching away at the stack of frocks to be tailored, as he had been ever since he was let off duty from training. It had gradually become a ritual every evening, Levi reading and Armin stitching, both doing a favour for the other simultaneously.

Being on bedrest meant many hours of - in Levi's opinion - wasted time. Hanji was indignant, not letting up the bars of his figurative jail cell of a med ward besides for the occasional hallway stroll. At his protest, she would give him that telltale half-smirk and skip back to her Titan business, lending him the even stronger suspicion that she was a masochist to his condition.

It was only her and Armin he was permitted to see, the rest of the garrison being told he had also gone along with Commander Erwin and Eren Jaeger to Wall Sina. They had not yet returned, after nearly three full weeks, but the cover would not last for much longer before suspicions heightened. Why the _hell_ people had to be so nosy, Levi hated most. He knew it was the reason Erwin had been gone so long - some court drama, allegations, the like. Granted it was nice having a break from both Erwin's doting and Eren's . . . moodiness, but the boy would only grow more upset with him the longer they were apart. They had left on a bitter note, and Eren - being Eren - would fester and infect his hard feelings until he exploded. This was their first fight as a couple, Levi subtly mused. The sooner they could make up, the better - that was always the worst part.

They had only been called for a hearing, and the increasing length of their time away began to sit heavily on Levi's mind. Annoyingly. He hated to admit, he was growing worried, so he didn't. He just let himself be angry about it instead. 

 

 _The idiotic higher ups should just mind their own damn business and go back to their afternoon tea_. Levi thought bitterly, hearing his narrating voice grow thinner at his inward anger and Armin's brows tense a little in confusion. He coughed, clearing his throat, before going on.

 _War and Peace_ was the title of the novel, as old as dirt, thick as a Titan's skull and bland to him as stale bread, but Armin was enthralled by it. As much as Levi hated the book - and the fact he had to wear larger clothing to accommodate his extra girth - he appreciated the kids gesture of altering all his clothes for him. Throwing on an oversized shirt did not cut it - he couldn't stand drowning in an ocean of fabric - and Armin insisted his careful alterations would make his clothes more suitable.

Such a doting mother hen, the blonde brat was, much alike to Hanji. His dedication was amiable, and Levi ensured he'd mention this to the members of his squad. As much time as Armin had given away for a simple personal promise to fill his friends shoes was much more than Levi wanted him to. Might as well go easy on him on training as renumeration.

In the middle of the next paragraph, Levi heard the kid interrupt him softly. Though he was annoyed at his persistent soft-spokenness, he was glad he could stop reading. _Finally_.

"Would you speak up, I can't hear you when you mumble." Levi said back.

Armin shook his head, "Sorry sir. I was just saying that Commander Hanji is out later than usual tonight."

"Yeah. She was blabbing on earlier about some stupid research, I barely understood half of what she said. Must be caught up with something."

"Oh. Research on you sir?"

"Like usual. She took some blood today and insisted on a stool sample, so I gave in. Now she's probably examining it. She's a literal shithead."

Though he tried to hide it, Levi heard the kid snicker under his breath. "As long as you remain healthy, sir, I suppose her research is beneficial."

"I suppose so."

"You are nearly three months along as of today. At least that's what Commander Hanji said."

"Tch. Feels like three years."

Armin giggled openly then, "I'm sure it does."

Levi's fingers, turning the page of the book in his hands, fumbled in surprise as his door received impact on the opposite side. There was a beat of silence and a muffled ouch! before the handle jiggled urgently and a figure tumbled ungracefully inside.

_Of course. Speak of the devil._

Hanji's glasses nearly leapt off her face as she slammed the door behind her just as obnoxiously as she came in. "Heichou! Thank god I found you - "

"You put me on bedrest - where the hell would I be otherwise?" Levi barked back at her shout.

Armin rose to his feet, "And if I can add, sir, I'd advise a softer tone considering the hour - "

"Commander Erwin's carriage just arrived at the barracks, I saw the lights outside!"

Levi rolled his eyes, "Start the royal fanfare."

"No, Levi, you don't understand -"

A face plant was yet another ungraceful move that befell Hanji then, but not of her own doing. Her hind side was nicked by the door as it was shoved wide, but Levi did not have the time to be upset at the new intruder then. The book in his grip was closed gently upon his lap. Occupied further were his eyes, caught inevitably to the ones clutching his own.

Eren Jäger had the bad habit of looking to burst into tears at any moment, but then it seemed more genuine than usual. His hair was ungroomed, lazily obscuring his green eyes. His clothes were disheveled and dirtied, as if he had been in a fistfight. What the hell had Erwin let happen?

One hand held tightly to a crutch tucked beneath his armpit, helping him stand upon a bandaged left leg. The other hand was a trembling grip held firm on the doors handle, like a child to their mothers fingers, but that seemed not the thing he truly desired to hold. The eyes flickered, taking in the scene. They hesitated on Armin, who extended an arm in a cautious gesture.

He stayed silent, though there were so many things needing to be said. As confused as Levi was upon Eren's condition, he only imagined worse from the boy. He was lying in bed reading a book in a private medical ward for hell's sake, no sling, no visible illness.

But he wasn't stupid. Somehow Levi knew that Eren already knew something. His silence was not of confusion. At its continuation to linger, Levi was impatient.  _Enough of this-_

But Eren spoke first.

"Commander Hanji, Armin. Would you allow me a moment alone with the Corporal?"

The voice was more levelled and clear than imaginable, betraying those eyes trembling with tears. However, neither of the mentioned moved. Hanji adjusted her spectacles to straighten, solemn eyes staring up at Eren. Similarly, Armin's blue gaze steadily stared toward his friend with the unwavering precision of a sniper.

Tension was thick in the air like a fog, and Levi's chest felt heavy. He couldn't take it, those flickering green eyes eating away at his, and he adjusted himself to a more demanding posture. "Are you going to keep staring at me with that stupid look on your face or are you going to tell me exactly what you've been told?"

"Why did you dare send me away?" Eren didn't stutter. "How _dare_ you command me to leave your side? How _dare_ you expect me to shut up like an obedient soldier and abandon you in your weakness? Do you think so less of me? Or am I simply another disposable plaything of yours?"

He barely moved, but so stern were the words that he did not need to. No defensive stance was required, no waggling fingers of accusation. His words cut, deeply and cleanly, into Levi. So much that he was momentarily stunned to a silence. Momentarily being the prime word.

Levi sat up even more, though it pained his sore back, "May I remind you that you are speaking to a Corporal with words I consider no more respectable than horse shit, so I caution you to reconsider what you just spat out at me Jäger."

He nearly growled the name in contempt. 

 

"How dare you command me to leave your side _sir_!"

 _Touché_.

Eren only blinked. "The Court hearing was a scandal. I was told second-hand that some man named Dr. Abrahams diagnosed you with a medical condition serious enough to tear apart the Inner Wall's Court, as well as the integrity of the Survey Corps itself. For your sake and protection, Commander Erwin threw me from a balcony in order to ensure your safety. And after I regained consciousness, I was thrown into prison for a week sir, for disorderly conduct in a court of law. I only received medical attention for my leg after I was released."

The boy did not need gesture to his clearly bandaged leg.

"I was not permitted to know what exactly I was injured for. Commander Erwin said it was your choice to keep me uninformed," Eren moved then, three steps until he stood at the foot of the bed. One fist pounded the bed rest firmly at his words, "and I refused to believe him. Because I believed that you trusted me more than that. And I believed ... that you would not wish to hurt me in such a way."

Levi watched two tears fall simultaneously from the emerald eyes, onto the bedsheets below in soft pats. His sympathetic anger welled up like a slow, rolling thunder.

"But I believe that I was wrong - "

Like an impending strike of lightning, Levi's upset was released in a quick strike of palm to cheek and a sharp crack of contact. Eren's face turned left, mouth parted in subtle shock at the speed of Levi's attack. The Corporal had risen onto his knees and struck him across the face before he had even blinked; the accompanying party was equally as stunned as the one with the jaw stinging in pain.

"You stupid brat."

Eren turned back toward the man, "What - "

Again, Levi struck his face, harder then than the first.

"Don't you ever _dare_ to think I wish to see you suffer! Don't you _ever_ dare to think that I'd spite you like a bug under my boot! The only reason I did that was to protect your dumb ass!"

Eren, recovering still from both slaps, took a cautionary step back in surprise. "What?"

"I knew that you being told of my condition would cause you even more suffering than you are feeling now, being kept in the dark. I knew that you could be killed by the Higher Ups for it as well. If you had known, they would have interrogated it out of you until your last breath. You already mean shit to them. And so help me, how would you except me to allow that to happen?"

It was a curious quiet that overcame the kid. Apologetic, solemn. Eren took steps forward this time.

"Are you dying, sir?"

"Hell, no ... more like I'm living for someone else's sake - "

Levi bit his tongue, feeling the heat rising on his neck and creeping quickly to his cheeks. He said too much -

 

"Sir ... what are you saying?"

Levi balled his hands into fists. He just needed to say it. He had to say it. _Damn it!_

"I'm saying ... I-I'm saying - damn it ... I'm saying I'm pregnant!"

Levi unconsciously held his breath, feeling nausea cloud his throat in a hard lump. So suddenly he wanted to eat his words again, as sour as they may be to swallow; anything to erase the dreaded, hovering feeling of the unknown.

It was an out of focus locking of eyes, dark black with shimmering green, pierced only by wavers of uncertainty. Subtly, there was a whisper from behind them from Armin of consolation.

"Eren ... please, you have to understand - "

Levi was overcome by the sudden sensation of two eager arms around him, toppling him backwards onto the bed in a heavy embrace. Eren smothered him into the covers, burying his face into the warmth of his neck, and Levi was too entranced by the gentle scent of the boy, the familiarity of his figure, and the soft sounds of his overjoyed cries to protest. How could he?

Eren had him pinned, Levi snuggled beneath him protectively, tears of relief and joy flowing down his face and through his words.

"Heichou ... thank you!"

Levi scoffed, clearly relieved but smothering it with a feigned annoyance, "For what?"

"For trusting me ... thank you!"

"Trusting you?! Do you think that's it?"

Levi pushed Eren upwards roughly, his own knees folded and nestled between Eren's thighs, tangled in messy blankets. Those eyes captured his like always, wonder filled and teary like a toddler.

Curse the brat who held his heart in the palm of his hand, curse him for his pure devotion and curse him for being so damn adorable. How had he ever been lucky enough to deserve him? There was no way in hell he would take him for advantage. No circumstances, no coincidences, and no hormones had their say, not anymore. Levi doubted they had ever really played a part. No, it was simply him and this temperamental pain in the ass. _His_ temperamental pain in the ass. One he would not ever wish to leave his side again.

Levi raised his hand, resting it on Eren's face gently. His words were whispered, but terribly true. "I love you."

Eren's eyes widened, and a smile took over his face moments before he kissed the Corporal, deeply. Levi savoured the moment, cut short by snickers and childish giggles from their spectators. He mentally rolled his eyes.

"Heichou and Eren are so cute, especially when they're making contact other than combat training! I need to capture this moment somehow!"

Hanji's voice was high with glee, and Armin's mirrored hers.

"A picture is worth a thousand words Commander, and I'm sure the rest of the garrison would agree - "

A bed cushion was tossed in the blond's direction without mercy, hitting him square in the head. "Speak the words Arlert and I'll personally see to it that your scrotum be surgically removed."

"Yes s-sir, my apologies sir!"

Hanji was doubled over in laughter, and Levi found Eren's lips once more in a smile laden kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was just the boy and the man and hours and hours of time. Time to sit in silence, and time to discuss. Time to sleep, and eat, and bathe. Time to do nothing, and time to throw away, just like the times he had spent with Heichou in quarantine so long ago. And Eren had to admit, it was bittersweet, and safe, and comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! I am so happy to give this an update, and so excited to continue writing it! Thank you to everyone who has left me feedback - it really really helps me write and gives me motivation! Keep it coming - questions, comments, criticism, I will take it all!
> 
> Now, there is steamy stuff (finally!) in this so beware or be ready! And also lots of fluffy Ereri cuteness I absolutely had to include, because from here on out in this story there may be less time for fluff for these two :( 
> 
> Anyways, ENJOY!

"Stupid."

"Hm?"

"It seems like a stupid idea. We have already tested our luck trying out his 'brilliant' Reformation plan, and now he's pulling strings behind the Higher Ups backs."

Eren slipped his arms free from his jacket sleeves and draped it gently over the man's shoulders, shivering in the chill as they strolled. Though a disapproving grimace met his lips, he did not shrug it off.

"Commander Erwin expressed his high hopes in the endeavour, and having been deceived by Commander Zackly was enough for him to act in desperation. He did throw me over a balcony. I think his ideas are bit farfetched too, but it's only for the best, sir." "It's not my job to dictate what Erwin does. My job is to do whatever it is he wants, and do it right.”

"Hanji was saying how scattered he'd been acting lately. And he did seem a little uptight - "

"Tch, that's normal considering the blond's been constipated for the past ten years. Needs some laxatives and a couple months vacation to Wall Sina to get him to relax a little."

Eren laughed to himself, seeing Levi’s solemnity at the comment. “Even when you’re shitting around, you're never shitting around - “

“Shut up before I walk home without you. Your whiny voice is unbearably close to my ear and it’s giving me a migraine."

Eren smiled in silence, consequently tightened his grip arm in arm with the man, ensuring his steps maintained Heichou’s gentle pace as they made way through the bustling cobblestone streets. It was mid-afternoon and generally busy in the outdoor marketplace of the small town of Kleinestadt, as it should have been. Kleinestadt was known as a halfway port, an essential stop for travellers and the like between the bigger cities surrounding. People came through and went on the daily, meaning it was prime location for those who wished to blend in to do just that. Granted, it was boring as hell besides for this half mile stretch of lean-to stands and shanties but the feeling of safety was one Eren would not quickly give up.

It was almost unsettling, how comfortable Eren had began to grow over the past four and a half months, finally wearing in the soles of this new pair of shoes, adjusting to the unfamiliar pace and feel, until he could almost sleep in them. It had been an unwelcomed change at first - though, as his sister had consoled him any change to him was unwelcome - being thrust into the dangerous throes of society, no garrison, no ODM gear, nothing. As Erwin had said, it was an all or nothing situation they had been given, which required only all or nothing decisions in response.

It had been neither Eren, and certainly not Levi’s, choice to leave the protection of Head Quarters, but they both had sensed it was inevitable. After the fallout in the Inner Court, Commander Erwin knew they had come far too close to spoiling the game far too early in. The risks were too high to brush off the incident, and taking matters into his own hands - already stained, mind you - Erwin had taken Dr. Abrahams into his custody under the noses of the Higher Ups and with a righteous hand locked him away in the basement of HQ. The slight smile on the Commander’s face at his announcement of the news had indicated the doctor would surely receive worthy justice for his ridiculous actions in Court. It was illegal, of course, but the law had already pulled the rug out from under them. The entire garrison was sworn to secrecy on the matter.

Yes, although it seemed a childish move it was a desperate one. They were already battling the paternal timeline of Corporal Levi, who was literally growing more suspiciously absent to the rest of the Survey Corps everyday - and overwhelmingly sick of bedrest at that -, and the purchase of time anywhere at any cost was greedily taken. Thus, at the same mediums expense, Eren and Levi had been whisked away to an unguarded hovel of a house in a rut of a town to fend for themselves and await these two battling clocks - the inevitable retaliation of the Higher Ups or the unavoidable and well-awaited birth of the Jäger/Ackerman spawn.It seemed like an even race between the two. So far, nothing had been heard from the Inner Wall on Abrahams disappearance. As well, Corporal Levi had just reached six months gestation.

The only visitor the two ever took in was Hanji, once a week, with her check-ups. Besides for that, it was just the boy and the man and hours and hours of time. Time to sit in silence, and time to discuss. Time to sleep, and eat, and bathe. Time to do nothing, and time to throw away, just like the times he had spent with Heichou in quarantine so long ago. And Eren had to admit, it was bittersweet, and safe, and comfortable.

Knocked out of thought by a gentle nudge at his thigh, Eren looked down to see a small boy stumble back from colliding into him, a tiny toy figure of what looked like a Survey Corps soldier clutched in his fist. His big eyes blinked up at him for the split-second they passed, and he flashed a gap-toothed smile before running off again. Even though Eren was in disguise - the both of them were, per orders - he had a suspicion the kid recognized his face. Eren looked back at him over his shoulder, fighting back a grimace before Levi could see it.

“Who picked out these disguises again? Because I swear I feel like every other person around here recognizes me.” Eren tossed another wary look behind him.

“The Honourable Shitty Glasses the First, home care physician _and_ fashion designer.” Levi replied dryly, “Funny how slicking back your hair and pulling on a hood counts for anything. But I’m not complaining. As long as none of those pinheaded Inner Wall peeping toms can tell us from any of the other lowlifes here, that’s fair enough.”

Levi had gotten away with wearing his hair back, but Eren had to suffer through a mandatory dyeing, a colour black alike to his partners, as well as a trim.

“We look so similar. People probably only stare because they think we’re a part of some Sacred Wall Cult.”

“We aren’t pale enough for that. Or at least you aren’t.”

Eren looked to his right, seeing just the side profile of Heichou’s face but noting that it was washed out, eyes a bit dark, “Sir, are you - “

“Don’t even bother asking me again. I’m fine until we get back, just keep walking.”

The command was taken. They may have been partners, but it was an unspoken truth that Levi’s word was law. Lately, as his pregnancy progressed, Levi’s body had been experiencing more visible signs of his condition. His stomach was obvious, but still hidden under his cloak, and the gentlest of all symptoms. He was much weaker than Eren would have liked, and suffered almost constant fevers. His appetite was limited, and he was prone to long stretches of nausea and troubles keeping anything down.

Hanji soothed them, and that was much of why Eren even let Levi out of the house, that their situation was unique. All of these things had to be taken into stride, and as little stress as they could give Levi would be the most effective medicine. That was Eren’s job, and a difficult one. There had been many times he had gone away on his own, angry or upset, self-soothing. It was hard not to go to Levi’s side in distress anymore, but what was harder was seeing Levi suffer at all. So Eren swallowed the pill, as sour as it tasted.

Coming up on their regular stop, Eren slowed his pace as they approached a small grocery stand. Balanced in rows of handmade baskets were assorted food items - primarily vegetables and fruits, but there were some baked goods as well. Most produce was grown locally and was of relatively high quality so it was their primary food source. The woman behind the stand smiled softly to them in recognition, sorting other things in the background.

Eren handed Levi their own personal basket of already purchased items as he began inspecting the loaves of bread, “How many do you think we need? One or two?”

“I don’t want to make a trip out here everyday, so two.”

“I’m usually the one who goes on the emergency food runs - “

“Because you are usually the one who eats most of the food.” Levi mumbled back.

Eren half-rolled his eyes, hidden from the man; it was amazing how easily they sounded like a married couple. He stepped toward the girl to pay with the change in his pocket, “Two please.”

 

As she wrapped up their items, Eren asked Levi, “Is there anything else you want?”

The man, who looked then very small and sulky, instantly shook his head.

Eren tilted his head in exasperation, seeing how Levi’s eyes lied, “Raspberries?”

“Well, buy them then. I’ll eat them.”

This time, Eren did not deny a full eye roll. Raspberries, as Eren had come to learn, were Heichou’s favourite fruit and the man craved them constantly. They were a rare fruit to find other places but grew in abundance in the thickets surrounding Kleinstadt. It made Eren happy, both because Levi had no trouble eating them and that they made the man’s skin and breath smell sweet. Levi was far too stubborn to ever request for them, however.

Eren picked out two small baskets and added them to their bag, giving the girl a nod of thanks as he exchanged it for the last of his coins, not bothering to waste time counting. She was quickly called away as soon as the transaction was made, rushing again to her sorting.

Levi linked his arm around Eren’s as soon as the kid found his side once more. A breeze flitted into the silence, the air sharp with the edge of new winter and stinging on exposed skin. The sky looked like snow, and it began in slow flakes, so their pace was slightly quickened. Thus, the crowd around them was sparser than the normal.

All of these small decisions, these minute murders of time, led to the exact happenstance that occurred in Eren Jäger’s vision.

Something caught his eye. On the post to his right, nailed to a ordinary stand, was a sheet of paper. It was clean, barely wrinkled, meaning it was new. The words printed on the paper were second thought to the picture in focus. It was a portrait of an aging, bearded man. The words below, printed in bold, were: WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.

Eren blinked, reflexively, and the moment was gone from his present vision. Though it was instantly replayed inside his head once, and then twice, and then too many times to count. He felt a sweat beading, on his neck, itching him -

“Oi, Eren.”

Eren snapped back into attention immediately, almost moving his hands into the position of a salute by habit of hearing Heichou’s stern tone. “Yessir!”

Levi glanced to him, genuine wonder on his face, “You look hot today.”

Eren felt the heat rushing up his cheeks, “S-sir?”

“Here, this will help.”

A fistful of wet snow was pressed against his face, and Eren spat and gasped at the burning chill it gave him. Did Levi ...   _really_ just do that to him?

Once he cleared the water from his eyes, Eren looked up to see Levi standing aside a small bank of snow, another handful at ready.

“In your obvious distraction, you let your guard down. No wonder you always lose at hand-to-hand combat.” Levi scoffed, “You need to pay more attention to me Cadet Jäger."

Eren smiled slyly, the previous worries far from his mind then. He knelt down and gathered a snowball in his own fist.

“I think, sir,” Eren replied, tossing the snowball in his hand trateningly, "that can be arranged.”

Eren saw the faint smile on the Corporal’s lips, touching the corners of his mouth, pink from the cold, seconds before he received another chunk of ice to his face.

Levi chuckled, “Distracted yet again."

* * *

 

Flurries of snowed had increased, sparkling like sugar from the charcoal sky, and Levi had admitted looking up and feeling snowflakes on his fevered forehead was not bad. Neither had been watching Eren stumble about with his head tilted back trying to catch them on his tongue, and consequently slipping and landing on his ass.

Surely he would not hesitate to admit the dimness of winter was his favourite cycle of the year, especially with the kid around to take the chill from his fingers. Having Eren by his side constantly over the past few months was, surprisingly, becoming less of a pain than he had thought it'd be. On the contrary, the few times he was left to solace felt increasingly empty without his constant chatter. As before, he still was most often not himself - physically, hormonally and emotionally - thanks to the even littler brat growing inside him, the older brat had lived up to his promise to protect him. Both a distraction from times of discomfort and a soothing in times of pain, Eren pulled his weight in as many ways as Levi would allow. Even though Levi would never be willing to be fully protected - cause hell, he didn't _need_ it anyways - giving Eren a peace of mind was what he deserved.

Also, protection came with free labour, which Levi was always approving of.

Especially piggyback rides.

"Watch the steps," Levi said into the kid's ear as the walked up the short path to the house they stayed in. The snow was becoming thicker and more slippery underfoot, "And don't you dare drop me like last time."

Levi felt Eren shift the weight of his body on his back, arms under his bent knees, with a pinched groan, "Well maybe . . . if you stopped chocking me - "

"I don't want to be dropped."

"I'll collapse from suffocation if you don't loosen your grip a little!"

"Maybe you'll collapse because your weak arms are - "

"No, I can lift you fine sir!"

"Or maybe I'm too heavy for you now - "

"Shut up, I'm not weak!"

Levi chuckled silently as Eren huffed, straightening a bit as he made it the rest of the way inside in a proving display of braun. Levi was placed gently down upon the doormat, and Eren turned toward him with a smirk and glint of pure "I-told-you-so" in his green eyes.

"See?"

Levi nodded, "Yes. You've proven your strength Jäger, both in snowball throwing and heavy lifting."

"You aren't heavy, Heichou." Eren laughed a bit, starting to pull off his wet scarf.

Levi scoffed, meanwhile, was trying to slip off his own shoes, "Tell that to the little brat. Feels heavier every day."

Eren knelt, helping the man tug the slippery boots from his socked feet without being asked, "At least he's growing, like he should. He will be strong, I know it! Especially because of you too sir!"

 _And you_ , Levi mused to himself, _and that's what I'm afraid of. Two brats to look out for_.

". . . and Mikasa will want to get him training as soon as he can lift his head. He'll probably be walking before he's even a year old! And Armin will teach him to read too at that age, all kinds of books - history, mathematics, and then he'll draw too . . ."

Levi rolled his eyes. The kid was going on again, these long and joyous rants spilling his visions of grandeur. They had been happening more frequently as of late. However, Levi knew of one very effective way to distract him.

With one foot freed of his shoe, Levi extended it outward towards the boy. Eren was kneeling, a position perfectly vulnerable for the man's intentions; his foot pointed and nudged his crotch, a brush a little too forceful to be mistaken as accidental.

Eren stopped his task short, looking up innocently, ". . . sir - "

"You're good at going on and on . . . is that all that mouth is good for?"

He pressed harder, beginning a slow, rhythmic rubbing. Eren's mouth hung, eyes fluttering, and when his fingers became fists Levi began to feel him responding.

"Didn't I tell you to pay more attention to me? Why don't you ever babble on about me? Being the only one allowed in your pants I'm sure I've got a lot of secrets you could share. Or would that make you hard? Talking dirty about me - "

Eren gasped and breathed out a soft, guttural sigh.

"Ah, what a nice little sound. I think I'll continue - "

"Sir . . . please - " Eren moved to stand, but the foot fondling him found his forehead and eased him back down.

"Ah ah, did I give you permission?"

"No, sir."

"Keep untying."

Eren complied, slow to undo the laces of his boots. Levi continued his ministrations, becoming more lazy as to agonize the kid in slight. His touches would vary, often breaking rhythm altogether, just to watch Eren squirm on his knees and linger toward his touch. Levi felt his own heart race at the sight.

After a few moments, Eren finished and removed Levi's shoe, lowering his head.

Levi paused, "Why did you stop?"

"Sir . . ." Eren whispered, ". . . please, don't tease me anymore. . ."

"Tease?" Levi raised his foot, using it to lift the kid's chin and catch his bright eyes, "This is no tease. I want them off."

"Off? What - "

"Keep undressing. My clothes. All of them, off. Now."

* * *

 

Speaking on terms of Levi's hormonal imbalance, it was still relatively a slippery slope, a tossing boat on rough waters, but he was better prepared for them. Unpredictable swings of mood no longer caught him off guard. When his emotions ran high or low he knew what to do to help level them off; usually a good act of catharsis would subside the ebb and flow. His libido was still a tough tooth to pick, but his new solution was simple: have sex.

With Eren as his partner, that was now as easily said as it was done.

And boy, was it _definitely_ done.

Levi and Eren's breaths were tangled together, bodies pressed back against the softness of their sofa, surrounded by the warmth of their living room. The fireplace smouldered dimly, but they had no need of the warmth, not then.

Levi shifted his mouth away to catch his breath, lips feeling swollen from the barrage of affection. He watched Eren's face grow from stress to anxiety, a good anxiety, as he moved his hands down, inch by inch, atop chest. Lower and lower.

Eren's eyes were tensed shut, breath exiting his nose sharply in and out. The sweat beading on his neck, the arch there and his pinked skin made Levi want to devour him again, but he resisted. Levi watched the kid inhale as he began to rub him, just barely at first, along his member. He knew he would not have to coax the kid to pleasure, for he was already beyond stiff. Eren had been always been relatively responsive to stimulation - at least, how they had previously been together before Levi's condition - and any touch would have ignited his desire. Any touch that was Levi's, that is.

Levi's fingers stroked more firmly, changing speeds from fast to slow and back. Eren's hands clutched the fabric of the sofa hard, and Levi knew he was restraining from making noise. He was a very vocal lover, and for him to be this silent was a surprise. _I'll make him talk_ , he thought teasingly.

"Ah!" Eren groaned, his head falling back as the sensations upon his member suddenly changed from stroking to gripping. Involuntarily, he thrusted toward the touch. "Heichou . . . "

It was uncommon for Levi to top, especially in his state, but his condition overall did not change much. Intercourse was out of the question - by Levi's own request - and sure, his stomach was rounded and his back was fairly sore but his performance was none less than usual - he would even go to say it granted more stamina. Maybe on both of their parts.

Levi dipped his head downwards, seeing for himself how erect the kid was. It pressed eagerly upon his abdomen, brushing against Levi's as well, the tip already moistened in anticipation. Even without his hand there it pulsed and twitched with desire, with want

A soft laugh left him between breaths, ". . . do you like what you see?"

A hand ran down, along his rounded side gently, and the replied was hoarse, "Yes sir - "

"Eren . . . call me by name . . . "

Eren squirmed, mumbling incoherent noises of lust and need. Levi felt his own self warming, everywhere, at the sight before him. "Levi . . . Heichou - "

His hands took to Eren's rouged hardness finally, and he gave the kid one firm squeeze before slowly moving up and down his length. His small hand was nimble and not afraid, lingering at the tip to rub him there and see him agonized in desire. At every stroke Eren moaned, body beginning to tremble. One of his legs arched and he ached deep inside himself, a burn longing to be fulfilled. He thrusted up into his lovers hand once, then again, then again, releasing sounds he wasn't sure of.

Levi slowed his ministrations, seeing how close he was to release. Eren let out steady noises by then, pants and moans, deep in his throat. Those sounds alone could drive Levi insane; he calmed his own desire, focusing on him. Eren moved his hips into Levi's hand, but he loosened his grip some. Eren noticed.

"Levi . . . " He begged, writhing into him, the sweat on his face beading, "Please . . . ah! . . . oh _god_ . . . "

Eren threw his head back, thrusting more urgently into his hand though he returned none of his want. Levi teased him, running a finger along the pulsing vein on the underside, up and down, up and down. Eren's member bucked on its own rhythmically, achingly stiff. Levi watched it for a moment, intrigued. Yes, for a kid his age it wasn't bad. It measured up, despite his stature, and was unexpectedly fervent yet well-controlled -

"Levi!"

The cry snapped Levi out of his wonderings, and he looked to Eren's reddened face. His hands gripped the fabric of the sofa tighter than ever and he let out high sounds of lust. Levi's hand grabbed him firmly once more, and he seemed to sigh in relief, a sigh replaced by a grunt and then a moan. Levi rubbed him up and down, tightening his grip with each stroke. His vocalizations were increasing, and he knew -

One of his hands suddenly gripped his free arm, and Eren struggled to speak, eyes squeezed shut, "Levi . . . oh god, I'm coming . . ."

Levi lowered his head, taking in his mouth the end of his throbbing penis, and the sensation was all his body seemed to need. With nearly a shout Eren finally came, thrusting hard once, his body rising as he rode the wave of pleasure. Levi felt Eren's grip on his hair, feeling the warm spurts inside his throat increase with each of his thrusts onto his tongue.

Eren moaned with his movements, breathing shallowly as he came down, lowering himself slowly onto the sofa as the last spurts left him. Levi, as lovingly as he could, swallowed what he could get down of the substance in his mouth, spitting the remnants onto Eren's stomach, who was still panting, the sweat being wiped off his brow.

 _Filthy_ , Levi thought, the taste on his tongue a bit sour but slightly sweet like the kids skin smelled. They lingered a moment in their position before Eren silently shifted, allowing the man to move to be at his side, spooning him slightly.

It was a wordless bliss, Eren exhausted beyond means, safe with the feeling of Levi's temple resting on his chest. He thought for a moment Levi had drifted to sleep like he sometimes did. But instead, Eren heard Levi speak something softly, under his breath then. He did not hear it clearly.

“Pardon me sir?”

“Ellesmere.”

“Hm?”

“That girl, at the stand today. Someone called her by Ellesmere.”

“Oh.”

“Ellesmere is a name that I like.”

Eren instantly smiled, in shock, breaths shuddering a little in response. It was an extremely sentimental gesture for Levi to bring up something related to their child so willingly and openly. Most often Eren had to wrestle anything out, and what was spoken was spoken bluntly. Even when Hanji gave them their updates at each check-up, of the developments of their child’s brain and body functions, of the extensive medical information Eren barely understood but gaped at because it was their child, Levi would only nod. Never did he speak in a voice as he did then, so soft and low and warm like the smouldering embers lighting the room. Never the phrasing, free and natural. Never.

“Why are you stuttering for?” Levi barked, feeling the erratic breathes, and Eren shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

“N-nothing, I . . . like that too, that’s all.” Eren said, "I was hoping you wouldn't resolve to calling him 'little brat' all his life."

"Tch. I'll still call it that."

"Sir?"

"Hm?"

"May I ask you something?"

". . . I suppose."

"Why sir ... Heichou, why don't you like talking about him?"

Eren brought it up gently, knowing it was a tender sore. His voice was a whisper, "Why are you afraid of talking about him?"

Levi was still, but Eren felt the rhythmic pattering inside the man's ribcage increase in tempo. He tucked his chin further down to his shoulder, silent.

Eren wanted to go on, but he saw in Levi’s eyes a darkness, void of that sheen that they usually held, opaque and glazed over. Yes, Eren was in tune with Levi's subtle, silent cues more than anyone else. He whispered then, not in a condescending way, but in a gentle tone he hope would break through. “You’re nervous.” Levi didn’t respond, but that in itself was a response to is question. His eyes wandering down to his hands.

“You’re nervous that if we give it a name, you’ll love it even more.” Levi subtly shook his head. Eren tried again.

“You’ll love it even more … and then … if something happens …”

Levi shifted in the bed as a way to interrupt Eren’s words, gentle rustles like the wind cutting him off, and then Eren knew. Yes, it was an afterthought that they all had, even Commander Hanji and all of her determination, that if something did go wrong with Levi's pregnancy, it would be more than a tragic event. Eren denied it, denied it with the very core of his soul, but it had always been possibility. The fact that this event had occurred at all was an anomaly in human anatomical history, one that even Hanji in all of her intelligence knew little to explain. The risks were higher than the height of a Titan towering over them both.

There was nothing they could do to control this fact. It was just as predictable as a toss of a die in the air: where it would fall, none could determine. No matter intelligence, no matter intuition, no matter heart. And Eren had to accept that.

But that didn’t mean that their love for their child while it was with them was not genuine, and that their hope for its survival was not valid. And that’s what Eren believed on. That even though the outcome was unpredictable, that their determination toward an end goal was still important, and that if they gave up then there would be no point in believing at all.

Eren found Levi’s hand, wriggling his fingers to lace between the man's, warming the coldness there. He smiled though the man still avoided his eyes. Avoided the pain transferring from his to Eren’s own.

"I'd like to name her ... oh, never mind."

Levi gently nudged his toes into Eren's leg, "Well you can't just leave me like that. What was it?"

Eren shook his head, "I don't know ... I mean, for a girl, I would like to name her after my mother - "

"Which was Carla."

A soft chuckle left the kid, "You remember."

"Don't expect so little of me; I'm pregnant, not stupid."

"Well? What do you think?'

"... well, its not outstandingly unique but ... it has merit."

Eren figured that it was a compliment. "Why don't we name it Erwin Jr. if it's a boy - "

"You _want_ people getting the wrong idea?! I'll kick your ass back to Shiganshina if you make that joke one more time."

"Erwin Jäger."

"You mean Erwin _Ackerman_ \- I'm giving birth to this brat, the least I get is the surname - "

"But technically, you are the wife right? In all honesty, that means Erwin _Jäger_ would be - "

Levi shoved Eren off the couch in one kick.

* * *

 

 

"That's all I could find Mr. Jäger sir. It was too snowy for me to search further tonight."

At the frigid wind that gusted in the entryway and chilled his socked toes, Eren felt a shudder crawl over him. He was not sure if it were entirely due to the cold, however.

His emerald eyes were tossed, from the sheet of wrinkled paper in his grip to the tiny voice belonging to the small boy at his hip level before him, dressed raggedly and nose pinked from chill. "How many did you see Elias?"

". . . um, probably around twenty I think. They were all posted 'round the market street, in plain view."

Eren nodded as his eyes continued to rapidly take in the information printed on the sheet. Subconsciously, his fingers dug deeper and wrinkled the paper. He was unnerved by the specifics, the detailed descriptions, by the phrase: WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.

Worse yet, he hated that a certain name was included in full: Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman.

Eren instinctively, like a mother to their child, glanced behind himself to ensure Levi was still there. And he was, of course, just were Eren had left him, nestled safely beneath an old afghan on the sofa, skin burning with another 3 a.m. fever.

The thoughts swirling through his mind of worry and anxiety and pure unadulterated anger, the thought of Levi once again in the throes of danger, taken from his side - Eren could not take it. It made him want to be sick.

"Elias." Eren whispered, not bothering to hide the emotions brimming in his tone, "I need you to deliver these papers to Head Quarters by tonight."

The young boy instantly lit up, " _Head Quarter_ s? As in _Survey Corps_ Head Quarters?!"

"Yes. Take this message directly to Commander Erwin Smith by order of Lance Corporal Levi: we are on alert for a threat and on standby for orders."

As he spoke, Eren grabbed his scarf and wrapped it around the kid; the last thing he wanted was his messenger getting frostbite.

"Stay safe, okay?"

The boy nodded vigorously and Eren placed the papers back in his dirty hands. "Yes sir."

Then he was gone, racing off into the whiteout night. The tail of his scarf was the last Eren saw in his vision and a pang of ill ease struck him as the blue fluttered into the snowy shadows.

Suddenly, Eren's fleeting feeling of comfort was long gone. And suddenly, their safe haven seemed all too much like a coffin then.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seemed the night of words cut short, breaths stifled in throats and tongues stilled in awe. Yet again, it occurred. Armin turned the paper over to the backside, curiously as a child would to an autumn leaf, revealing words smudged in blood and barely discernible. They read: KILL THE TITAN CHILD.
> 
> Armin was more than upset, then. He was furious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I AM UPDATING THIS BEFORE CLASS SO VERY FAST NOTES
> 
> I AM SORRY ITS BEEN LIKE 3 MONTHS FORGIVE ME BUT THE NEXT CHAPTERS WILL COME QUICKLY
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK IF YOU ENJOY! THANK YOU FOR READING!

_Survey_ _Corps_ _Head_ _Quarters_

 

"... then Marco basically fell on top of me so there was absolutely no way I could stay airborne at that point - and what do you know, my left cable starts shuddering and decides to give out on me! Talk about shitty timing, huh?"

Armin nodded half-heartedly, wrapping his arms even tighter around his midsection in attempt to quell the shivers coursing over him. Even with an extra pair of socks - atop an extra pair - his toes were numb in his boots. His hood was lined with fur but did little to keep the scathing chill of the snowy whiteout from his ears. All in all, it was too cold to try and keep up friendly banter with Jean tonight. _Way_ too cold.

Jean, to the left of Armin by a few feet, huffed quietly over the whistling wind. "You know, this job would be a hell of a lot less tedious if you'd actually try to make conversation once in awhile."

"Sorry Jean. I'm freezing - "

"Hell, you're not the only one - "

"And ... " Armin's eyes continuously searched the swirling ivory darkness about him, on-edge and attentive under their current condition. That recurring eerie feeling crawled like his shivers all over him again, unsettling like the sight of an unknown shadow. He picked up his trailing thought and finished it. "... I feel strange."

"Strange? Whaddya mean 'strange'? Do you mean a sick strange or like… an uneasy strange?"

"Both, but mostly because I'm uneasy." Armin rubbed freezing palms together.

It took a lot nowadays to awaken the feeling of restlessness in him, his resilience to it having grown from his times on the battlefield, and likewise he did not easily give in to the sensation anymore. It had been a curse of late, all because of Eren - although, when he really stopped to ponder it, hadn't it always been Eren's duty to be a constant worry for him to bear?

Head Quarters was a frigid bustling building of aspiring cadets, battle-trained seniors and - hidden deeper than theoretically need be - one slightly crazed doctor. Under Erwin Smith's command, all personnel in knowledge of this fact where in heightened awareness of their duty and dedication to defend their base, if an attack were to be made. High alert - though kept quiet - was a constant, and Armin's headaches were ever so similar. This conglomeration of events - the elaborate web of mistrusts, linked with Captain Levi, Eren, Commander Hanji, Dr. Abrahams, and Erwin - was enough to drive him into a tizzy. The fact that he was the only one outside of the group who knew, and had thus been commanded to defend these untruths, was a struggle to follow.

But again, he was worried more for Eren, and for Levi Heichou. And despite his misgivings, he would be ever willing to put his trust in the word of Commanders Erwin and Levi, even if he wasn’t typically one for secrets. Even if it meant he must continue to bear this weighty uneasiness.

"Do you know that sensation?” Armin went on, expressing his discomfort, “When your stomach is upset, a nauseous feeling and you keep thinking there's someone whispering in your ear?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest ... no, not exactly."

"It feels like someone is watching us." Armin said bluntly. Jean instantly put up his guard, becoming visibly more aware of his surroundings.

“Well then,” he replied, his face full of obviously false confidence. “Let’s do our job and go get ‘em!”

Armin shook his head, though in Jean’s obvious distraction he knew he could not see the gesture, “No … oh, nevermind.”

At the false sense of urgency, Jean huffed and rolled his eyes, though in Armin’s obvious detachment he knew he could not see the gesture,”This is stupid. We’ve been assigned to this job for almost three months and every single night all we do is freeze our nuts off. The bastards in the Inner Walls probably forgot about Abrahams weeks ago.”

“That’s exactly what they want us to think. Half-hearted complacency. Thinking we’ve done a ‘fine job’. That’s when we let down our guard. That’s exactly what they want.”

Jean, displeased that the blond was again laying waste to his complaints with his astute insight, scoffed. “Half a year ago all the Inner Wall could talk about was Jaeger, and now they don’t give a rat’s ass about him. That stupid doctor is an imbecile, or so I’ve heard. There’s no way anyone would come back for him.”

Armin almost smiled a little, his inner thoughts forcing him to keep secret the truth about the situation, but was unable to stop the chuckle that slipped through his pink lips, “That is, if he were only a stupid doctor.”

Jean gave him a sidelong glance and groused, “Oi, you’ve got that wild look in your eyes again. Snap out of it.”

Only the shrill wind whispered a reply.

“Hey smartass - !”

“Shh!” Armin hushed violently, “Listen …”

Yes, it was faint, but still like the hovering sense of anxiety, it was there. As trainees, they had been taught to detect this sound quickly and accurately, like a predator tuned to the characteristics of its prey. The sound of footsteps crunching hard in the snow, scattered and stumbling, judging by their erratic nature.

 _Leave_ _it_ _to_ _Jean_ _to_ _jinx_ _us_ , Armin thought bitterly, watching from the corner of his eye as Jean unsheathed his ODM gear blade at his hip and sprinted headlong toward the commotion.

“Wait!” Armin called, stumbling to catch up with his impulsive companion. Instead of the sound becoming more discernible as Armin raced toward it, a few paces behind Jean, it slowly got quieter until neither of the soldiers could hear a murmur. Armin, shielding his eyes from the snow, nearly toppled Jean over as he collided with his backside, the taller boy stood stiff as a corpse.

Yes, alike to the sight before their eyes. The body of a young boy was sprawled, limbs strewn, crumpled in the snow bank at their feet. Armin placed him as a vagrant by his sparse and dirtied clothing, looking to be no more substantial than rags. By the way his head lay crooked, Armin knew instantly that he must have been unconscious from a fall. Suddenly, something else on the body caught his attention.

“This is Eren’s …” Armin mumbled with concern as he knelt to move aside the blue scarf wrapped around the boy’s neck, placing two fingers on the frigid skin to feel for a pulse. There was none.

Jean joined his side calmly - their level headedness was only natural considering the innumerable times they had been tasked with identifying the bodies of soldiers on the battlefield. “Another messenger boy. Probably hypothermia. Too dangerous to have them out in this weather.”

For some reason, Armin had a feeling otherwise. Nimbly frisking the body with his freezing hands, Armin’s numb fingers quickly found the hilt of a dagger lodged directly into the boy’s left ribcage. He pulled his hand away from the sensation of warmth there, coming up with deep red smears.

Jean motioned the lantern in his trembling grip over the body, a sharp gasp giving away his raising anxiety. He gestured to the side of the child’s face half-buried in the snow. “Look. What’s that?”

Armin turned the boy’s head, noting that the mouth was parted unnaturally. In the dark, he could see that something had been shoved in the cavity post-mortem, considering the torn sides of the small lips. He carefully grabbed the jutting edge of it and pulled. It was - or had been - a sheet of paper, now not much more than a damp and bloodied mush.

Fortunately, as Armin studied it under the light, he found it still distinguishable. As he unwrinkled it fully, it was Armin’s turn to gasp. Armin wetted his lips, his voice emerging in hazy clouds of mist, slow and unsteady, as he read the lettering on the paper.

_"Wanted dead or alive: Doctor Fritz Abrahams, Head Physician in residence at St Agatha's Hospital of Wall Sina ... last seen three months past upon the court hearing of Erwin Smith, Head Commander of the Survey Corps. The aforementioned individual, Cadet Eren Jäger, Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman, and any or all others affiliated with the Survey Corps branch of the Military are considered suspects in Dr. Abrahams’ disappearance and are required to report to the Inner Wall Courthouse immediately. In cooperation with the Military, citizens are required to report any and all soldiers affiliated with the Survey Corps branch of the Military. Any wavering from this jurisdiction will result in imprisonment or revocation of rank."_

Like a bell toll, something was struck inside of the blond boy with force, resonating inside his head and ringing in his ears. Questions intertwined with questions and tangled up in uncertainties and worries echoed about, unable to find rest. For the first time in a long while, Armin was very upset.

Jean's tense voice cut through his racing thoughts, bringing him back to the chill of reality. "Why the hell are they pointing fingers at all of us? Are they trying to cause an uproar by bring down a third of the military - "

It seemed the night of words cut short, breaths stifled in throats and tongues stilled in awe. Yet again, it occurred. Armin turned the paper over to the backside, curiously as a child would to an autumn leaf, revealing words smudged in blood and barely discernible. They read: _KILL_ _THE_ _TITAN_ _CHILD_.

Armin was more than upset, then. He was furious.

"... Jesus Christ." Jean muttered, a hand covering his mouth, masking his shock.

Armin's hands unconsciously clenched around the paper, suddenly feeling very warm despite the insistent swell of wind and snow around them. He stared for a long moment, taken aback ... and noticed his right thumb had smudged the lettering. He realized, all at once.

Without second thought, Armin stumbled upward again, one hand holding tightly to the paper and the other finding Jean's hand and grasping it with a firm tug, practically dragging him back toward Headquarters.

Jean, though startled, met Armin's pace and was soon running alongside him through the snow, panting and shouting, "W-wait why the hell are we running -"

"Damn it ... I should have figured it out sooner!"

"Figured what out?"

"The blood!"

" _What_?!"

"The blood was fresh!" Armin shouted back between breaths, tone sharp, "The body was still warm! Whoever is looking for us is here, and they wanted us to know!"

"Shit ... we fell right into their hands - "

" _Freeze_!"

A chorus of loaded rifles snapping into place was chilling, like the cruel clattering of bones. It came from all around them, every direction, surrounding them in a blink of their frosted eyes. Armin's breath caught in his throat, and he only remembered he was clinging on to Jean's hand when he felt Jean's fingers tense around his palm.

"Hold fire!"

It was not clear who had spoken the command until a figure began to emerge from the shadowy brush ahead of them, palm raised in a gesture of calm. As he approached them. Armin felt his knees weaken at the sight, and sensed Jean steady him a little in his instability.

It was Commander Erwin.

"At ease!"

Suddenly, the faceless soldiers surrounding them stepped out of the darkness and removed their hoods, transforming from threats into familiar faces. Members of Squad Levi and a dozen other trainees became visible amongst them, some perched high above in trees and others face-down in the snow, all lowering their weapons as commanded.

The tall man before Armin and Jean pushed the fur-lined hood back from his forehead, blue eyes piercing their gazes, sharp as shattered ice. His voice was a harrowed and coarse whisper. "Cadets, we are under the threat of an ambush as we speak - "

"The threat no longer exists, sir." Armin regained enough strength to shove the wrinkled paper in his hands toward Erwin. That fury, awoken inside of him by the slanderous threat smeared in the scarlet of blood, burned and glimmered in his eyes.

"They are here, sir. And I know without a doubt their intentions are to spill blood and disgrace the integrity of the Survey Corps. We must contact Corporal Levi - and hope he has not already been put in danger.”

* * *

 

_The thing was killing him._

_The man's arms were held close to his prominent ribs, cradled to his chest, protective to the thing that was literally draining him of every ounce of himself. It was just a small, bright light. It was attached to him somehow, though invisibly. Where his skin met it, it let off a glow, as if feeding the thing from his own body. It seemed to hold existence not just with him, but within him. The grasp around it was ever gentle but never wavering, like a death grip._

_The thing was killing him._

_What seemed the most unnatural was the way the man looked upon it. It was an expression both solemn and intensely protective, sealed with the very faintest wisps, merely traces, of a fading smile. Eren felt weak and unsteady, as if a strong unseen wind was raging around him. Simultaneously, he felt stiff like solid ice, as if his feet were chained to the ground. He was being violently wavered, yet could not control himself to move. “Levi!” He shouted, though it was only inward. When his mouth opened, nothing escaped, not even a whisper of a breath. Damn it!_

_Amongst this ethereal atmosphere, his eyes could still find steadiness on the figure just out of reach. It seemed, though, as if he were growing dangerously more and more faint. Dark shadowed eyes focused, grave and bloodshot, never moved upon the precious glow held close; like smoldering embers fanning to a flame, the light seemed to coax his fade to a steady burn. Like a mist above cool waters, he drifted and faded upwards, like smoke from a fire, dispersing to nothing._

_It was killing him._

_Eren tried to scream, and he could feel it burn within his throat, raw and coarse and jagged with his fury, but nothing came out, leaving him helpless and distant, just too distant to even feel the last wisps of the fading figure before him. Even so, the figure smiled down to the tiny light._

_He smiled . . . and it was_ killing _him. Why was he letting this little light . . ._ kill _him?_

* * *

 

A reflexive jolt kicked Eren Jager back into consciousness, back to his physical presence and place beneath warm and wrinkled covers. Breaths still seemed caught, stuck in his throat, and he gasped after a few seconds, sucking in the cold air in the darkness around him. His hands formed fists, combatting the trembling his body was wracked with.

It was alright. His brain backtracked quickly, remembering a bit back into the night, of his walk with Levi and their time spent that night together, of his fever, when he had sent the messenger boy away and carried the man to bed with him. It was alright.

 _Just a dream … just a dream …_ Eren repeated the mantra, still not quite used to the vividness his night terrors often held. He pep-talked to himself, regaining a hold on reality. His heart still pounded insistently, disturbed internally. _It’s fine, I’m fine … I’m here, Levi is here …_

Eren instinctively reached his hand to his left, to Levi’s side of the bed … but was returned with the chilling emptiness of a cold mattress.

“Levi!” Eren shouted, tossing the blankets aside and rising to his feet without second thought. It was upon his feet, however, that further outbursts were stifled in his mouth.

In the dim moonlight cast between snow clouds, Levi’s form was silhouetted in the darkness before the window in their room. Outlined was the slight gaunt in his shoulders and the curve of his abdomen. Between his hands he grasped a steaming mug, held close to his body for warmth, eyes looking toward him slowly like a half-interested feline. They were dark with fatigue, as was his voice in reply.

“... a nightmare?”

Eren blinked a few times, and nodded back slowly, “Yeah … yeah, it was nothing.”

“Good. Thought it may have been a wet dream by the way you were calling out to me.”

His neck was hot instantly, and Eren huffed to himself. He sauntered over to the man’s side slowly, brow raising in question. “Did I wake you?”

“No. My fever broke an hour ago.”

Eren wordlessly took the cup from Levi’s hands and took a small sip. “Tea?”

“No. Hot water. Can’t seem to stomach anything.”

Levi tilted his head, granting a sidelong glance out the window. There was something in the matte blackness of his eyes, the odd sheen of sweat resting on lowered brow that sparked something in Eren in sudden concern. All his previous terrors were tossed aside, all attention focused on what lay before him. The boy watched as Levi’s breathing grew ragged and sparse, a distance clouding his vision. It looked almost as if he were in a great deal of pain -

 _No_ , Eren corrected himself, _he’s trying to hide the fact that he is in pain._

“Levi - “

Levi held up one finger in wait, eyes closing for a few moments before he released a heavy breath.

“Are you alright?” Eren set the mug in his hands down before moving to steady the man before him, grabbing his forearms in his grip gently.

Levi still appeared winded but replied slowly. “... no, actually, I’m having a pretty shitty time.”

For the man to outwardly admit to his weakness meant that it must have been something too great for him to bear alone. Eren guided Levi carefully toward the bed, “You’re sure you’re not fevered - “

"Yes."

"A-are you -"

“My waters broke.”

The three words hit Eren hard, stealing words and breath from his throat for a moment.

“A pain in my side woke me up a few hours ago; I was hoping it was a false alarm. Until my waters broke.”

It was Eren who needed to be steadied then. The look on his face was something like a mix between shock and hurt, “Heichou … “

Levi did not reply, but Eren was not sure if he chose not to or simply could not. His eyes were firm in his gaze, caught with his own solemnly and unwavering. A feeling of helplessness washed over him, familiar but still as sharp as ever. Still, Levi tried to protect him. Still, Levi put himself at risk for his sake. And still, Eren could do little to stop him.

As upset as he was, however, a feeling of anxious elation found him and rose into his cheekbones. He did not hide the smile as it creased the corners of his lips, causing Levi to speak up. “What is it?”

“When I was in the med bay, when you told me you were pregnant, I was scared. Not at first . . . at first I was shocked, and confused. But I realized then, and I remembered right now … how real this is. Heichou, you're not just pregnant anymore. We’re going to have a baby. To care for, to worry for, to feed and keep safe. And when it hit me, I was terrified." Eren chuckled to himself, "I was so scared. But I knew that this little brat would be one of the most important steps in our advance … our fight, against these Walls. And it would not just be mine. It was ours.”

Eren found Levi's hand and squeezed it gently. He moved and looked back at him, blinking back tears of joy in his eyes.

"And?" Levi said, voice hushed.

"And I wasn't so scared anymore." Eren felt the short chuckles that came from Levi's tired muscles, and he held his hand tightly, kissing the back of it gently.

Levi mumbled, "At least one of us is stable; I'm still scared shitless -”

The sentence was interrupted by two things.

Firstly, by Levi’s own voice, rising in an airy sound of pain, dissipating into strained breath as he breathed quickly through it. His hand tensed around Eren’s, and the kid was reminded very quickly that even in this circumstance where he was made vulnerable and weak by pain, Levi was _still_ Humanity’s Strongest - all the blood left his fingers in a blink, and Eren gasped in his own pain.

Second, there was a fairly loud thump that resounded downstairs, sounding something like the door coming off its hinges and a crowd of people storming into the little house; both circumstances were certainly not ideal. Eren was on his feet instantly, in a fierce defensive mode especially in his partners state. He felt just about capable to take on anything that threatened Levi on a good day - now, it was elevated tenfold. 

"Calm down ..." Levi called to him from his place guarding the door, voice strained still.

" _Calm_ _down_?! Whoever the hell is here better have brought ODM gear with them - "

"Jäger, if you bite your thumb you're a dead man - "

"How the hell _else_ do I fight them off?!" Eren shot him a look from wide eyes. 

"You spent three years in training to become a _soldier_ , not a _Titan_ \- use your fists goddamn it!" Levi's furious tone was obviously spurred on by his visible pain, "And stay calm - "

Heichou could not keep up the banter, breathing in sharply through clenched teeth and releasing another sound of discomfort. Eren's anger only increased, hearing footsteps clamour up the stairs. His mind raced, of the terror ahead of them - he knew they would receive no mercy for their "morally sick" acts, as so spoken by Doctor Abrahams himself. Levi would be taken into custody, experimented on, and what of the child? Would they kill it for its risk of being a Titan Shifter, or would they keep it for examination, treated poorly like they had to him? Treated like the monster they thought Eren was. 

Those damned Inner Wall scientists poking and prodding and violating an innocent child. Its desperate cries, for freedom, for protection. Eren's fury seethed at the thought. 

"There is no way in _hell_ I am letting them near him! No one deserves to be treated like I was! I'll do whatever it takes - they are _not_  taking him away from us!"

Just as the approaching uproar grew even louder, Eren backed himself up to stand before the bed, before Heichou, and positioned himself at ready to fight. He brought his thumb up to his teeth, resting between the two joints, in precaution. He would honour Levi's request, but not at the sake of his life. He swore to defend him, firstly.

There were three pounding noises at the door, and Eren shouted in reply, "Fuck off!"

The door was kicked open. 

"Boy, you have one hell of a mouth on you when you're angry don't you Jäger?"

Jean Kirschtein scoffed as he entered the room, flanked closely by a small group of Survey Corps soldiers, including Commander Hanji who shoved her way past Jean and nearly knocked him too the floor. Eren barely had time to be upset with Jean's side comment as Hanji took to Levi's side, directing two soldiers to help him to his feet, covering him with a thick warm blanket. 

"What - "

"We can't explain here, Eren." Hanji pulled him to his feet, eyes holding that darkness he recognized, "We received your message, but someone intercepted it on the way. Just come with us."

Eren dropped his right hand, teeth imprints still in his skin, and nodded, unsure of what else he could do. 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corporal Levi has gone into labour earnestly, and Commander Hanji and Armin are assisting the birth, safely hidden from those looking to harm him.
> 
> Meanwhile, Commander Erwin and Eren are off again to Wall Sina in attempt to put right the wrongs between them and the Higher Ups. 
> 
> Upon returning to Levi's side, Eren Jäger receives the surprise of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> So here's a chapter I am holding dear to my heart, considering I have worked on the very end of it for nearly six months(!) and have revised it many times. It is bittersweet, and exactly the direction where I imagined this story to eventually head. 
> 
> NOTE: *I do understand that the last time Erwin and Eren travelled to Wall Sina it took them about 5 days, and now they will reach Wall Sina in about three hours. This is due to the fact that they leave/return to Kleinstadt, which is far closer to Wall Sina than Survey Corps Head Quarters is*
> 
> Also, there is some mild talk about childbirth (like lowkey) and also VERY SENSITIVE information ahead. Please read with caution. 
> 
> All that being said, please enjoy!

The room around them seemed like a shallow embrace, bare and cold and sharp like one given from emaciated arms. A tiny window above them only revealed the colour of a midnight sky, cut by the dimming candles lit in haste amongst them.

Hands tensed, grasping fabric in a desire for comfort, with a frustrated fatigue. Sound caught in the throat, stifled from becoming a scream and damped into nothing but the remains of a weak sigh. When the eyes blinked open, a rare moment between the tension, fluttering with a dark and matte coloured longing, glistening with the frightening brightness pain, it coaxed similar stifling in the ones hovering at his side. A stifling, though, of words and thoughts, out of sympathy. Out of a different kind of pain and longing.

Armin Arlert had never assisted a live birth before. He knew how births happened, biologically, from the medical books of Dr. Jäger he had read at Eren’s house as a boy. Of course, like many of the other trainees, he had received a crash course on what to do when any of the horses in the barracks were having foals, but it was told off-the-cuff and was certainly not the same.

What Armin felt most unprepared for was the weightiness of it all. It was not all biological, not all procedural monitoring of contractions and hydration levels like he had expected. Along with it was a quiet sense of anxiety that sat upon his shoulders like a wet blanket, the emotions that coursed through him, feelings of sympathy and confusion and worry and fear. No one had ever seemed to talk about these things.

That was why standing aside, his hands sweaty and wringing nervously, he had no idea what to do. Not now. In the heat of a battle, under the shadow of a Titan, his brain always seemed to devise a way out of the maze trouble lead him in. But here, in the presence of someone thought strong and turned vulnerable, his mind was slow and unsure -

“Armin!”

The boy flinched, eyes darting to the one who had called him.

Commander Hanji, who on the other hand seemed perfectly at ease with their situation, knelt at the bedside table, a small suitcase at her feet filled with an array of vials and syringes in an array of sizes.

“Bring the water to me. Is it warm enough?”

Armin had almost forgotten he had even fetched for it. He picked up the bucket at his feet and complied with a nod, placing it at her side.

“Yes, sir, it’s been boiled.”

“Good.”

Hanji held a needle and a vial up to the light, glasses pushed up to her eyes in concentration. The candle beside the bed on the night table flickered, disturbed by her words to waver, but burned on.

"Come here, I'll need your hands for this."

Armin heeded her beckoning. He pushed his sleeves up his forearms again, fingers combing through his blond hair briskly as he knelt at the woman's side.

"... I have here one-thousand millilitres of a relaxant agent." Her nimble fingers carefully handed him the syringe and vial, hand over hand, while instructing him. "I need you to measure and administer seven-hundred and fifty millilitres to Heichou."

Armin's alarm spiked, "B-but I've never given a vaccine before sir - "

"Pierce the skin at a forty five degree angle and press the plunger slowly until there is no fluid remaining. Simple enough for you to understand cadet, I'm sure. Quickly, now."

Armin felt his heart race, heightened anxiety by the rush she pushed him toward. It had been five hours, so far, though time to him seemed an afterthought in the beginning, nonexistent and distant. As they neared the end of the labouring, it seemed as if time was speeding up and every second mattered. To Armin, from the outside, it felt very fast, but he knew at this point, heavy and exhausted by pain, to Heichou it felt just the contrary.

Another low moan made Armin cringe a little as he neared the man's side, kneeling on the floor before the bed. Levi Heichou dipped his head below hunched shoulders, half-bent with outstretched arms on the edge of the stripped mattress. Raven black hair was stuck together in strands and carelessly shadowing his face.

Before Armin had a chance to speak, the man turned his head just barely, "... I don't want ... any medicine -"

"Heichou, sir, the infant's vitals are dropping. The heart rate is climbing, because of distress, so the more relaxed we can - "

"I don't want any medicine."

The protest was not angry, but firm. Armin watched the eyes flutter, exhaustedly, pleading to him without words.

Armin set the needle down gently on the nightstand, attentively grabbing the mans outstretched hand.

"... help me, onto my back."

The blond did so, easily pulling the weakness of Levi's body to rise just enough to lay on the mattress; the trembling of the strong hand in his own small one was surreal, but Armin swallowed the ill feeling back. He couldn't feel any weakness, not now. For Heichou's sake.

"Eren ... where's - where is Eren." The stammering of the words suggested an incoherency but the clarity of his bright stare contradicted it.

"He's gone with Commander Erwin to return Dr. Abrahams to the Inner Wall. Yours and Eren's safety lies far higher in importance than revenge against the doctors actions.” Armin replied softly, “The Commander is prepared to take full responsibility for any consequences the Higher Ups may demand."

"Will he ... be here?"

Then, the dark eyes were those of a tired man, hazed with pain, longing for someone to hold his hand. Armin tried his best, to push down his feelings again, as he took Heichou's hand in his.

"I don't know." It was all he managed to say.

"That brat ... always ... causing me grief ..." Levi breathed, muscles tensing throughout his body, head lolling backwards and exposing his neck to the damp air. "Oh ... oh, _fuck_ \- "

"Deep breaths, Heichou." Hanji spoke up, voice in a calm Armin rarely heard, "You're getting closer."

Armin still knelt, watching as Hanji was already busy in her examinations, coming to sit at the end of the bed, her gloved right hand underneath the bed sheets, eyes narrowed in concentration. Armin had been educated on all child birthing lingo – in the risk of Hanji's absence – and knew she was examining Levi's cervix. Her eyes closed for a moment before they looked up at his.

"Nine centimetres."

"Already -?"

"Premature labour, you can never anticipate anything to go as planned." Hanji stood, gathering a few towels and handing Armin a pillow to prop the man up with, "Especially since his waters have already broken."

"Hanji ... it hurts, it's ... they're getting closer ... "

Levi seemed dazed, lost somewhere behind his eyelids. Thin hands clutched the sheets beneath him, doubling over at the middle, "God, the pressure - "  
“Heichou, breathe."

"I need to push - "

"Not yet, Levi, just breathe through it."

A gasp. A gasp not of pain, but clear with fatigue. Fabric rustled, a protest of its own. Armin watched as Levi came down from his wave of pain. Hanji cleared her throat.

“. . . good. Listen to my voice. That’s good. Squeeze your hand if you can hear me.”

Silence, heavy breathing like the washing up of shallow water on dirt. Gentle tension wrapped around Armin's fingers.

“Good.” Hanji's whisper was controlled. “When your next contraction comes, it will cause you more pain than before. You are close, but the baby is not far down enough yet. You will feel the pressure again, but you can't push yet. You need to relax through it, alright?"

Hanji waited a moment, and Levi nodded a reply seconds before he was taken again by a contraction, eyes rolling back to close tightly. He leaned forward toward his bent knees; his soft whimpering made Armin's throat feel heavy, and hard. No screams of pain, no sobs. Just gentle, weak whimpers.

". . . Hanji . . ."

Levi's voice was barely there. It was pleading, and Armin bit his bottom lip.

"Shh, you're doing well. That's it . . ." Hanji moved her hands between the raised legs, grabbing a towel, "that's it . . . I can feel the head now."

"... the pressure - I need to push - "

Armin heard the desperate sound Levi made, watching his head toss to the side, overwhelmed by pain, fighting against the strong urges his body begged him to give in to. He looked anxiously to Hanji, who seemed busy examining him again.

As the contraction ended, Levi hissed through clenched teeth, feeling her fingers in places he would rather them not be.

"Alright, Levi, let’s try some gentle pressure. When your contraction comes tuck your chin to your chest and bear down gently."

That was all Levi needed to hold his breath and push. Pain tore through him, burned and throbbed but he couldn't stop, his body knew exactly what needed to be done and all he could do was comply.

It seemed like both a moment and an eternity but Levi soon released his breath as the pain released his stiff muscles finally, leaving him panting stridently.

Hanji smiled to him, "He's a stubborn one, huh?"

Levi mustered up enough strength to scoff. "Takes after ... his father."

* * *

This cycle occurred for another hour - one minute of pushing, thirty seconds to breathe - and to all three it was exhausting in different ways.

Levi hadn't stayed still since then. He roamed from the bed to the floor to the wall to the doorway and back. Hanji and Armin were there, wherever he was, to hold his hand when needed, to wipe the sweat from his hair. With the increase of pain came fear and uncertainty, and as Levi grew more anxious Armin reassured him with whispers of encouragement.

They had made it full circle to the bed again, upon Hanji's instruction, knowing full well it would be over soon.

Armin hoped so, for all their sakes.

"Good!" Hanji cheered upon the finish of his latest contraction, seeing the colour drain from red back to white in Levi's face, "Good job, he's dropping quickly now - "

"It hurts ..." He groaned, voice weakened. Armin held a cloth dampened with cool water to the man’s lips, prompting him to suck gently. "It hurts ..."

"We know." Hanji soothed, knowing the man was only speaking out of exhaustion. "You're doing very well."

Armin knew the man was beyond finished physically, mentally and emotionally. There was nothing he needed more than to rest, but his body also betrayed him with its constant pain in attempt to deliver the being inside him. Muscles trembled constantly, and Armin had been attentive enough to notice he had lost a considerable amount of blood by how Hanji continued replacing the towels between his legs.

"I'm tired ... "

"Soon Levi, soon you'll be finished -"

"I can't ... Eren ... Eren, he's not here - "

"Eren will be here. But you can't worry about that now. You need to focus, on your pain and on the child. You can't concentrate on anything else.” Hanji spoke firmly, pushing her glasses up off her face, “You are almost there".

At his inevitable contraction, Levi simply closed his eyes. His effort was focus, releasing dark moans deep in his throat. Armin was in awe. Not a flinch came across the smoothness of his face breaths a fluidity that surrounded him. His hand tightened around the boy's own, in silent determination. That was truly all the man had left to give. 

Again, Armin hoped that, for all their sakes, it would be enough. 

* * *

 

The garrison had been thrown into a 4 a.m. tizzy, and like a headache throbbing at the back of ones skull, frantic thoughts kept finding Erwin Smith in waves, sharp and damn painful. There were three questions he could not seem to answer, or to put to rest.

How the hell had they even the sources to trace Dr. Abrahams disappearance to them? Yes, taking the old man captive had been a hasty and frankly terrible move, but it had been done like a whisper in the night - gone without a trace into the darkness. Unless someone had managed to sneak into the town where Levi Heichou and Cadet Jeager were seeking refuge and, through messenger boys, decipher the coded letters they sent back and forth it was truly impossible.

Who had found the man’s information valid enough to be considered credible? Granted, the doctor had worked alongside Hanji Zoe in Levi’s initial diagnoses, but Erwin knew that Hanji was not as reckless as she seemed when it came to her scientific research. She would safeguard her data like a mother would protect their child. Dr. Abrahams either sabotaged to receive enough information to present to the Higher Ups, or the Higher Ups were simply too paranoid to even allow the thought of a “Titan Child” to be possible.

Lastly, how did anyone in the Inner Wall have the legal means to even threaten to take down one-third of the military due to, as far as they knew, a rumour? The fact that such action had been sanctioned was enough to cause Erwin to fume. Whoever was behind this must have had ill-feeling against Levi Ackerman, Eren Jeager, himself or maybe the three of them.

But that did not matter. What had occurred, he had no control over - what was occurring now was what Erwin had to grasp, as elusive and quick as it was.

“Commander …”

Erwin shot his eyes from following the lamplights as they approached the entrance to Wall Sina to the fatigued face of Eren Jaeger, pressed up against the corner of the bench on the opposite side of the carriage to him. Again, like before, they rode together in silence. Situation now, however, was entirely different.

To the cadet’s left was Dr. Abrahams, gagged, bound and blindfolded, being firmly subdued by another Survey Corps soldier for security purposes. The man released muffled screams and panted like a sick dog, sweating and squirming, and Erwin fought the urge to outstretch his leg to kick the man and shut him up.

“Where are we headed?"

"The courthouse, just as the Higher Ups instructed, to return Dr. Fritz Abrahams dead or alive.”

Eren’s eyes brightened, “Is this not undoing everything we have done to protect Heichou - “

“The information the doctor now holds is irrelevant, all considering Corporal Levi’s condition resolves itself within the next few hours.”

Erwin spoke the words, implying what he needed enough so that Eren could interpret it. The Commander knew the boy was already put under enough stress with the notion of leaving Levi’s side during childbirth, in a time where the man needed him the most. The only way to help quell the suspicions of the Higher Ups was, just as before, to have Eren Jäger at his side - calm and controlled, as a good pet should be.

“Even if an investigation of Abrahams claims ensues, our trail will be clean. We have a useless shell of a man on our hands, better for us to dispose of him properly.” Erwin replied, keeping a firm gaze with the boy amongst the flashes of light and darkness as they entered the streets of the city. The sound of horses was soon heard, and they were flanked on each side by a considerable military escort.

“Did they know we were coming?”

“They retaliated against _us_. They suspected that we would give in."

Eren spoke up again, “How are we going to proceed with this sir? Won’t they arrest the both of us?”

“Don't worry, cadet. We will provide an ultimatum.”

The whinnying of horses elided with the halting of carriage wheels, and the passengers were rocked in their seats as they came to a shuddering halt. Lights from the red glow of torches soon surrounded the windows, and the door was flung wide.

Erwin exited the carriage and planted his feet on the ground, seeing Zackly stood twenty feet away from him, shadowed closely by at least ten Military Police officers. As he approached, the guns were drawn, at ready; Erwin raised his hands cautiously but saw that the eyes of the men and women were fixed on Zackly, awaiting his order, not him. 

Wind of a coming storm whipped about, screaming amongst the freezing air, and Erwin had to nearly shout to ensure his voice be heard. He had to make clear his request.

"Commander Zackly. I presume that you being awake at such an hour means you are waiting for a special delivery."

"There is no room for coy remarks, Commander Smith. As much as I would love to see you throw Jäger off of another balcony, I am not here to play games." Zackly's voice was dark, and behind him Erwin could hear Eren seething through his teeth even from his place behind him at the carriage.

Zackly smiled slightly, "You know what I want."

"And it's all yours, upon agreement with my request."

The look in the old man's eyes was impatient, but he didn't speak.

"In compliance with your 'advertisement', we will give the doctor to you, to do with him what you please. Interrogation, imprisonment - it is your bidding as to his path; we even kept him alive for your sake."

Erwin glanced over his shoulder, motioning the soldier inside to emerge pulling Dr. Abrahams along. Zackly scoffed at the pitiful sight of the man.

"In return, you must lift the sanctions imposed against Levi Ackerman, Eren Jäger and myself, as well as lift the threat of imprisonment and revocation of rank for the remaining members of the Survey Corps.”

“Why should I - “

“Technically, you have no evidence of the whereabouts of Dr. Abrahams, or our previous contact with the man. We were only _suspect_ in his disappearance; for all you know, we could have found him along the outskirts of Wall Rose. Whether or not we were involved does not have to matter.”

“The stunt you pulled is enough to have you publicly hanged - “

“The stunt you pulled in court was no less scandalous, _sir_.”

It was quiet as the wind whispered and whistled between them. Zackly took three steps forward, a handbreadth away from Erwin’s chest.

“Then I suppose, _Commander_ , that we have both drawn even straws. You are free to go.”

“My gratitude, sir - “

“But tell me this!”

Zackly grabbed the front of Erwin’s jacket with a trembling grip, and reflexively the soldiers at his aid raised their guns at ready.

“Tell me this,” Zackly spoke with hot stale breath, “If there is any of the rumoured immoral breeding or hormonal experimentation going on at Head Quarters, _god_ _help_ _me_ I will personally see to it to have the Titan kid and anything he spawns gunned down on the spot.”

Erwin was stunned, shoved backwards as the man pushed him away as he retreated, leaving with one last remark. "We are in this war to kill the monsters, not let them live among us - you damn well better remember that!"

Then he was gone, strolling away with his gunmen and Dr. Abrahams close behind.

Erwin heard Eren call to him, coming up to stand close by his side and shout with a fist of rage high in the air.

“Bastards!” The boy screamed, “You’re all sick bastards!”

Erwin placed a firm hand on Eren’s shoulder, stopping him from moving any further forward, seeing how ready he was to follow and fight back. “That’s enough, cadet. Their words mean nothing.”

“They damn well mean something to me - “

“They hide beneath their weakness with a threat. It is a fact that the power we could possess, the idea of having the enemy on our side, is exponential. They are simply afraid of us harnessing this power.”

Eren lowered his outstretched fist slowly, still staring off where the crowd of Military Police had fled. “… what if they are right? What if we are creating the enemy from the inside? How will we know … "

“If the child is anything like you … I have no doubt that he will stop at nothing to restore the freedom he was born to possess.”

Erwin looked to Eren again, squeezing his shoulder gently until his glossy green gaze met his. It was hard to believe that the boy at his side was a father - _he beat me to it, as did Levi._ He chuckled gently.

Eren wiped at the single tear that fell down his face quickly and gave one curt nod, his eyes lighting up suddenly and flittering about nervously. “He isn’t even born yet - we have to get back - "

Eren took off toward the carriage again, Erwin following at his heels.

* * *

Eren Jäger was brimming with emotions, elation mixed with anxiety, as the carriage finally returned to Kleinstadt after a three hour ride. His stomach had felt almost ready to fly off on its own as they arrived to the temporary Survey Corps base - an abandoned halfway house on the edge of town - and he felt nearly ready to faint as he entered the building to find Levi. Hopefully, to find his newborn child as well.

Eren’s feet were pushed on with adrenaline as he ascended a staircase a grin overcoming his at the thought again. He mused, seeing Levi cradling the baby - _what colour eyes will the child have? Will his hair be straight or curly - or her hair!_

Eren reached the end of a hallway, upon seeing a room guarded by two Survey Corps soldiers. When they saw him, they visibly tensed, and Eren wrinkled his brow.

“Is this Corporal Levi’s ward?” Eren asked, eyes flicking back and forth to both of the men’s blank faces.

“Yessir, but we are not allowed to permit entry.”

“On who’s order?”

“Commander Hanji Zoe."

 _Figures_.

“It’s alright, they’re expecting me - “

“We have been explicitly told to deny entry to you specifically, sir."

Eren chuckled, but did not smile, feeling his stomach sink. He waited five seconds before stepping forward toward the door, to be held back by both of the men.

“Sir, we cannot - “

“Let me go, bastards! Just let me through - “

The door opened suddenly, and Eren was relieved to see Armin emerge, rolling his cuffed sleeves down absentmindedly as he observed the seen. His blue eyes were very still and calm.

“At ease, soldiers. You’re dismissed.”

The men released Eren at the command, and the brunette brushed himself off a bit. “That was an odd request of Commander Hanji.”

Armin closed the door gently behind himself, looking Eren in the eye but not nodding. Again, Eren felt his stomach sink.

“… why wouldn't they let me in there?"

“Eren . . .”

“What? Don’t just stand there, let me through!”

“I can’t.”

“. . . why the hell not?”

“It’s . . . Eren, you have to listen to me, calm down - “

“How am I supposed to be calm? I just got here from Wall Sina, I’ve already missed him enough when he needs me the most - "

“I have every intention of letting you see the Corporal. But you must calm yourself down, and remain calm.”

“You of all people should not be soothing me like an infant - “

“Would you shut up and _look_ at me!”

“. . .”

The blonde’s eyes were shimmering, bright with emotion and glazed with tears. It was a wordless message that spoke more fluently and deeply than even Armin could have phrased words. Eren felt his legs weaken, trembling beginning in his fists, but not of anger. It was of an even stronger emotion: fear.

“Armin . . . what happened?”

“. . . you already know Heichou's labour began prematurely. Unexpectedly. The town’s doctor was away, and we had no way of sending word in time. Commander Hanji was well-equipped, and everything was progressing as expected … but we knew, something felt … wrong. It was something near eight hours, and the labour was still fruitless. Corporal was very strong, at the beginning, and he fought until the end . . . but he was very weak, and . . . “

It was a gentle fading away of his voice, but it cut sharp into Eren’s ears.

“We did all we could."

“. . . hell, no - “

“It was a stillbirth.”

The four words felt heavier than a thousand goodbyes. Eren stared, running the last word like a loop over and over again silently to himself, trying to make sense of it.

Stillbirth. _Stillbirth_.

It was such a soft, silent word. It was pure and small, void of breath like an exhale, filled with an aching edge, stiff like sore bones, like the falling of heavy eyelids. So soft, innocent. Even softer and more innocent than the word death.

“The captain is alive, Eren. Physically he is alive . . . but he is extremely weak and unresponsive. He has been running a high fever. He haemorrhaged profusely, and his life is still at risk.”

“This … if it weren’t for this mess, he would have been safe. God damn it, if they would not have tried to _kill_ him - "

Armin moved closer to the brunette, grabbing his forearm with a grip that meant only solemnity. It doused the brimming fury raging in him. Eren froze.

"I know … what you may be feeling right now is hard to swallow." His voice held a firm warning. "But please, Eren, consider what the Corporal is going through. You have to remain calm.”

A sudden welling of hurt began billowing in his stomach. Armin was right. What he felt, it was as weighty as nothing compared to how Heichou had been hurt. Eren felt his throat grow thin.

He whispered, strained, in attempt to hide it, “… let me see him."

"I can only let you see him if you swear to me that you will remain calm at all times.”

Eren was gripped out of his ethereal reveries and back down to earth, to the darkness of reality, at the tone of Armin’s voice. That voice that used to tease, and soothe, and laugh along with his. Those blue eyes that used to stare in wonder, but now held the wisdom of brokenness. Nothing seemed innocent any longer.

Eren nodded in reply. He could not get himself to speak.

Armin relaxed, letting him free and pulling the door being him open slowly to allow Eren inside. It took him a moment, but his steps eventually wandered inside the ward, not much so unalike to the times before. Yet now, it felt so extremely different.

The room itself held a hovering darkness. Only a dim candle lit the bleak surroundings: the bed, stripped besides for one thin sheet. A basin shoved far into a corner, but not far enough to miss the scarlet red stains on the fabric inside.

Commander Hanji slept, slumped, exhausted on a chair aside the door; it appeared that she was present only because she needed to be, as if she had snuck inside out of concern.

Eren turned and made his way closer to the centre of the room, the place where the candle lit the most in its faded glow. Heichou’s form was silhouetted like a gentle sloping skyline, very still. The closer he came, the more Eren realized that he was not sleeping. As he came to face the man, to ease himself down to kneel beside the bed, he saw that the eyes stared ahead, blankly.

Like a dried spring, they were empty.

“Heichou . . . what’s wrong?"

Eren felt the burning in his throat come upon him, the tears blurring in his vision, all at once. He knew exactly what was wrong. For those eyes he knew so well never once had told him a falsity. And right then, they were the epitome of an internal suffering, of an incredible, unfulfillable longing. They screamed the truth. The truth that Eren had been denying, even when he had heard it from his most trusted friend.

The dear little life that had sprung up miraculously, the one unknown like a mystery that was nestled safely inside of his dearest love. The little being that he had rested his hand so near to, and felt the gentle nudges of life from the safety of a womb. The precious human that was his, and Heichou’s, the one they had swore to protect together and nurture together and devote their lives to together and love together. The person that had every intention on being a new hope for humanity.

Their child . . . was dead.

It hurt, suddenly. It hurt him everywhere. And it hurt like _hell_.

Eren felt the tears on his face, though he was not even slightly phased by them. He only searched the eyes opposite his own, shrouded by the raven black hair, for something. Anything.

“. . . I’m sorry, I . . .” Eren heard his voice giving way, and he clamped his hand over his mouth to stop the sob seconds before it escaped him. He remembered Armin’s words. _Remain_ _calm_ -

Something. Something cold, but familiar and softer than anything. Something touching his hand, and telling his without words everything it needed to all at once.

Eren looked up, seeing Heichou’s eyes had slipped closed while his right hand rested atop of Eren’s left.

“Levi . . .”

It was the word the boy cried, hours upon the hours, clutching for comfort to the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I am crying as much as you are. I know this is a very sensitive subject for people, so while I say I am satisfied with what I wrote it still makes me VERY sad. 
> 
> But don't give up all hope yet. The next chapter will shine some light. ♡


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had only been an hour. One long expanse of time, stretching on terribly. One hour since what had almost been never stood a chance to be. Since the life was stolen from lungs that never breathed. Since darkness overtook the eyes that never saw the sunlight. Since the small body had begun to lose its warmth. 
> 
> Only an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Within the chapter, there is quoted a German Lullaby called "Abdenlied" or "Evening Song". Here is a link to listen along to if you desire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP8S9wsMciE
> 
> Please enjoy

One hour had passed.

It had felt like hours and hours, lying at the bedside, but Hanji had informed him, upon finally rising to composure, that only one hour had passed ... since it had happened.

Eren was reluctant to give it a name - _it_ being what had happened. What _had_ happened? Had it been a birth, or a death?

It was a surreal feeling, like standing on the very edge of a tall, tall cliff, stepping nearer and nearer. That emptiness in your gut, the fear pulling you down below mixed with the euphoria of the fall. 

It was like a nightmare. The nightmare he suddenly recalled in startling clarity, of the tiny light pressed close to Levi's chest. The inhuman glow, draining them both. The little light had been killing him.

But in the end, it was the little light that had been snuffed out. 

One hour. The room had been rearranged from disarray, blood purged from the sheets, medicinal tools and washbasins rinsed and tucked away. Eren had assisted Hanji’s efforts to tidy the room quietly, and she in turn had given him a few minutes to spend with the infant, swaddled and tucked in a bassinet as if it were alive. With his permission, Hanji had taken the child’s body to perform a few uninvasive procedures before it would be put to rest.

Armin had stayed behind a few minutes after Hanji, but at the ashen shadows beneath muted blue eyes that blinked and bobbed, at war with sleep, Eren encouraged him to go.

It had only been an hour. One long expanse of time, stretching on terribly. One hour since what had almost been never stood a chance to be. Since the life was stolen from lungs that never breathed. Since darkness overtook the eyes that never saw the sunlight. Since the small body had begun to lose its warmth. Only an hour. 

Again, the ward was bare and cold. The only things remaining were the nightstand, the bed, and a small empty bassinet.

An anxious air was about them then, Eren sitting on the edge of the cot and Levi lying on his side, emitting soft sounds of breath.

Eren wasn't sure who was hurting the most, not anymore.

Levi was stripped bare, skin a bleached pale, raw and smeared with shadows under his dark eyes much like Armin’s. A dew of sweat, from fever, maintained its clammy hold on him. Hanji had informed Eren that Heichou was very sore and anemic, and would need time to restore lost blood. As well, postpartum hormones were running their course cruelly. The man had hardly shifted under his sheets.

As well, Eren's hands had not stopped shaking for the same length of time, and his stomach ached with emptiness and nausea. He had not slept in days, or eaten, or bathed. His body experienced little repercussions, however. Pain was something he hardly ever felt anymore. His body could heal itself in minutes, rarely falling victim to its throes. But now, this sympathetic pain was something he could not instantly heal from. Levi was hurting, and it was hurting him.

This pain he felt seemed eternal. But it had only been an hour. 

"Eren?”

At the faint sound of his voice, the first he had heard him in what seemed like years, startled the boy.

"Yes?" Eren rose to his feet in reflexively, moving to Levi's side of the bed quickly, "What's wrong?"

Levi met his eyes, his own gaze cloudy with pain, and it took a moment for him to focus. Tired was not a strong enough word to describe him then, but Eren's worries were put aside as he gave him a weak reassuring glance, even then. He knew it was for his sake alone.

"I'm fine." His voice was soft, “I just need some water."

Eren nodded, filling a glass and sitting down at his feet on the end of the bed. Levi's hand trembled as he accepted the cup, so much so that he nearly spilled it.

“Here" Eren said, placing his hand around his on the glass.

He tipped it back to his lips, and Levi drank some slowly, tiredly.

“Thank you." He whispered, "I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Heichou. You don't have to lie."

Levi shook his head, turning away from him a bit. His shoulders were tensed and almost trembling with the pure exhaustion ripping through his body. Eren knew he was hiding, as not to concern him; he seemed to try always, to make sure Eren was alright, even at the cost of his own pain.

Levi whispered to him, though Eren could barely hear him by the low undertone of his coarse voice, “It’s alright.”

“Hmm?”

“Everything is alright, now.”

Eren shifted slightly, hesitating in confusion, turning to see better the man’s eyes. They were blank.

“Those within the Inner Walls have Dr. Abrahams back in their custody. With him, they will fully receive what information he had about my condition, but in the end they will label him a heretic. His documents of medical information will be burned out of spite ... disregarded as idiotic musings. He will be sent to a sanitarium, locked up so no one will fall victim to his foolish lies again.”

“Heichou … I don’t understand.”

“… there will be no evidence.”

Levi locked eyes with Eren then. The implications of his words sunk in, deep and violent, like a blade to his gut. Eren felt his fingers subconsciously form into fists.

“What does that mean?”

Levi, with painstaking effort, sat upwards, legs slowly hanging off the side of the bed and feet finding the floor.

“I have already ordered Hanji to begin destroying her research notes. All of them. Even those about my sickness before the fact. The waiver to allow this experiment to take place will face the same fate."

Carefully, weakened arms pushed the small body aloft. The man panted with the strain, but took a few steps forward to walk past the boy sitting on the bed. Eren’s stare could have burned a scalding hole in the back of Levi’s head.

"All of my altered clothing will be destroyed. Efforts are being made to ensure any of the people from Kleinstadt do not engage with investigators from the Inner Walls, and those whom we know can confirm our identities are being relocated and protected. The house there will be scrubbed clean of our filth, as well as anywhere in Headquarters where I may have slept."

With an all-knowing dread, Eren knew the words that would next depart from Levi’s mouth. That did not mean, however, it made them any easier to hear.

“There will be no further contact between us.” The voice was softer, then, “We will submit back to our roles in the service of the Military. The only way to cast the appearance that nothing has occurred is to allow nothing else to continue. We will see each other professionally. That will be the extent."

One of the man’s hands grabbed the spindle of the baseboard for balance.

“Appropriately, the body of the infant will be cremated - "

“Stop!"

Eren chocked the word. His throat was dry and he could barely hear himself. He spoke again.

“Stop, stop ... _stop_."

Tears rested on his nose, rolling onto his lips with a bitter saltiness. He wanted to spit them away, to deny anything and everything that coaxed this emotion from him.

Eren took two steps forward, only a few inches between his chest and Levi’s back, and let his hand come to rest upon the man’s still tensed around the wooden post at the end of the bed. Close enough to smell the familiar scent of his skin again. Close enough to see the ribcage rise and fall in short breaths. Close enough to hear the sound of stifled tears.

"Our son ... looked just like you.”

The words were nothing, really, soft as an exhale. Eren saw one of Levi's arms lift to embrace his own middle, as if remembering the void in him.

“Eren. Please.”

Eren felt a pang hit him hard at the brokenness in the whisper, but he went on.

“His hair was full and dark, like black tea. His skin was like milk, pale and smooth and … his nose - “

Eren let a soft laugh wander from his lips, a joyful glint of tears blurring his vision again. “His nose was so small and pudgy, like yours gets when you’re upset. He was so tiny and light, I felt like I was holding a baby bird. He had ten fingers and toes. Everything, every single thing about him was perfect.”

Levi only breathed, only stared into the silence.

“… Hanji told me. That you refused to hold him. She told me you wouldn’t even look at him.”

"... If you receive a cut on your skin, you will heal with a scar. That scar will eventually fade over time, become a part of your skin again. But if your scar is wounded, the laceration in your skin will hurt more, and bleed more. It will take longer to heal. It will be prone to infection. It will never look the same, or feel the same."

"That damn sickness, the damn hormones made me feel ... you made me feel and then ..." He paused, unable to speak it, but Eren knew what the words were. "I began to forget. To forget the pain, the scars upon scars beneath my skin ... and I was a fool to become so vulnerable. To bare myself naked before it all.:

It was a pause far longer, far graver and hollowed than before, empty like a sigh. Eren felt his heart beat thump against his ribs like one would beat their head against a wall. every passing blow hurt more than the last, and every one weaker.

"I can’t … take anymore pain. I can’t. Everything … everything I try to care for becomes lost to me. Everything I hold dear is stolen from my hands. I am covered in the scars of those torn from inside of me - and again, I’m left wounded and bleeding. This time even more literal than the last."

it was quiet. Levi's voice trembled, causing Eren to feel again like he had those first few days reading books at Heichou's beside; vulnerable, anxious.

"It was my fault."

"Levi -"

"I'm not ... strong enough. _Damn_ it ... why wasn't I strong enough?"

Levi sobbed involuntarily. He buried his face in his hands, the sorrow, the guilt, the emptiness so deep he made no sound out of his mouth. He wanted to expel all of this, all of the feelings that made his heart cold and his stomach hard. At a needed intake of breath he gasped, a twisted, mangled cry filling the silence, filled with unrecognizable words. Words of things he did not even know.

Eren immediately swaddled the man in his arms, too weak to hold back, barely strong enough to stand. He held him close, swaying gently and protectively like a safe boat. He rocked them back and forth; tears did not cease, even from his own eyes.

". . . why?!" Levi barely managed the word through his tears, "Why, why _why_! And why does it hurt so much?"

Eren did not know. Who was he to know? And now, now that the man he trusted most wise in his life did not even know himself, he was reminded of the mercilessness of reality, of the cold unfeeling hand of Fate. There was no point to waste ones expenses on safeguarding the things held dear - nothing was safe from this inexplicable pain, taking many shapes and forms.

The only thing one could do was to embrace these things, while they were at grasp. And to hold them safely, warmly, but gently. Willing to loosen the grip. Willing to let go.

But how was one expected to let go of something held even closer than an arms embrace? So close, they heard one another's heartbeat from the inside? Eren held Levi tighter, closer to himself. It felt cruel to demand such from the man. He would never forgive himself of that.

There was a knock on the door.

Eren shifted, eyes rising slightly to get a better look. Instincts confirmed his suspicion, and alike to the past it was true. One of Hanji Zoe's dark eyes peeked into the room, still and quiet and solemn in understanding of the sight. But her presence did not retract immediately, and at her persistence Eren knew her appearance must have been of worth.

Levi's breathing quelled, lessening to sounds barely audible, at his realization of the person in the room. Hanji stepped in quietly, and Eren could see in her eyes that she, too, was not immune to what they felt.

But his attention was drawn more so to the basket in her hand, draped over with a small white sheet, that she set gently on the bed beside them.

"I ... was going to start the examination. " She whispered. "But ... I wanted to see ... if Heichou would like to hold him once, first."

Eren felt Levi's grip on his shirt tighten in response, a breath drew in through his nose stuttered and weak. He nodded his head, exhaustedly.

* * *

It was just as Eren had said.

As soon as Hanji had placed the bundle, now unraveled and pressed close to his chest, in his arms, it felt as if what was torn from him was almost made whole again.

He did not want to see the face, at first. Fearful, of what it would appear as. Fearful, of how he would react. Fearful, of forever holding the memory in his mind's eye. That fear was the worst of them all.

Levi shifted on the edge of the bed, feeling the warmth of Eren close at his side, comforting. Hanji stood above, watching silently. He hated how much silence had been prevalent. That moment, when he had finally given birth to their child, a moment meant to be jubilant, but instead the air was transformed into a coffin. That dreadful silence.

Levi's hand trembled as he lifted it, worsening as he neared it to the shrouded face, and he hesitated. Hesitated like that split-second of disbelief, when there was no cry as the child was lifted into the cold, dark air of this world. Even so, as then, he trembled.

Fingers found the edge of the white blanket, and lifted just enough to see the pale skin. Thin strands of dark hair rested on a tiny, smooth forehead. A closed gaze of small squinted eyes and creased skin. A nose, just as Eren had said, pudgy and small.

Eren put his hand around Levi's shoulder, and began to sing something. He recognized it. The lullaby that the kid had sung, softly, under his breath, when he had assumed Levi was not listening. The boy sang it gently, a wavering tune and stuttered words.

The man felt no tears in his eyes, no sobs in his throat. A smile fell across his lips, a resolve, like a sigh. His index finger was steady as it rose, curving slightly to caress the exposed softness of the child's cheek, keeping a gentle rhythm.

" _Der Mond ist aufgegangen, die goldnen Sternlein prangen, am Himmel hell und klar ... der Wald steht schwarz und schweiget, und aus den Wiesen steiget, der weiße Nebel wunderbar_."

_The moon has risen. The golden stars shine in the sky, brightly and clearly ... the woods stand black and silent. And magically, from the meadows, the white mist is rising._

* * *

 

Jean stood, arms folded, still like he had been for the past two hours. Granted, his feet were getting sore as hell and it was nearly morning, he hadn't made any effort to leave the particularly hard wall he leaned on. Not that he didn't want to, because he did. But he didn't, for his friend's sake.

Armin had been sitting against this same wall for twice as long as he had. His head was cradled in his hands, legs folded, his entire body small like a child. Blonde hair was illuminated in the faint light from the window at the end of the corridor, grasped tightly through his fingers.

Of course, as he was not supposed to know much about anything - Eren, Heichou, the mysterious pregnancy - Jean knew very little details of what exactly was causing Armin distress. But he knew that the blonde boy had been at work for over twelve hours at Corporal Levi's aid. He had returned to their quarters with clothes stained in blood. And now, seeing him in this state, only meant one thing.

Jean had never been the best at offering advice - and Connie always made sure he knew it too. He could hold up an argument until the end, but guide him to a grieving soldier and he would instantly grow tongue tied. The best strategy he knew was to simply be, to be there. Sure it took a hell of a lot longer, but Jean knew especially then that that was what Armin needed.

Birds began muffled calls as the first peeks of sunlight made the edges of the sky turn pink. Jean watched his shadow shift as the minutes passed by, kept himself busy as to not doze off.

It was just as his eyelids felt ready to fall that he came to attention at the voice below him.

"... I'm sorry."

Jean yawned, wrinkling his brows, "What?"

"I'm sorry. For keeping you up. You did not have to stay awake here with me."

"Nah. I was already awake anyways, after you came into the sleeping quarters. Besides, I like to watch the sunrise every now and then."

It was a lie, but Jean had said it knowing the nature of Armin's curiosity. The blonde head was raised slowly, blue eyes blinking at the coming dawn through the glass.

"It's just like the saying: 'weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with the morning.'" Armin wiped his glossy eyes with the end of his sleeve, rising gradually to stand.

"Mhm." Jean mumbled in agreement.

"... maybe the only reason we truly appreciate the morning light is because the night takes it away. Maybe it takes darkness for the light to be fully realized as a miracle, as something given and not something earned. Do you think so?"

Armin's opaque blue eyes caught his in expectancy. Jean, fully amazed at the kid's resilience, watched his face as he took in the rising light.

He nodded.

* * *

" _Wollst endlich sonder Grämen, aus dieser Welt uns nehmen durch einen sanften Tod; und wenn du uns genommen, lass uns in' Himmel kommen, du unser Herr und unser Gott_ -"

  
_Without grief, will you finally please take us out of this world by a gentle death; and when you will have taken us, let us get to Heaven, you, our Lord and God._

To say it startled him would have been an understatement. Levi reacted enough to pause Eren's gentle lilt of his melody, limbs stiffening like steel, an audible gasp escaping him. Hanji stepped closer, and the kid tried to meet his eyes steadily.

They were bloodshot, pupils like pinpricks. Eren was frightened.

"Levi -"

"... it moved."

"What moved - "

"I felt him breathe!"

There was a beat of disbelief, like the moment of silence when there was no cry. That deafening silence.

"Heichou, it's common in post-traumatic stress to - "

"Hanji, I swear on my goddamn life I felt something -"

"Levi, he's gone, I don't want - "

"Wait."

Levi shushed them again, to silence.

"Sing again." One hand grasped Eren's sleeve, tight enough to tear, and the boy complied at the wild look in the man's eyes.

"... _D-der Mond ist aufgegangen, die goldnen Sternlein prangen_ \- "

Levi felt warmth suddenly, in the air and all around him, like a light burned in his chest. Everything seemed to blur and lose focus surreally before a sound broke the illusion.

A faint, whispered cry.

The infant in his arms squirmed weakly. It's tiny lip quivered, letting out soft mewling sounds, breathing in its first breaths of life. It was alive.

The child was alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *giant exhale*
> 
> Don't worry, I am not as heartless as you may think! I above all wanted a happy ending, but just like Armin said, sometimes it takes darkness to fully appreciate the light. 
> 
> As crazy as it seems, I am sure you are aware that there are instances of newborns coming back to life after being pronounced dead. I was sure to emphasize that only an hour had passed since the birth, and with some healthy skin-to-skin with Mama Levi, baby Jäger-Ackerman was officially born!
> 
> But of course, this is fiction. Not all instances like this have happy endings, and I think it is important to raise awareness of this fact. Life is precious, even if it is short. My heart goes out to parents who must endure the passing away of a young child and I praise them for their strength. 
> 
> I do hope you have enjoyed the story this far. After this, there will be one more chapter before I finish! Please let me know how you feel below! Thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Jäger-Ackerman spawn and his father's adjust to their new life, he gives everyone one final surprise that no one could have expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! There was a long delay for this chapter because I wanted it to include everything it needed to, so thank you for your patience. I really hope you enjoy it and leave feedback! 
> 
> There are no warnings, besides for major fluff and love ♡ Enjoy!

“Everything has checked out?”

“Yes sir Commander Erwin sir!”

Erwin accepted the file folder Hanji Zoe handed to him with a brimming smile, dancing slightly on the tips of her boots with excitement. Again, she still could not hold still enough to sit in the chair before his desk but at this point Erwin gave up trying. 

The blond took a sip of his tea, casually opening the folder to peruse it as Hanji spoke up quickly, “All of the examinations and medical tests are rudimentary, considering I am not a trained physician as of yet, but were done thoroughly with help from Moblit and a few cadets in training. All the data that was gathered was triple-verified to ensure there were no discrepancies, and I was there to oversee each round of testing. You can bet your bolo tie that this right here is genuine stuff!”

Erwin rolled his eyes at the expression, “Hmm … simplify this for me, Hanji. What are we looking at?”

“The Jäger-Ackerman spawn is humanity’s first successful cross-species breed within a control setting, a perfect amalgamation of both human and Titan DNA.” Hanji stepped nearer and pointed to a chart on the papers before him, “As of yet, we are unable to determine if the child has Titan Shifting abilities, but there is Titan DNA in his blood. The child does suffer from a mild hearing deficit, which may be due to complications at birth or a developmental problem in the womb, but is otherwise thriving; his birth weight has risen from five up to seven pounds, two ounces and 46.2 centimetres. We ensured that all major organs in the body were functioning - considering Titans lack a proper human digestive system - and everything is in working order. He exhibits the reflexes and responses typical for an infant of his age, and can certainly scream like one."

Hanji looked up to him, eyes wide behind her round spectacles, expectant and giddy. Erwin chuckled softly, letting the smile on his lips show. 

“You call that simplified?”

“Believe me Erwin, you would not have enjoyed the detailed version.”

“So, your experiment was a success.” Erwin rose from his seat, going to his shelf to retrieve the same authorization sheet he had signed those months ago when she had first stumbled into his office. He placed them down on the table alongside the new folder. “Does this mean we are opening new doors, or allowing doors to close?”

Hanji’s brightness dampened, retrospection covering her as she looked down at her hands, half-smiling, “I'm not sure if I would use the word 'success' - the experiment proved my theory to be possible, but was certainly proved in an unconventional and risky way. Initially, my theory was simply speculation and, yes, I never intended it to even occur in reality. It was only thanks to Heichou’s illness, thanks to Cadet Jäger’s presence during that time, that allowed them to consummate - the timing of their intercourse was perfect. Whether it was hormones or something more, I am persuaded to believe it was both. Their relationship was happenstance, and something that I believe would have occurred without my intervention - although without it and my previous research things may not have ended as well as they have. And still … even with it, all was nearly lost. I am a soldier of science, but I know what brought this child back to life was nothing short of a miracle. Hell, this whole damn thing was one giant miracle. If I were to go back nine months ago, to be able to do it again knowing what I know now … I’m sure I could not. Not yet, at least. My research into this area has only just begun, and will continue on as this child grows. Ask me that question again in two years, Erwin; for now, though, the doors are closed.”

Commander Erwin nodded, retrieving both folders in hand and placing them on the shelf. The two soldiers exchanged a salute, the brunette grinning again with pride. It was well-deserved; Erwin knew well how long of a journey they had both travelled for this cause. His sentiment was similar to hers in the matter - it was nothing short of a miracle that any of their former struggle had been resolved. The Survey Corps had been pardoned, scot free, for the kidnapping of Dr. Fritz Abrahams, and Zakaly himself issued a personal apology for the distress caused in the communities around Wall Sina. The court hearing of Erwin's accusation would be stripped from record, including the names of Eren Jäger and Levi Ackerman in the case. The fact that Hanji’s research was a success was certainly reason enough to take a step back, to close doors until trouble would inevitably come knocking once again.

“Your dedication to this research is admirable in the utmost. I commend you for your duties to the advance of Humanity’s cause, Commander Zoe. You are dismissed."

Hanji nodded and clapped her hands together, heading to the door and wriggling into her jacket quickly, “Alright! You wouldn’t believe how much more work I have to do on the little brat, they’re waiting on me right now! He just started opening his eyes on his own today, and boy are they huge! I can’t wait to test his ocular motility - " 

“Hanji.” Erwin called out, catching her seconds before she rushed out the door. 

“Hmm?”

"What did they decide to call him?”

_______________

"Eberhardt!"

"Commander Hanji - "

"Eberhardt!"

"What the hell is this even for? You're just making him more upset -"

"Shush Levi! You must detach from him in order for his reactions to be unaffected! It's part of the experiment!"

"Need I remind you my child is not a Titan!"

"We'll figure that out soon enough!"

Everyone in the room treated Commander Hanji as though she were a tornado, and the sentiment was not too far off. When Hanji was knee-deep in her research efforts, she was an unstoppable force of nature, dangerous and powerful and extremely quick on her feet, both destroying all that stood in her path and clearing a way to deeper understanding. Though not everyone was capable of understanding her motives, if they remained a safe distance and gave her time to wind down, all was well. 

Levi, however, had just about enough. With everything. Again. Thankfully, this time he wasn't held against his will by Erwin, or forced to be constantly examined by Hanji, while plagued with a fever and the libido of a teenager. In retrospect, his current plight probably waned in comparison. 

Eren sighed, finding the understanding in him to let Hanji run her course in the situation. However, he knew Levi did not - and most likely never could - understand her very well. Especially now, when her latest experiment involved his newborn son. 

Eren could nearly hear Levi's seething, and he gently rested his hand on the shorter man's shoulder to soothe him. Though he usually would have pulled away at such a touch, he did not. He rested into it, relaxing slightly. That in itself showed the severity of his upset. 

"Hanji said it will only be a few minutes longer." Eren whispered, though he lied through it, knowing full well that in Hanji time that could be anywhere up to an hour. 

Levi nodded, barely registering his voice, eyes tired from 3 am feedings but glued forward protectively. The dark steady gaze hadn't left sight of the baby ever since the baby had left his arms a few minutes prior to begin the experiment; as a result, his arms cradled the child's receiving blankets as if to fill the void. 

Though he claimed only mild attachment, Eren knew how much more paternal Levi had become since their child had been brought to life again in his arms. 

Today was their first day back to routine, only two short weeks after the birth of their baby. After approval from Dr. Idiot and Erwin, Levi had been permitted to freely roam the grounds and catch up on the work he had missed over the prior three months. 

Of course, it was a new kind of routine now, with the infant thrown in the mix. 

Simply the thought of the presence of a baby at Head Quarters had begun the whispering and rumours amongst cadets - the first week, it had been just that without a physical baby in sight and only claims by cadets of hearing "screaming at night". Though nearly everyone was intrigued, the young girls had been ecstatic at the possible development. Sasha had even started her own Baby Hunt Organization, made up of all girls - besides for Connie Springer - enthralled by the idea so much so that they had begun roaming the halls at night in packs to the place where cadets claimed to have heard it. 

When Eren had started hearing noises outside their room in the dead of night - and giggles of glee when the baby would awaken because of it - Levi had not hesitated to take action.

Though they had not planned to announce their secret, they hadn't given much thought to the plan if they did have to. Eren had suggested they claim to finding the child abandoned somewhere, while Armin came up with an elaborate "accidental conception" story involving the complicated coincidental transferral of certain bodily fluids - both of which were simultaneously rejected by Levi. 

Erwin had decided to make an announcement to the entire garrison outright about how the Corporal and Cadet Jäger had spawned a child together; too compromising to the integrity of the Survey Corps to try and pawn the incident off as something more suspicious. He spared many details and emphasized the sensitivity of the situation well, which prompted only a few confused questions from the younger trainees. Altogether, there seemed to be no hard feelings - the garrison was actually very excited at the new development and possible advantage towards their military cause, so much so to erupt into thunderous applause when Eren and Levi had joined Commander Smith before the crowd at the particular assembly. Seeing the Corporal's nervous reaction, Eren had discreetly squeezed Levi's hand in his own; that had been the first true and pure moment of pride they experienced together for their child.

Once their routine had begun again, Hanji still clung to Levi's side most of the time - as did most of his Squad members - as they went about and updated them on their approaching offence: another run of the Newly Reformatted Long Range Scouting Formation. Though it still seemed like a stupid idea, Levi knew it wasn't his place to protest, and neither would he be attending; Erwin had forbade him from active fieldwork for six months minimum, and this time Levi had accepted the offer. He had attended lunch with his Squad and discussed the details, though Levi had done a lot of listening.   
Afterwards, he had led a few instruction sessions with the new recruits on the matter, all the while having an infant held close to him in a newborn sling. None of the cadets had questioned the matter, not even when the baby had took to whimpering - whether it was out of fear or respect was the real question. 

As refreshing as it was to finally step outside, to breathe in the cool air of the rapidly approaching spring and get updated by his Squad, to bump into the stupid brats friends running down the hallways, Eren knew Levi was tired. 

Their nights had been tough, with the little one waking up once every few hours to feed and fuss before falling to slumber again; as hard as they tried to start a routine schedule, it was becoming easier to simply satisfy the tiny thing when he whimpered and whined instead of letting him suffer through his hunger. For a tiny thing, he sure had a pair of lungs and an persistence much like both his father's - much fitting to his name, which translated as "strong" and "brave". 

The thought in the back of both of their minds was alike even when he screamed for two hours straight or vomited all over Levi's cravat: they had nearly lost him. 

Therefore, they were happy with anything and everything that resulted from his existence. 

Eren was nudged to the present again as Moblit brushed past them, heeding to another of Hanji's calls - Levi grumbling as a result - and handing her a fresh stack of paper and a writing device. 

"Sir, I'm not sure why you're taking so many notes - "

"Moblit, you blockhead! This is Humanity's first and possibly only ever healthy existing Titan-Human hybrid, and we get to observe him up close from day one!" Hanji punched the young man, who was nearly knocked off his feet with the force. 

"It would be nice if this observation didn't continue his entire existence." Levi mumbled, disdain in his voice that Eren knew was often reserved for Hanji alone. "Or if we knew why this experiment involves lying an infant on a table and having him scream his lungs out -"

"Alright Heichou, alright ... " Hanji hurried over to their side, holding up her stack of papers and pointing to her hastily scribed notes. The header of the page read "AUDITION", and below it were various charts, graphs, measurements and calculations that Eren didn't bother to decipher on his own. 

"Now I know both of you know that Eberhardt's near stillbirth was narrowly avoided."

"Yes." Eren responded, knowing it still was a little too fresh in their minds; Levi tensed even more, and Eren momentarily wondered if it were possible for muscles to turn to rock at how stiff the man had become already. 

Oblivious as always, however, Hanji's grin never wavered. "Upon his checkup after the event, I ruled that his saving grace was skin-to-skin contact, the warmth of his mother's -"

Levi cleared his throat. Throughout all of Hanji's endless testing, her experiments and treatment methods, there had only been one thing Levi couldn't allow: calling him the mother of the child. Granted, in a sense, he technically was the mother, but the sound made him uneasy and connotations off put him. 

Hanji corrected herself. "- his father's body, the smell of his skin, the rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat reminding the child of the safety of the womb and cradling him back to life."

"Yes, you've gone over this -"

"However, I have a theory. During the time of skin-to-skin contact, what else occurred?"

Eren searched the woman's expectant eyes, slightly distracted by the whimpers of the baby being tended by a few nervous trainees over her shoulder; some of which were Armin, Mikasa, and Jean - the first two were actively trying to soothe the baby while Jean stood a distance away with a nervous grimace on his face. 

"Cadet Jäger?"

Eren focused back and recalled the memory. "I ... I sang to him -"

"Exactly! Now ..."

Hanji grabbed Eren's wrist, pulling him like an excited child would toward a new discovery, to the table where the baby lay. Unconsciously, Eren smiled at the tiny thing wriggling there, pink cheeks glistening with tears and still making soft sounds of distress. Aside the table, Mikasa stroked the baby's dark downy hair - Ackerman hair, much like her own- which he was noticeably calmed by.

"... I have tested Eberhardt's reaction to an array of nearly one hundred different levels of sound, as well as different sound varieties, taking into account volume and decay properties of each one."

"I've been charting that." Armin piped in with a smile, handing Hanji the paper from the stack he held close to his chest. 

"Our readings provide clear and confident evidence proving a fact I suspected - "

"He's deaf."

All heads turned at the statement. 

Levi approached the table with slow steps, stiff stature and no sense of hiding his solemnity. No point in breaking things gently, his tone just as matter-of-factly as it always was - and as well as Eren knew it, still, it did not mean it did not hurt. 

This sort of hurt was certain, but not of self pity. It was not that he felt cheated, or that he questioned why this had happened to them, to their baby, or that he thought their child damaged or limited due to his inability - no, but rather he himself felt this were somehow a fault of his own. 

Eren's eyes held tightly to Levi's until he reached them, his lips pursed closed. It can't be true! His mind screamed, but he didn't speak. No point in trying to protest him, just a waste of breath. Why didn't you tell me this? No point in asking for explanation, just a waste of time. His gaze, he knew, was enough communication for the man, and Eren held it until he was forced to look away; his message had been received.

The dark eyes spoke clearly: we are happy with anything and everything that results from this child's existence. 

Still, it did not mean it didn't hurt. 

"I - I'm ... um, yes, Heichou is correct." Hanji broke the tense silence with a tentative whisper. "I don't know how -"

"I may have never had a kid before but I know people. Seen enough to determine the signs." 

With the quiet disbelief hovering in the room, no one stopped the man as he reached out and stroked his fingers on the baby's warm cheek, both beings soothed by the contact. 

"Although he exhibits clear demonstration of the Moro reflex, the startle reflex was rarely ever present upon a loud noise - such as Eren slamming a door or tripping and falling over."

Jean scoffed from his distance away, and Armin in turn tossed a crumpled piece of paper at him with an audible shh!

"As well, not once was he disturbed by various noises - even my own raised voice - during my instruction session with a group of trainees today. He does not respond to shushing or ... the sound of my soothings."

"He is in all ways legally and medically deaf."

Hanji spoke, an air of solemnity finding her, as if she spoke words engraved on a headstone, a finality in them that was clear cut and set in stone. She approached Eren's side slowly, arm rising to his shoulder as if to comfort -

Swiftly, she smacked him clean across the cheek. 

"Ouch!?" Eren cried, in a pained question filled with confusion, "Commander, what the hell -"

But she didn't need to explain. Hanji simply pointed toward the table, directing the cadet to meet the eyes of the child who stared back up at him. 

A dark wash, like ink roiling in water, met him in the gaze with a surprising brightness. Like Levi's, they seemed to speak much louder than any words. They seemed to know him, whilst simultaneously being a part of him, an inexplicable connection sparking that seemed to tingle in the tips of his fingers with an odd expectancy. It was not just a thing, Eren realized, and not even just a child as he had explained to Heichou, not just a baby or even just a scientific and genetic anomaly. 

His son. It was his son, there, staring at him. His son, who turned to find his gaze. Eberhardt, his son, who had noticed him, somehow. 

How had he noticed him? 

"Der Mond ist aufgegangen, die goldnen Sternlein prangen, am Himmel hell und klar ..."

The song came from his lips as easy as a sigh, instinctual and soft. Yes, just as gentle was the response, the baby blinking back at him with whispered coos of acknowledgment. He cocked his head in his direction clearly, attentively, and Eren knew. They all seemed to know - besides for Jean, who out of the corner of his eyes noticeably glanced about and nudged Armin in confusion - and though it was surely surprising to hear the cadet singing openly that aspect did not seem to factor in the miraculous equation. 

"God." Levi mumbled in a low breath. He shot his gaze to Hanji, who was grinning wider than before. "How can he - "

"I haven't determined what factors contribute to the ability yet, or how far it stretches, but what you're seeing is true."

"What the hell - "

"That's amazing!" Armin interrupted Jean's mumbled question, which only prompted him to finish what he began. 

"What the hell just happened?"

"He can hear me." Eren replied, voice softened due to this precious new knowledge. His eyes never left the infants, reaching out to allow the baby to grab his tiny fist around one of his fingers. "The only voice he can hear is mine."

Levi continued to stroke the baby's hair gently, meeting eyes with Eren opposite the table, just glassy enough to be unnoticed by anyone but him. Eren's own, however, spilled over. 

Again, they repeated the phrase to each other silently, the promise that had somehow came to be out of this entirely ridiculously wonderful mess, out of long days of bedside discussions and nursing through the night and hidden forehead caresses and sweat covered night terrors and whisper nudges from within a miraculous womb. Through the battlefield of real war and that inside one another, a fight in common cause toward an end with unknown outcome. Through denial and acceptance and constant uncertainty and despite that an unending, unimaginably bright chasm of hope. 

Eren laughed despite himself, and saw Levi likewise hide the faint smirk on his lips. Eberhardt, between his father's proud adoration, cooed happily. 

They truly were happy with anything and everything that resulted from their child's existence - even if it were a simple hormonal imbalance that had started it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have already guessed it, but this is the final chapter :') But hey, it's a happy ending and that's really important! 
> 
> I have been mulling over whether to write an epilogue/sequel about toddler Eberhardt and his daddies and how his Titan Audition (being able to hear Titan's) comes into play as an advantage for the Survey Corps, but of course I want to know if you would like to read it! Let me know, and thank you to EVERYONE who has followed this story and left kudos and reviews. You are truly what kept me writing, so thank you immensely! I'm so happy to have written this story and to see so many people enjoy it along the ride :) 
> 
> If you want to see my drawings of Eberhardt and be kept up to date on future stories, follow my Instagram @arminvincible ♡ 
> 
> Bye for now! 
> 
> ~ Ellisaed


	18. New Story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers! So this isn't actually a chapter, but I wanted to notify you of the NEW work I've started that is a continuation of this story titled "Between the Sound of Silence". It's going to be great and I'm super excited to keep writing in this universe so stay tuned for more! 
> 
> Below is the prologue for the story to give you a quick sneak peek :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

“Let me through - “

“Heichou, please, just listen to me first and I can explain before -“

“For the last time, shut the hell up and let me see him!”

A sharp tug against the arms of bondage holding him whispers away from the door only made his gesture to escape even more harsh, even against someone he did care about. That, for some reason, did not register in his mind. Only one thing occupied his thoughts more rigidly than an army of soldiers would defend their Walls. Hanji’s grip didn’t let up, though it did falter. She was assisted by those in her research squad, a dozen or so trainees, Moblit, and Erwin Smith.

As hard as Levi tried to hate them all, in that moment even he could not. He knew they only wanted well for him, for them.

“Corporal, listen to Squad Leader Zoe and take a step back!”

“I will fucking step on her _face_ if she doesn’t let me go - “

“Levi, please -“

This plea, desperate in tone, made Levi flinch and hesitate a moment. Erwin rarely ever let that side of him show - especially now, before many others besides himself. But it was ignored. For not even at the plea of his Commander, his friend, those few he trusted and held dear to himself, could stop him. No, not for something held even more precious to himself than his own life, the one he had cradled inside himself and held as close as he could while he could and was now being torn from him in one of the worst ways he could have only tortured himself to imagine -

“Let me see him! Let me see my son!”

The door opened. A breath of a pause, of realization, set in before examination.

Eren Jäger emerged, a sheen of sweat resting over him, one of torment and not just struggle. He panted stridently, though he attempted to hide it by the calm he forced on his face. Most prominently, a gash was carved fresh into the side of his face, bleeding over him onto the cold floor, deep enough that it had not even begun to heal itself yet. Even deeper still, knowing who it was that had gifted it to him. Even so, at that sight, Levi could not be dissuaded.

“Let me see him - “

Eren shook his head slowly, voice gentler than it should have been. “Heichou.”

“I _need_ to see him, no one understands - they won’t let me see him, I want to see him - “

“Heichou, you don’t want to see him like this - “

Levi took a turn to toss his head in denial, reaching helplessly toward the door, “Yes, I do, I know him, I _know_ him - “

“No. Not like this.” The voice became firm and flat in solemnity. Levi blinked, eyes batting back at the steady green gaze holding his own. “Listen to me. That is not our son in that room. You know him. And you know he would never be this way. You know him. The boy in there is a monster, just like the monster that lives inside of me. And I can’t let that monster destroy you.”

From beyond the door, a muffled scream erupted like the sound of rolling thunder, low, sending a chill up his spine with the coarse edge it held through its crescendo. Reminiscence of that same scream coming from an infant’s tiny lips, just as shrill and piercing and terrifying and heartbreaking as it had been then. It spoke to him just as truly as Eren’s words did. He was right.

Levi’s bones grew limp like melted wax, falling to the floor exhaustedly at the sound. Hanji still cradled him beneath the arms, steadied him, prodded him back to his feet like a newborn fawn to stand on weak legs, nudging him to the safety of Eren’s embrace. He met it, but did not yield to the soft comfort it held; Levi buried his face into the strong chest, hands in fists and pounding relentless at the ribcage before him that muffled the few angry sobs escaping him.

They had created this monster, together. And together, they would have to be the ones to destroy it - before it destroyed anything more than it already had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this piqued your interest and that you stay for more! Thanks again ~


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